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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2021 19:47:19 GMT
Post a question you have that you are indecisive about.
Can be about anything; helps if you make it simple, concise, and try to give clear options... unless you're indecisive about that. All levels of indecision are accepted here.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2021 19:50:13 GMT
I'm hella indecisive about my avatar and signature right now. I have Thruckit Thrawn from Rebels with a telltale glint in his eye, which I like. But I also absolutely love this for a sig too. I'm currently too indecisive to tackle both my sig and avatar so I'll guess I start with the sig. *** Thruckit Thrawn? Or Beyond the Aquila Rift lounge scene?
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Post by nopersdeviv on Oct 18, 2021 20:34:11 GMT
I'd use both so that it looks like Thruckit is glaring at the rift. Adjust the sizes so they both fit, would be my suggestion.
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Beerfish
N7
Little Pumpkin
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, Mass Effect Andromeda, Anthem, Mass Effect Legendary Edition
Origin: Beerfish
XBL Gamertag: Beerfish77
Posts: 15,037 Likes: 35,867
Member is Online
inherit
Little Pumpkin
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Member is Online
35,867
Beerfish
15,037
August 2016
beerfish
https://bsn.boards.net/user/314/personal
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, Mass Effect Andromeda, Anthem, Mass Effect Legendary Edition
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Post by Beerfish on Oct 18, 2021 21:30:19 GMT
I can't decide whether I should use the wood chipper or barrels with acid and lime.
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Post by nopersdeviv on Oct 18, 2021 21:37:58 GMT
Go with the acid and lime,if you want it all gone. Wood chippers just break things down, they don't desolve them.
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B. Hieronymus Da
Unapologetic Western Chauvinist. Barefoot. Great Toenails
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August 2016
bevesthda
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights
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Post by B. Hieronymus Da on Oct 18, 2021 22:07:28 GMT
I can't decide whether I should use the wood chipper or barrels with acid and lime. Both are bad ideas. But as a pretending writer, I have to follow code. Meaning I shouldn't give out working advice, that helps people to,.. well, you know,.. 🤡
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Post by Jeremiah12LGeek on Oct 18, 2021 23:52:13 GMT
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seven
N6
All the things.
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, Mass Effect Andromeda, SWTOR, Anthem, Mass Effect Legendary Edition
Posts: 5,624 Likes: 13,884
inherit
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13,884
seven
All the things.
5,624
March 2019
seven
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, Mass Effect Andromeda, SWTOR, Anthem, Mass Effect Legendary Edition
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Post by seven on Oct 21, 2021 10:40:35 GMT
I'm hella indecisive about my avatar and signature right now. I have Thruckit Thrawn from Rebels with a telltale glint in his eye, which I like. But I also absolutely love this for a sig too. I'm currently too indecisive to tackle both my sig and avatar so I'll guess I start with the sig. *** Thruckit Thrawn? Or Beyond the Aquila Rift lounge scene? I'm a fan of option B.
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a tidy workspace is the sign of a deranged mind
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Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, Mass Effect Andromeda
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Post by nanotm on Oct 22, 2021 8:20:01 GMT
I can't decide whether I should use the wood chipper or barrels with acid and lime. use both, when your dissolving things size matters, smaller bits dissolve faster, also probably going to need more barrels than you thought originally and unless your planning on leaving evidence around a top tip is to go to some scrubland disturb the earth and then make a report the plod will dig the holes for you and afterwards they wont bother checking the same place again.... for reference you should aim to put no more than half full barrels and you will need auto degassing valves, probably best if you have a tannery or some other large noxious plant close by and a lockup to store the stuff in for the few months its going to take before you can get rid of all the stuff you used.... and yes you will need to get rid of the drums as well as the chipper and just dumping the chipper into the acid solution wont be enough to clean it properly.... its much better all round to just dump them in a remote area next to a high speed stretch of a train track, unless there are ligature marks or bullet holes in the body, dont worry about any other damage it will be put down to "hit by train" or "hit by debris" and "bad luck" in the absence of any other evidence so they wont even look for you unless your so incompetent you leave obvious details around.... failing that head to the top of a high rise building (at least 30 floors) and lob them off works especially well if its frozen since it becomes a giant shattered puzzle that will take them years to figure out (just remove the bullet from the body so they cant trace you through that first)
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a tidy workspace is the sign of a deranged mind
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Post by nanotm on Oct 25, 2021 16:23:48 GMT
I should probs stop watching tiktok....
