Silcron
N2
wow, It's been way too long since I popped in here. Hey everybody.
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Jade Empire
Posts: 50 Likes: 86
inherit
261
0
86
Silcron
wow, It's been way too long since I popped in here. Hey everybody.
50
August 2016
silcron
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Jade Empire
|
Post by Silcron on Aug 4, 2016 22:49:13 GMT
Hi, recently this cloaked being offered me a drink, being polite I thanked the being as I drunk and now I have the pleasure of adrresing you from the newly created Darkspawn Public Relations Department (DPRD or DPR, it's a work in progress.) Now, we know we haven't been presented in the best of light but just let me take a minute of your time to tell you about all the advantages of the Taint. First of all, aren't you tired of cooking, or having to stop whatever your doing to eat, or drink? What about going to the bathroom? With the Taint you won't have to worry about any of that! The Taint sustains you, no longer will you have to eat, poo, drink or pee. But Mr Spawn, you will say, what if I still want to eat? Well don't worry, you can still do it if you want to, all of those are not things you can't do, but optional! And everybody loves to have more options. Speaking of health, since you will have the Taint you will no longer have to worry about contracting any diseases, even more, welcome to inmortality! Yes, become a darkspawn and you will not be able to die from natural reasons. But what about unnatural reasons Mr Spawn? Well, thanks to our blood magic mcguffin you will be able to body hop. Yes, we are not offering you to become one of those old, boring darkspawn. Thanks to the blood magic mcguffin you will be able to body hop and control those darkspawn. Want a feet massage? They will even thank you for the opportunity. But now, enough about biology. As we all know everybody loves music, and having the Taint will allow you to listen to the most amazing song that has ever existed. Some people have said that the Song had mind control capabilities, but after they listened to It every single one retired those false accusations. I should know, I'm listening to it right now and let me tell you, there hasn't been a composer in history that made anything even close to it. Of course some foolish people may say: You are evil, for fucks sake, you are called Darkspawn. Well, that's just like when Batman says that he is the night, their part of the marketing campaign. How do we, the Darkspawn, know about Batman? Because he's Batman, of course. And the price for all these perks? Uglyness. I'll be blunt, we are ugly as hell but anyone should know that true beauty is on the inside, plus, you'll have an inmortal life to get used to it. So what are you waiting for? Go to your nearest darkspawn and ask for a drink. We want you, to be as awesome as we are *Side effects may include: becoming a member of the potty brigade, growing several mammaries and tentacles (we do it for the fetish honestly), general growing in height and muscle mass and newfound appreciation of really old dragons. **I originally created this thread on BSN Prime and was quite fond of how it went. I'm just restarting it for nostalgia's sake and to see how it can go now. ***Broganisity if you're here, our back and forth was great imo. Just thought you deserved a shout out. ****The DPRD is not responsible for any side effects you may experience from the Taint TM but we will do our best to get back to you and help you with your problem. While our Department is hard at work in a solution to your problem we recomend listening to some soothing music, we got a specially great Song we'd love for you to listen, just register at iTaint TM, it's a great service and easy to use!
|
|
inherit
154
0
1,979
Reznore
936
August 2016
reznore
|
Post by Reznore on Aug 4, 2016 23:21:22 GMT
Hi? Dear Mr Spawn , Perhaps I have misjudged you in the past , perhaps I went too far when I made claim such as "Kill all Darkspawn."It never occured to me , darkspawn had feelings too. Still I have concerns about some of your members and their politics ,the late Mr Corypheus made a campain to become a God to make Tevinter "Great Again". I always thought darkspawn were an united people who took no part in such shenanigans, united in the glory of the song . So I'd like to know what the member of the darkspawn community feels about this? Is there an official stance?
|
|
Silcron
N2
wow, It's been way too long since I popped in here. Hey everybody.
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Jade Empire
Posts: 50 Likes: 86
inherit
261
0
86
Silcron
wow, It's been way too long since I popped in here. Hey everybody.
