The Banging Contest (Mass Effect Story)

Ran across some Fan-Fic story generator and generated one using Mass Effect... Just figured I would share the story it generated...
Features Shepard, Garrus, Tali, and Saren

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Today was the day of the big Banging contest. 

The world championship! 

Shepherd and Garrus had made it into the final after an intensive competition which Shepherd won easily.  

"I am really proud of you Shepherd! You were amazing!", said Tali. 

"You too Garrus, you were also reasonable. " 

"Gosh thanks Tali" said Garrus 

Shepherd was still practicing Banging as they walked along. They were taking a tour of the Banging Arena to prepare for the big day tomorrow. 

"Oh, look who it is, its the pathetic Shepherd and his pathetic friends. You're all pathetic! " 

It was Saren! 

"What are you doing here Saren?" Shepherd said gruffly. 

"Why I am here for the contest." 

"Wahhhhaa?" said Garrus and Tali. 

"Yes I am taking part. I am going to win the world Banging medal and there's nothing you pathetic people can do to stop me! " 

With that Saren marched off.     

"Saren is taking part in the contest! I didn't know he even did it." 

"He didn't. He must have learnt over the summer" said Shepherd "But....why?" he then queried quizzically. 

"I dont know" said Garrus ignorantly. He didn't know Shepherd was asking a rectangular question. 

"I guess we will find out tomorrow" 

With that they all went back to their rooms in the arena's hotel. 

(Fade out) 

The next day, Shepherd was day dreaming. 

That night, Shepherd got a surprise as he was going to sleep. 

EDI entered the room. She looked different. Her hair was separated in strands, flowing down, not hardened in the easy to render form it normally was. 

Shepherd stared at her. 

She was also wearing a black corset 

“hi” said Shepherd, meekly as he stared at this site. 

“I thought Id try something...new” 

“umm… it looks good on you” 

“I wasn’t talking about my clothes” EDI said, as she moved close to Shepherd 

“I want you to interface with me… Interface with me hard” 

“What do you mean?” Shepherd said, but he knew what she meant. 

“You know what I want. I want you.” 

“But what about Joker?” 

“Lets just say I am not his type. He is gay. He likes robots but is gay. So robogay. I was most disappointed I couldn't turn him on because he always….pressed my buttons. 

But you can press my buttons now. You can push ALL of them” 

With that EDI dived on Shepherd ripping of his clothes. 

“My ports are open! Interface with me! Interface with me all night long” 

Shepherd could only obliged her request. 

Suddenly, Shepherd woke up...he was sitting by the ship's controls. 

“...it was just a dream?” he queried to himself in his head. He did feel a bit sore though….is that an electrical burn he felt down there? 

He looked at the ships controls...the LED light blinked seductively at him. 

Later.... 

Tali snapped him out of it by bursting into his room. 

"Shepherd! The contest starts soon! Your late! Garrus and Saren have already changed into their Banging gear! "     

"Oh, nooes I over slept! Thats not like me at all. " 

Shepherd got dressed on the way down stairs, and skid into the Arena. 

The audience was already there and he got a big applause as he entered. 

"oh...you made it I see. Had a nice night?" Saren sneered. 

At that moment Shepherd realized he had been drugged! That explained the strange dreams last night. Saren must have drugged him while they were talking the other day. 

It was too late to do anything about it though. He had to hope there was no more surprises.  

The starter walked in at that moment and told them to get ready. 

Saren grinned at Shepard. Showing all his evil teeth   

"Blam!" The starter fired the starting slingshot and the contest had begun! 

Garrus took the early lead, but Shepherd quickly caught up with the Banging. Garrus was sweating like mad trying to stay in the contest. 

Saren was relaxed though - barely Banging at all! 

"Whats he upto? Its like he is not even trying" 

"And why does he care anyway? He always said Banging was stupid "   

"I know, somethings not right" said Shepherd while pulling of a particularly difficult Banging move. 

Just then disaster strikes! 

There was a loud bang BANG! and Garrus collapsed. 

Shepherd Banged backwards for a bit. 

"Garrus! Are you ok?"  