I've a dilemma, should I tell my kid the DNA test swab is a PCR swab effectively tricking him into taking the test with me??? will the result change anything??? I mean would I get awarded more money when my psycho ex gets round to filing for divorce or would he be forced to stop living with me???
for reference theres literally a zero percent chance he's mine since I was in a different country when she got pregnant, however due to reasons I couldn't kick her out for 5 years without being declared bankrupt and since I ended up in a wheelchair during that time period, so since I couldn't look after myself during the transition period her answer was to dabble with poison in my food a few times which is why I cancelled my life insurance (apparently she felt she couldn't leave me since other people might hate her for it, well the kids hate her for trying to kill me and being a slut so that didnt work out like she planned)
For reference none of the kids are willing to take a test despite the fact that she has told them all that I both am and am not their dad (the adult ones dont really care, to them I will always be their dad) but the youngest really is scared since he has abandonment issues and his mother originally tricked him into going to live with her, told him repeatedly that he wasn't mine and that I hated him (the last bit is and always will be untrue) after he moved in with her she tried asking for support money for him, I said as soon as we do a DNA test sure, her response was to block my number...she couldn't stop him visiting since his siblings still live here...
So now I'm kinda stuck, the DNA test is only good for another 3 months since I got it last January, theres no refund for not using it and I dont know if I should use it or not now that he's living with me...
any advice?
Under UK law I cant file for divorce since she got diagnosed as being a loon after we had kids, but she can so I have to wait for her to file for it...
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seven
N6
All the things.
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, Mass Effect Andromeda, SWTOR, Anthem, Mass Effect Legendary Edition
Posts: 5,624 Likes: 13,884
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13,884
seven
All the things.
5,624
March 2019
seven
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, Mass Effect Andromeda, SWTOR, Anthem, Mass Effect Legendary Edition
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Post by seven on Oct 26, 2021 6:57:32 GMT
Hmm ok. Difficult one.
Is there a free legal aid helpline you can contact for information about what will happen if a divorce comes along? If it's a small fee, it may be worthwhile considering just so you can be aware of any potential outcomes and prepare for them.
I've got a few questions about the situation before I get to my opinion on it - please be aware there's probably a whole stack of personal biases/feelings ect toward it so please don't feel like I'm being negative or rude ect. 1. The youngest child - how old are they? 2. Other than actual confirmation of the DNA test results, how does this benefit yourself solely? (Can't think of a better way to word this one, I mean more in an objective sense, not saying ulterior motives if you know what I mean.) 3. Considering the above question, is it worth the potential outcomes of having the child tested? Will it negatively affect their frame of mind about the whole situation.
Onto whether I think you should tell him it's a PCR test or not.
No, I don't think you should because if it comes back (I'm going to assume here that the youngest child is fairly young) that you are not the biological parent, it may may not help with the abandonment issues that they currently have. I get it that you are certain that you are not, but this child may still be holding on to the realistically tiny chance that you are their biological parent. They may also start thinking more and more about what their mother has said about you.
It's a bit of a minefield here, you may want to consider asking the youngest if they want to do the test if you feel they are able to understand the details of it.
Your ex sounds like she has some major issues and needs professional help. Poisoning someone to save face is far worse than leaving someone because other people might not like you for it.