50
August 2016
silcron
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Jade Empire
|
Post by Silcron on Aug 5, 2016 10:53:06 GMT
Hello Ms Reznore.
While it is true that we are all united under the glory of the Song (thank you for using the proper phrasing) there are exceptions that prove the rule. We can look at another example, our friendly neighbour the Architect, a most polite and charming darkspawn that only wants the best for all of us. He may sadly not be able to listen to the Song, but he is still a valued member of our community. In regards to Corypheus we treat the case as a terrible tragedy coming from ignorance for you see, the Grey Wardens are at the same time the most knowledgeable and ignorant about our kind. They will investage us endlessly but never stop to ask or talk when we visit them or the visit us. Thus we are afraid that the Grey Wardens in their experimentation on Corypheus while he was asleep and under their care may have had some side effects including delusions. We tried to help him go back to the proper ways of the Song best we could but alas, there was nothing we could do. We thank the Inquisitor for ending his suffering, may he rest in the peace of the Song now.
As for your previous statements worry not, for everyone could slip and say things she may later regret. We are also quite thick skinned, literally and metaphorically, so while it is good that you apologize know that it is very difficult to offend us. I made a note of it above but it seems you are aware of the glorious experience that is to listen to the Song. Would you be interested in trying the Taint? It comes with great many perks and as a female, should you go the through the full process, you'd end up as a most valued member of our community.
Have a nice day,
Director of the Darkspawn Public Relations Department.
|
|
inherit
154
0
1,979
Reznore
936
August 2016
reznore
|
Post by Reznore on Aug 5, 2016 11:56:01 GMT
Dear Mr Spawn,
First I wish to thank you for your prompt reply. I'm deeply touched by your invitation to partake of the Taint and hear the glorious Song. Alas , my ears are still a bit sensitive after years of hearing the Chant of Light all day , everyday. Indeed I used to be a Chantry scholar at the famous Grand Cathedral of Val Royeaux , for reasons I'd rather not get into I was branded an heretic. Enough about me. I'm sorry to hear what befell Mr Corypheus.Between you and me Mr Spawn , I do not like the Wardens , they are a suspicious order of very rude people.I was working on an essay about the endangered species of Thedas , and wished to learn more about Griffons.After many months I finally managed to get in touch with those so called "glorious" wardens and I was told "All your stupid people always ask about the bloody Griffons!Get lost!" The gall of these people! I now sense I was wrong about you and your community of darkspawn , Mr Spawn.And I wish to make amends.If you'll allow me , I'd like to write a book about you and your people .It is a lot to ask , but I sense you are an educated gentlemen,and for my research I would need to see , talk , and live among your people.I will of course follow the local customs of your people and be respecful of our differences.I am not one to judge. I believe this exchange will bring humans and darkspawn closer. I've heard you live in the magnificent Deep Roads.And I do not want to abuse your generosity but I would need another favor , my sense of direction is terrible , would you be willing to send a party of your fellow thick skinned gentlemen to guide me into those dark pits of yours?
|
|
Silcron
N2
wow, It's been way too long since I popped in here. Hey everybody.
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Jade Empire
Posts: 50 Likes: 86
inherit
261
0
86
Silcron
wow, It's been way too long since I popped in here. Hey everybody.
50
August 2016
silcron
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Jade Empire
|
Post by Silcron on Aug 5, 2016 13:04:41 GMT
Dear Ms Reznore.
I am sorry to hear about the state of your ears, I'll contact our mages, or as we call them, emmisaries to see if we can do something to help you. As for the Wardens I am horrified that they would treat you so poorly though, sadly, I am not surprised. All of our encounters with them tend to end in unsavoury exercises. It's almost as if they don't like to talk with people.
As for your request allow me to personally express my excitement and gratitude. We have never had a request like yours. I shall ensure that you have the treatment and escort a magnificent guest like yours deserves. Expect to see a variety from our brethren and emmisaries since I'm afraid that due to the sublime magnificence of the Song many darkspawn are not fond of the activity of speaking.