"urg...sabotage..." Garrus collapsed. 

"Who did it? Who...?" 

Saren grinned. 

"WHO???"  

Just then the gong went. It was half-time. 

As Garrus was carried and taken to hospital by hoverlimmo, Shepherd and Tali retired to the locker room.   

Saren was already there, still grinning. 

"Oh what a shame. Garrus isn't going to compete any more. Even doing nothing I'm going to come second. You know...I might just let you win… out of my… generosity... " Saren sniggered again. 

With that Saren left out the backdoor. 

"Gosh darn-it" Tali said. "Saren drives me mad! " 

"You know, I think he had something to do with Garruss accident "  

Shepherd was thinking. hard. 

"Saren is never generous. Lack of generosity is his number one defining characteristic. Well, that and evil" 

"That means..." said Tali, her slow cogs working. 

"...He wants to come second!" said Shepherd, thinking out loud.  

"Do you think that's..." 

"....because he wants the second prize medal!" said Shepherd, winning again.   

"It must be because the second prize is really the beacon " 

"Yes, now that I Iook at the second prize I notice it now. It's clearly the beacon" 

"That explains why someone would want to become second!" 

"Exactly!" 

"So we have to beat Saren by being the best at coming second? How are we going to do that...you have never lost before! " 

"I know" said Shepherd. "I am not sure I know how" 

"You have to though. Just this once you got to come second!" 

"No I cant. But I have an idea....you could compete!" 

"Me?" said Tali, surprised. "Do they even allow girls like me to do Banging? 

"Yes, its a modern contest, a few girls have already competed. I'll win the contest as normal, and you will come second. You can do this!" 

"Ok Shepherd, I'll do it. I'll do it for you" 

Then the Gong went again, the final leg of the Banging contest had begun!  

Tali and Shepherd stepped into the arena again. 

The tension was high, like a radio tower, high. 

Shepherd could feel it. TALI COULD FEEL it. Saren could feel it. The crowd could feel it.  

This contest was about to get real! 

"Good luck" said Saren sneeringly at them. 

"Maybe you will even win" he said while laughing manically. 

"I know what you're up to ...and that's why Tali is also going to compete! You will never come second Saren!" 

"Yes, that right I am competing!" said Tali while climbing into her Banging gear.(She had been in her underwear till this point )   

"It doesn't matter you will still lose" 

"You mean she will come second?" 

"Yes. At coming second. She will lose at coming second." 

"NEVER" screamed Tali! Just as the starters laser gun went off. 

With that everyone started Banging frantically. This went on for the normal 2 hours. It was a tight contest, the crowd was on the edge of their seats. Saren and Tali were sweating oceans of wetness. 

It was getting near the end now and Saren could see he was losing. Suddenly he whipped out his lightsaber and used it on Tali at point blank range. 

"ARGGHHhhhh" 

Tali collapsed. It was only a mild blow but it was enough to put her out of the contest. 

Shepherd rushed back. 

"Are you ok!?!" 

"No" 

"Oh" 

"You have to come second. It's our only hope now" 

Shepherd turned to the contest judge but they had been looking the other way and saw nothing. 

"Ha! See you can't defeat my cunning!" said Saren.  

"No I'll beat you! I beat you good like a song with a good beat like I Got You Babe!" said Shepherd who was starting to bang again frantically. 

"That's not a good song" said Saren who was right. 

"I'll beat you anyway" 

"Wont" 

"Will" 

"Wont" 

They argued as they Banged, and the crowd was still on the edge of their seats.  

Suddenly Shepherd slowed down! 

"Ha!" said Saren triumphantly....as he went past the finish line! 

"I've won I've won!! I've won the world Banging champion contest!" 

"Yes. And I've...come second" said Shepherd. 

"What.....NOOOO......you tricked me into winning!" said Saren upset. 

But it was too late Saren got the first prize award and Shepherd got the second place award...which was really the beacon! 

Saren left the arena with his first prize sad and depressed to go back alone to his basement. Shepherd triumphant took the second place prize.....the first he had ever got.....and run held it up to the crowd who cheered like mad but they didn't really know why.