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a tidy workspace is the sign of a deranged mind
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Post by nanotm on Oct 26, 2021 8:40:51 GMT
Hmm ok. Difficult one. Is there a free legal aid helpline you can contact for information about what will happen if a divorce comes along? If it's a small fee, it may be worthwhile considering just so you can be aware of any potential outcomes and prepare for them. I've got a few questions about the situation before I get to my opinion on it - please be aware there's probably a whole stack of personal biases/feelings ect toward it so please don't feel like I'm being negative or rude ect. 1. The youngest child - how old are they? 2. Other than actual confirmation of the DNA test results, how does this benefit yourself solely? (Can't think of a better way to word this one, I mean more in an objective sense, not saying ulterior motives if you know what I mean.) 3. Considering the above question, is it worth the potential outcomes of having the child tested? Will it negatively affect their frame of mind about the whole situation. Onto whether I think you should tell him it's a PCR test or not. No, I don't think you should because if it comes back (I'm going to assume here that the youngest child is fairly young) that you are not the biological parent, it may may not help with the abandonment issues that they currently have. I get it that you are certain that you are not, but this child may still be holding on to the realistically tiny chance that you are their biological parent. They may also start thinking more and more about what their mother has said about you. It's a bit of a minefield here, you may want to consider asking the youngest if they want to do the test if you feel they are able to understand the details of it. Your ex sounds like she has some major issues and needs professional help. Poisoning someone to save face is far worse than leaving someone because other people might not like you for it. 1) 15 2) um it doesnt I am currently getting nothing for him living with me other than his emo outbursts... 3) I dont think its possible to make him feel more negative about the situation, he knows his mother lied to me for 2 years whilst having an affair (mostly due to things that were said around him whilst he lived with her and her fella) he knows she has lied to him a lot during that same time period, she effectively cut off contact with our daughter and doesnt want to see her, so as far as he's concerned she's a lying C*** and he wants nothing to do with her, making it worse she didnt tell him about a health problem for 3 months and let him learn about it from overhearing his siblings talking about it... yeah well theres a reason why I called her a psycho, theres a lot of other stuff but it all goes back a lot of years and me basically not caring about my life, I did leave her at one point a long time ago, ended up in a coma at some point woke up not knowing who I was and she was next to the bed had no idea who she was thought I was 12 (at the time I was 21) she signed me out of the hospital and took me home by lying to me, some things happened I went into a psych ward, went into protective custody, went to a funeral then jumped on transport off to a combat zone (was in the military) when I was supposed to have gone back to custody... shit happened, ended up in hospital again, went from there to camp and then off on a course to "get me out of the way" for a couple of months whilst they worked out what was going to happen, a few months later our first child was born... its hard for me because theres a lot of stuff I dont remember, often it feels like theres a lot that went on but I can only remember a handful of incidents and most of them are fuzzy at best... she spent 20 years adding things to my food to keep my brain foggy, something she claims she was doing for my own good... I only found out about it after she left since she told someone else about it and they were worried... now dont get the impression I was perfect, I sure as hell wasn't, she cheated a couple of days after we got married my response was to get her bff up the duff (childish I know) she continued to sleep around and I slept in the spare room, moved another girl in to live with us fell in love got her pregnant she had to go visit her parents and didnt come back becasue the situation was weird... a few months went by we sort of patched things up and then i got posted to a new unit, my ex gf came to stay for a few weeks during that time someone tried to murder me (nobody new why but the police knew a contract had been taken out, hence the protective custody thing) I was under investigation for 2 dead bodies and my wife decided that now was the best time to hand me a pile of paperwork and explain how she was going to seek custody of my child and then run away and do things to it (I came close that day) so I got my ex gf to leave, she died in a car wreck a week later at the time I was in hospital in a coma after someone cracked my skull.... yeah shits complicated, I have no idea what happened to the baby, not sure if her family even knew it was mine... so when they offered witness protection I laughed at them becasue I didnt care, I've questioned why I'm still alive a lot over the years, have a lot of injuries related to my job and some strange scars I dont remember getting, last time I went for an operation to fix my shoulder they found out I had been poisoned due to the reaction I had during the operation (daft buggers resuscitated me and treated the poison) what should have been a 24 hour stop in hospital turned into a 2 week stay, some times my wife admits it was her sometimes not (depends on how she is feeling) again I didnt really care, ive spent most of the last 20 years slurping down pain meds that civi dr's wouldn't prescribe outside of a hospital (the military doesnt have the same restrictions) and yeah I realise theres a lot that hasn't been said, like the fact one of our kids died at 6mths old almost 18 years ago, that I spent an average of 16 hours a day at work when I wasn't away for months at a time... but honestly for all that happened I dont really care, she left me when she realised I just didnt give a shit and it became boring to abuse me... well that and I cancelled the life insurance so after attempting to push me into traffic on a steep downhill by pretending to stumble and shove my wheelchair (brakes worked when I applied them) she spent 2 years spending all my credit before doing one... about the only positive to come out of all that is that a year down the road I actually want to leave the house for the first time in a decade, now I just need somewhere to go and some people to go with (I've lived in the same place for 11 years and literally know 1 person, used to be 5 but the other 4 moved a couple of years ago, then again I wasn't allowed out except for during remembrance since I was too embarrassing) funny thing though, since the day she left I havent needed pain meds more than 5 times, barely needed any medication at all, used to be I couldn't get out of bed without a dose of oramorph due to pain... I guess that whatever she was putting in my food did more than just mess with my head.... as too what the DNA test would do, it would depend on if she ever files for divorce and what a judge decided... on the positive it would stop her getting anything from me that she hasn't already had, might entitle me to child support, might fuck over the kid... the last is the one thing I dont want
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seven
N6
All the things.