I will send you several locations close to each other in which you will be able to encounter your escort. I'll give them orders to move between them periodically so if you arrive and don't see them just wait for a bit. While it could be easier for you to approach us from a dwarven city I'm afraid that like with the Wardens we do not have the best relationship with our neighbours and thus the encounter could prove difficult.
I wish the best of travels,
Director of the Darkspawn Public Relations Department.
|
|
inherit
376
0
Oct 17, 2016 19:19:36 GMT
3,474
opuspace
2,129
August 2016
opuspace
|
Post by opuspace on Aug 6, 2016 3:51:09 GMT
You fiend! What you offer is not order nor sanctuary away from the necessary evil that is our bowel movement! You would instill a system of oppression as vile as the DMV! Where beauracracy would rule as the Vogons have done before! Where memes of Kim Davis parodies would erupt with Darkspawn saying, "Didn't believe in the Old Gods, still did my job!"
|
|
inherit
Friend of Red Jenny
90
0
18,890
vertigomez
5,281
August 2016
vertigomez
|
Post by vertigomez on Aug 7, 2016 3:20:02 GMT
Seems legit.
Do you offer dental insurance, or..?
|
|
Julilla
N3
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Jade Empire, Mass Effect Andromeda
Posts: 321 Likes: 841
inherit
415
0
Mar 25, 2024 18:22:05 GMT
841
Julilla
321
August 2016
julilla
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Jade Empire, Mass Effect Andromeda
|
Post by Julilla on Aug 7, 2016 3:33:42 GMT
OP is obviously a male. As a female type I'll thank you to keep your filthy Taint off of me. This is a Patriarchal Darkspawn ruse!
|
|
Silcron
N2
wow, It's been way too long since I popped in here. Hey everybody.
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Jade Empire
Posts: 50 Likes: 86
inherit
261
0
86
Silcron
wow, It's been way too long since I popped in here. Hey everybody.
50
August 2016
silcron
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Jade Empire
|
Post by Silcron on Aug 7, 2016 17:14:40 GMT
Seems legit. Do you offer dental insurance, or..? Well Mr Vertigomez, that depens on what you call dental insurance. Having cluan, white teeth? No, we don't do that. Not having to take care of your teeth, or mouth or any type of health issue ever again? That is our specialty (along with mutations, and searching for ancient dragons, and spreating the Taint TM.) So technically we don't have any dental or health insurance, but that's because they're thing we don't have to care about anymore. If you're still interested I suggest approaching the nearest darkspawn or Deeproads entrance to enjoy your new, better live with actual soundtrack provided by the Song.
|
|
inherit
ღ I am a golem. Obviously.
440
0
24,181
phoray
Dreadnaw Rising
12,570
August 2016
phoray
Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition
|
Post by phoray on Aug 8, 2016 4:30:15 GMT
Dear Mr. Spawn,
It had been my belief that one can not become a Darkspawn, one must be born a Darkspawn. The only way to hear the Glory of the Song is to eat tainted Darkspawn bodies. I have been told it is a painful method, and that one may not even survive this method. If I were to actually to approach a Darkspawn, I do believe they would merely spear me to death and (optionally) eat my flesh.
What so says you, Mr. Spawn, to that?
|
|
Silcron
N2
wow, It's been way too long since I popped in here. Hey everybody.
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Jade Empire
Posts: 50 Likes: 86
inherit
261
0
86
Silcron
wow, It's been way too long since I popped in here. Hey everybody.
50
August 2016
silcron
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Jade Empire
|
Post by Silcron on Aug 8, 2016 14:07:29 GMT
Dear Ms Phoray
While it is true that most people do not become what you would call Darkspawn we accept everyone that can hear the glory of the Song as Darkspawn, though some may be suspicious if you do not look ugly as it is the known side effect of the TaintTM.
As for the process you mention I'll freely admit that it is a bit painful but the results far outweigh the discomforts of the process.
