Preppers: This is the Way the World Ends
Mar 29, 2018 15:26:31 GMT
mousestalker, PATPATPATlol, and 8 more like this
Post by Jeremiah12LGeek on Mar 29, 2018 15:26:31 GMT
I have run all 61 different predictive models through my most sophisticated superlaptop (that's like a supercomputer but... you now... a laptop.)
Amazingly, all but one of the models predicts a nearly identical outcome.
The (literally) incredible chain of events unfolds as follows:
1. Donald Trump discovers his "Besties 4Eva" ring from Vladimir is actually cubic zirconia
Naturally, he insists on an immediate response, and tweets his intent to use a nuke. Early reports that he missed are met with relief, as most people misunderstand the reports to mean that he missed the button entirely. Instead, it turns out that he accidentally nuked Canada. As expected, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau leaps into action and immediately apologizes for whatever offense Canada committed to prompt the attack.
2. France feigns outrage at the bombing of Canada
France, having gone from a perfect 10-and-0 war record pre-Napoleon is looking for any excuse to improve their results since. Sensing weakness, they decide to condemn both Canada and the U.S., swearing to invade and take back Québec. Québec, upon hearing this, promptly launches their sole nuke at France.
Amazingly, in all but 3 of the 60 models predicting this outcome, this chain of events does not yet lead to World War 3. It turns out, people don't really mind if you bomb France.
3. Several mean memes from America prompt a backlash from Putin
The eight-hundredth variation of Putin-as-Jordan-crying finally cracks Putin's facade and he retaliates by invading Holland. When asked, "Why Holland?" he replies, "Fuck Holland."
This launches a series of ancient and complicated treaties, resulting in Canada declaring war on Holland before a bureaucratic error is corrected to declare war on Russia. Canada is promptly wiped out (except for those two little islands in the Caribbean that seriously, seriously regret recently deciding to become part of Canada.)
The U.S. declares war on Russia, but decides against a land war on continental Asia, so they invade Japan instead. When asked "Why Japan?" a White House spokesperson replies, "We're just going with the last invasion plan that actually ended well for us."
Newfoundland declares independence at the same time as declaring war on Scotland. When asked why they did either, they respond in Newfie, and no one can understand them. Scotland ignores the declaration at their peril, discovering too late that the Newfies replaced the country's Scotch with Screech. While this doesn't have any increased intoxicating effect on the Scottish people, the ensuing bouts of nausea take them out of the fight.
The final straw is when the European Union announces independence from Greece, prompting the final round of treaties to result in every country on Earth simultaneously being at war with Madagascar. When it turns out that Madagascar is where the doomsday device is, Earth's citizens have little time for regrets before the end.
AND IT WILL ALL HAPPEN IN 2012!!!!!111111
Amazingly, all but one of the models predicts a nearly identical outcome.
The (literally) incredible chain of events unfolds as follows:
1. Donald Trump discovers his "Besties 4Eva" ring from Vladimir is actually cubic zirconia
Naturally, he insists on an immediate response, and tweets his intent to use a nuke. Early reports that he missed are met with relief, as most people misunderstand the reports to mean that he missed the button entirely. Instead, it turns out that he accidentally nuked Canada. As expected, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau leaps into action and immediately apologizes for whatever offense Canada committed to prompt the attack.
2. France feigns outrage at the bombing of Canada
France, having gone from a perfect 10-and-0 war record pre-Napoleon is looking for any excuse to improve their results since. Sensing weakness, they decide to condemn both Canada and the U.S., swearing to invade and take back Québec. Québec, upon hearing this, promptly launches their sole nuke at France.
Amazingly, in all but 3 of the 60 models predicting this outcome, this chain of events does not yet lead to World War 3. It turns out, people don't really mind if you bomb France.
3. Several mean memes from America prompt a backlash from Putin
The eight-hundredth variation of Putin-as-Jordan-crying finally cracks Putin's facade and he retaliates by invading Holland. When asked, "Why Holland?" he replies, "Fuck Holland."
This launches a series of ancient and complicated treaties, resulting in Canada declaring war on Holland before a bureaucratic error is corrected to declare war on Russia. Canada is promptly wiped out (except for those two little islands in the Caribbean that seriously, seriously regret recently deciding to become part of Canada.)
The U.S. declares war on Russia, but decides against a land war on continental Asia, so they invade Japan instead. When asked "Why Japan?" a White House spokesperson replies, "We're just going with the last invasion plan that actually ended well for us."
Newfoundland declares independence at the same time as declaring war on Scotland. When asked why they did either, they respond in Newfie, and no one can understand them. Scotland ignores the declaration at their peril, discovering too late that the Newfies replaced the country's Scotch with Screech. While this doesn't have any increased intoxicating effect on the Scottish people, the ensuing bouts of nausea take them out of the fight.
The final straw is when the European Union announces independence from Greece, prompting the final round of treaties to result in every country on Earth simultaneously being at war with Madagascar. When it turns out that Madagascar is where the doomsday device is, Earth's citizens have little time for regrets before the end.
AND IT WILL ALL HAPPEN IN 2012!!!!!111111