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, Mass Effect Andromeda, SWTOR, Anthem, Mass Effect Legendary Edition
Posts: 5,624 Likes: 13,884
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seven
All the things.
5,624
March 2019
seven
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, Mass Effect Andromeda, SWTOR, Anthem, Mass Effect Legendary Edition
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Post by seven on Oct 26, 2021 9:13:10 GMT
Hmm ok. Difficult one. Is there a free legal aid helpline you can contact for information about what will happen if a divorce comes along? If it's a small fee, it may be worthwhile considering just so you can be aware of any potential outcomes and prepare for them. I've got a few questions about the situation before I get to my opinion on it - please be aware there's probably a whole stack of personal biases/feelings ect toward it so please don't feel like I'm being negative or rude ect. 1. The youngest child - how old are they? 2. Other than actual confirmation of the DNA test results, how does this benefit yourself solely? (Can't think of a better way to word this one, I mean more in an objective sense, not saying ulterior motives if you know what I mean.) 3. Considering the above question, is it worth the potential outcomes of having the child tested? Will it negatively affect their frame of mind about the whole situation. Onto whether I think you should tell him it's a PCR test or not. No, I don't think you should because if it comes back (I'm going to assume here that the youngest child is fairly young) that you are not the biological parent, it may may not help with the abandonment issues that they currently have. I get it that you are certain that you are not, but this child may still be holding on to the realistically tiny chance that you are their biological parent. They may also start thinking more and more about what their mother has said about you. It's a bit of a minefield here, you may want to consider asking the youngest if they want to do the test if you feel they are able to understand the details of it. Your ex sounds like she has some major issues and needs professional help. Poisoning someone to save face is far worse than leaving someone because other people might not like you for it. 1) 15 2) um it doesnt I am currently getting nothing for him living with me other than his emo outbursts... 3) I dont think its possible to make him feel more negative about the situation, he knows his mother lied to me for 2 years whilst having an affair (mostly due to things that were said around him whilst he lived with her and her fella) he knows she has lied to him a lot during that same time period, she effectively cut off contact with our daughter and doesnt want to see her, so as far as he's concerned she's a lying C*** and he wants nothing to do with her, making it worse she didnt tell him about a health problem for 3 months and let him learn about it from overhearing his siblings talking about it... yeah well theres a reason why I called her a psycho, theres a lot of other stuff but it all goes back a lot of years and me basically not caring about my life, I did leave her at one point a long time ago, ended up in a coma at some point woke up not knowing who I was and she was next to the bed had no idea who she was thought I was 12 (at the time I was 21) she signed me out of the hospital and took me home by lying to me, some things happened I went into a psych ward, went into protective custody, went to a funeral then jumped on transport off to a combat zone (was in the military) when I was supposed to have gone back to custody... shit happened, ended up in hospital again, went from there to camp and then off on a course to "get me out of the way" for a couple of months whilst they worked out what was going to happen, a few months later our first child was born... its hard for me because theres a lot of stuff I dont remember, often it feels like theres a lot that went on but I can only remember a handful of incidents and most of them are fuzzy at best... she spent 20 years adding things to my food to keep my brain foggy, something she claims she was doing for my own good... I only found out about it after she left since she told someone else about it and they were worried... now dont get the impression I was perfect, I sure as hell wasn't, she cheated a couple of days after we got married my response was to get her bff up the duff (childish I know) she continued to sleep around and I slept in the spare room, moved another girl in to live with us fell in love got her pregnant she had to go visit her parents and didnt come back becasue the situation was weird... a few months went by we sort of patched things up and then i got posted to a new unit, my ex gf came to stay for a few weeks during that time someone tried to murder me (nobody new why but the police knew a contract had been taken out, hence the protective custody thing) I was under investigation for 2 dead bodies and my wife decided that now was the best time to hand me a pile of paperwork and explain how she was going to seek custody of my child and then run away and do things to it (I came close that day) so I got my ex gf to leave, she died in a car wreck a week later at the time I was in hospital in a coma after someone cracked my skull.... yeah shits complicated, I have no idea what happened to the baby, not sure if her family even knew it was mine... so when they offered witness protection I laughed at them becasue I didnt care, I've questioned why I'm still alive a lot over the years, have a lot of injuries related to my job and some strange scars I dont remember getting, last time I went for an operation to fix my shoulder they found