As for your last statement you have to understand, usually the poor people that do not have the glory of the Song to guide them are lost and value physical beauty over anything else and they tend to stab and kill beings that they consider ugly. I'm not saying you are one of those many, but I've also heard people call Dragons beautiful (on that every Darkspawn can agree) and still try to kill them. It is just so very difficult to understand people that do not enjoy the glory of the Song. It is for this reason that we set up the Darkspawn Public Relations Department, so people like you could approach us without getting "speared to death."
Lastly, I'll admit that not everything if the fault of the ignorance of the Songless people for, you see, when we find an ancient dragon it is for us such a magnificent event that we just have to party, hard. The dragons have always agreed and encouraged that and every time we go to the surface to show the Songles people the glory that is the TaintTM and the Song. Sadly they do not understand that our parties have a tendency to get out of hand. We do not mind but apparently Songless people do mind when some die in a party. It is a cultural difference that we have not been able to deal with in a peaceful, civiliced way; or any for that matter. For some reason Songless people do not like talking to us. We blame it on physical uglyness.
Hope this quench your doubts and have a nice day,
Director of the Darkspawn Public Relations Department.
|
|
HK90210
N4
Expletive: Damn it, master, I am an assassination droid... not a dictionary!
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Jade Empire, Mass Effect Andromeda
Posts: 1,300 Likes: 3,166
inherit
31
0
3,166
HK90210
Expletive: Damn it, master, I am an assassination droid... not a dictionary!
1,300
August 2016
hk90210
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Jade Empire, Mass Effect Andromeda
|
Post by HK90210 on Aug 8, 2016 20:53:52 GMT
Dear Mr. Spawn
There are in fact those of us who, while liking the idea of listing to glorious songs all day, every day, I myself have one reservation in particular about your offer. My problem stems from a great fondness of my free will and desire for self-determination.
As we observed in your movement's unfortunate Corypheus snafu, many darkspawn fell under his direct control, and were unable to decide for themselves whether or not to thrw themselves into the heat of battle in order to wipe out the Inquisition. Now I am not opposed to allowing those who WISHED to take part in such a campaign doing so of their own volition. But the idea of being forced to take part in actions that I may personally disagree with makes me somewhat nervous. From what I understand, Archdemons perform a similar type of mind control during their campaigns against Grey Warden bigots. Am I mistaken in my assessment of Darkspwan culture?
Also, there those of us with family in the Grey Wardens or who are Grey Warden sympathizers. Are there resources available so that we can adequately explain our decision to become Darkspawn without severing family ties? I mean, they may oppose my decision and see me as an abomination that must be destroyed, but they are still family.
|
|
Silcron
N2
wow, It's been way too long since I popped in here. Hey everybody.
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Jade Empire
Posts: 50 Likes: 86
inherit
261
0
86
Silcron
wow, It's been way too long since I popped in here. Hey everybody.
50
August 2016
silcron
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Jade Empire
|
Post by Silcron on Aug 8, 2016 22:38:40 GMT
Dear HK90210 (47 must be so jealous)
While those seem to be very interesting conversations I am afraid I do not understand what you are talking about. I have never met Corypheus and do not know if he could indeed control Darkspawn. As I have stated before we send some of our own to try to help him but sadly he had to be put down. As for the Archdemons (we call them Dragons, but they prefer to be called that. They're probably in an edgy phase) finding them is part of our culture and then we party following the Dragons, they are much older Darkspawn and know the best places to party, which are all in the surface. It'd be nice if we could end a party without the Dragon dying but oh well, it's something that happens when you party hard. You'll have to excuse me, I seem to remember that you also wanted to talk about something else...will self or free determinations or something like that. It probably wasn't that important, I asked around and nobody knew what you were talking about.
Well, from what we can gather it seems that your family would indeed try to kill you but after much deliveration and asking some Wardens we found in a tunnel we have found a solution to your dilemma. They are Wardens, sooner or later they hear the glory of the Song and come to visit us. Since the TaintTM nourishes and keeps you alive you cannot die of old age, so just tell them as they come down listening to the Song. They'll be much more reasonable then.
I hope this helped you and hope to see you soon.
Director of the Darkspawn Public Relations Department
|
|