Leaping Up A Console Generation - Some Assembly Required
Jun 6, 2023 15:36:07 GMT
Beerfish and DragonKingReborn like this
Post by Jeremiah12LGeek on Jun 6, 2023 15:36:07 GMT
I have to wait for everything to install. That's why this thread is happening. I need something to do besides watching installation numbers very... slowly... increase.
New TV and New XXX Box - The Cursy-Sweary Part
Seriously, if the next series isn't called "The Triple X Box" I'll be disappointed. It's not like we don't already use it for porn, anyway. I assume that's what the "Dead or Alive" series is. I could play one to find out, but I'm worried about chafing.
This was definitely the hardest part. The TV had holes. The XBox had slots. They both had long bits that had to go places. But not the same places, they had to go to very specific places, each one different. And they were labelled.
Unfortunately, they were labelled with letters of a size inappropriate for a middle-aged person with glasses. More appropriate for a 2-year-old with 180/20 vision. (I don't know if that's a real vision measurement, but it's what you need.)
Syncing the Joystick - The Elusive "Theory of Everything" (that MS just can't seem to figure out)
- Five minutes to find a website with the correct version of the console, and an actual visual aid to where to find the syuc button on the XBox.
- Five more minutes to figure out which way the uniform rectangle is supposed to face to match the photo.
- Five more minutes to figure out if pressing the button was actually doing anything.
- Five more minutes of watching buttons flash and nothing happening, while holding a joystick awkwardly in one hand and balancing an Xbox on my knees while pressing a button with my other hand.
- Finally, both lights flash solid and the joystick actually does something. Science!
Modern Games Are 25 GB Per Line of Code
Now everything is downloading, which should take about 7 months, 3 days and 7 hours with high-speed internet. Slightly less if I pay the illuminati a premium to speed things along from their hidden lair on the defunct America Online website (I mean, of course that's where they hide, it's where no one would think to look.)
And now, I can meticulously store my XBox One safely, carrying it, its cables and accessories, with me every time I move for the next several years until I realize how pointless and dumb that is and finally throw it out, like I did with my 360 earlier this year.
New TV and New XXX Box - The Cursy-Sweary Part
Seriously, if the next series isn't called "The Triple X Box" I'll be disappointed. It's not like we don't already use it for porn, anyway. I assume that's what the "Dead or Alive" series is. I could play one to find out, but I'm worried about chafing.
This was definitely the hardest part. The TV had holes. The XBox had slots. They both had long bits that had to go places. But not the same places, they had to go to very specific places, each one different. And they were labelled.
Unfortunately, they were labelled with letters of a size inappropriate for a middle-aged person with glasses. More appropriate for a 2-year-old with 180/20 vision. (I don't know if that's a real vision measurement, but it's what you need.)
Syncing the Joystick - The Elusive "Theory of Everything" (that MS just can't seem to figure out)
- Five minutes to find a website with the correct version of the console, and an actual visual aid to where to find the syuc button on the XBox.
- Five more minutes to figure out which way the uniform rectangle is supposed to face to match the photo.
- Five more minutes to figure out if pressing the button was actually doing anything.
- Five more minutes of watching buttons flash and nothing happening, while holding a joystick awkwardly in one hand and balancing an Xbox on my knees while pressing a button with my other hand.
- Finally, both lights flash solid and the joystick actually does something. Science!
Modern Games Are 25 GB Per Line of Code
Now everything is downloading, which should take about 7 months, 3 days and 7 hours with high-speed internet. Slightly less if I pay the illuminati a premium to speed things along from their hidden lair on the defunct America Online website (I mean, of course that's where they hide, it's where no one would think to look.)
And now, I can meticulously store my XBox One safely, carrying it, its cables and accessories, with me every time I move for the next several years until I realize how pointless and dumb that is and finally throw it out, like I did with my 360 earlier this year.
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