out I had been poisoned due to the reaction I had during the operation (daft buggers resuscitated me and treated the poison) what should have been a 24 hour stop in hospital turned into a 2 week stay, some times my wife admits it was her sometimes not (depends on how she is feeling) again I didnt really care, ive spent most of the last 20 years slurping down pain meds that civi dr's wouldn't prescribe outside of a hospital (the military doesnt have the same restrictions) and yeah I realise theres a lot that hasn't been said, like the fact one of our kids died at 6mths old almost 18 years ago, that I spent an average of 16 hours a day at work when I wasn't away for months at a time... but honestly for all that happened I dont really care, she left me when she realised I just didnt give a shit and it became boring to abuse me... well that and I cancelled the life insurance so after attempting to push me into traffic on a steep downhill by pretending to stumble and shove my wheelchair (brakes worked when I applied them) she spent 2 years spending all my credit before doing one... about the only positive to come out of all that is that a year down the road I actually want to leave the house for the first time in a decade, now I just need somewhere to go and some people to go with (I've lived in the same place for 11 years and literally know 1 person, used to be 5 but the other 4 moved a couple of years ago, then again I wasn't allowed out except for during remembrance since I was too embarrassing) funny thing though, since the day she left I havent needed pain meds more than 5 times, barely needed any medication at all, used to be I couldn't get out of bed without a dose of oramorph due to pain... I guess that whatever she was putting in my food did more than just mess with my head.... as too what the DNA test would do, it would depend on if she ever files for divorce and what a judge decided... on the positive it would stop her getting anything from me that she hasn't already had, might entitle me to child support, might fuck over the kid... the last is the one thing I dont want Daaaamn how many mirrors did you actually break to get that much bad luck? All things considered, there's probably not a perfect answer to your situation. Probably just one that works out for you more than the others. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to seek out some legal advice so you can be prepared if you do decide to go through with the DNA test. I'm sure 15 is a "fun" age already without this to complicate things. But its good to see that you've had some recent better days, hopefully they continue. And maybe you'll find some decent people to make a connection with, and get out of the house some more. Fingers crossed that she decides that a divorce is a good option, so that you can both move on with your lives. And of course, that it works out as best as possible for you.
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jackmorte
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, Neverwinter Nights
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Post by Sonya on Oct 26, 2021 10:50:49 GMT
nanotm , Describing such situations as yours in a written form is difficult as in this case many things are not told in a proper way, can't be explained, forgotten or misunderstood. If I understood something in a wrong way, I apologize in advance. What might interfere giving any advice: - You live in another country with different laws I do not know about - You know details and things you might not mentioned as well - not on purpose, but because you have too much to say and can't explain everything just in several posts - You know your own ex and children better regardless 1) Agree 100 % with seven : one of the first things you should do is to get legal advice to be prepared for different outcomes. It is important since your situation is very complicated. You should be ready for different outcomes from legal perspective if you still want to live. Thinking in advance about all possible options, worst and best, would not hurt. 2) As understood the mother of your children has mental problems. And as understand she did many things and got away with that. She is from the category of people who has mental problems, but knows how to survive and what to do to make it happen including lying, poison, money. Such kind of people might be dangerous and it is another reason to get legal advice. She is a danger to you, your children and other people as well (again, according to what I have read and if understood it correctly). 3) Your teenage 15yo child is now with you, correct? Assume you act like a parent, a friend to him. That he is a teenager and has, as you have written, "emo outbursts", can't be change. It is normal as you know. So acting as a parent to him is the only way out. The thing is that teenagers are already close to grown-ups in a sense. They understand what is going on around them. Your 15yo child already knows about his own mother and what she is, he already sees that family is not a family. He sees that you act as a parent to him. Tell him the whole truth about DNA test: why you need it for (laws, divorce). Do not lie about it. He already knows something is going on, no point in hinding it all. -- These are most important things would like to say based on the given information. Would it work out well for your situation? No idea. Though that is what I would have done in your case. Just not wait and do something. Tell 15yo teenager the truth about the DNA test - can't predict the response but would have talked with my child as with a grown-up. Complicated situation indeed. Though without acting ilttle if nothing will change. Better act, try and see what would come out of it.
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nanotm
a tidy workspace is the sign of a deranged mind
3,879
Aug 20, 2016 19:53:16 GMT
August 2016
nanotm
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, Mass Effect Andromeda
nanotm
nanotm
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Post by nanotm on Oct 26, 2021 10:51:18 GMT
1) 15 2) um it doesnt I am currently getting nothing for him living with me other than his emo outbursts... 3) I dont think its possible to make him feel more negative about the situation, he knows his mother lied to me for 2 years whilst having an affair (mostly due to things that were said around him whilst he lived with her and her fella) he knows she has lied to him a lot during that same time period, she effectively cut off contact with our daughter and doesnt want to see her, so as far as he's concerned she's a lying C*** and he wants nothing to do with her, making it worse she didnt tell him about a health problem for 3 months and let him learn about it from overhearing his siblings talking about it... yeah well theres a reason why I called her a psycho, theres a lot of other stuff but it all goes back a lot of years and me basically not caring about my life, I did leave her at one point a long time ago, ended up in a coma at some point woke up not knowing who I was and she was next to the bed had no idea who she was thought I was 12 (at the time I was 21) she signed me out of the hospital and took me home by lying to me, some things happened I went into a psych ward, went into protective custody, went to a funeral then jumped on transport off to a combat zone (was in the military) when I was supposed to have gone back to custody... shit happened, ended up in hospital again, went from there to camp and then off on a course to "get me out of the way" for a couple of months whilst they worked out what was going to happen, a few months later our first child was born... its hard for me because theres a lot of stuff I dont remember, often it feels like theres a lot that went on but I can only remember a handful of incidents and most of them are fuzzy at best... she spent 20 years adding things to my food to keep my brain foggy, something she claims she was doing for my own good... I only found out about it after she left since she told someone else about it and they were worried... now dont get the impression I was perfect, I sure as hell wasn't, she cheated a couple of days after we got married my response was to get her bff up the duff (childish I know) she continued to sleep around and I slept in the spare room, moved another girl in to live with us fell in love got her pregnant she had to go visit her parents and didnt come back becasue the situation was weird... a few months went by we sort of patched things up and then i got posted to a new unit, my ex gf came to stay for a few weeks during that time someone tried to murder me (nobody new why but the police knew a contract had been taken out, hence the protective custody thing) I was under investigation for 2 dead bodies and my wife decided that now was the best time to hand me a pile of paperwork and explain how she was going to seek custody of my child and then run away and do things to it (I came close that day) so I got my ex gf to leave, she died in a car wreck a week later at the time I was in hospital in a coma after someone cracked my skull.... yeah shits complicated, I have no idea what happened to the baby, not sure if her family even knew it was mine... so when they offered witness protection I laughed at them becasue I didnt care, I've questioned why I'm still alive a lot over the years, have a lot of injuries related to my job and some strange scars I dont remember getting, last time I went for an operation to fix my shoulder they found out I had been poisoned due to the reaction I had during the operation (daft buggers resuscitated me and treated the poison) what should have been a 24 hour stop in hospital turned into a 2 week stay, some times my wife admits it was her sometimes not (depends on how she is feeling) again I didnt really care, ive spent most of the last 20 years slurping down pain meds that civi dr's wouldn't prescribe outside of a hospital (the military doesnt have the same restrictions) and yeah I realise theres a lot that hasn't been said, like the fact one of our kids died at 6mths old almost 18 years ago, that I spent an average of 16 hours a day at work when I wasn't away for months at a time... but honestly for all that happened I dont really care, she left me when she realised I just didnt give a shit and it became boring to abuse me... well that and I cancelled the life insurance so after attempting to push me into traffic on a steep downhill by pretending to stumble and shove my wheelchair (brakes worked when I applied them) she spent 2 years spending all my credit before doing one... about the only positive to come out of all that is that a year down the road I actually want to leave the house for the first time in a decade, now I just need somewhere to go and some people to go with (I've lived in the same place for 11 years and literally know 1 person, used to be 5 but the other 4 moved a couple of years ago, then again I wasn't allowed out except for during remembrance since I was too embarrassing) funny thing though, since the day she left I havent needed pain meds more than 5 times, barely needed any medication at all, used to be I couldn't get out of bed without a dose of oramorph due to pain... I guess that whatever she was putting in my food did more than just mess with my head.... as too what the DNA test would do, it would depend on if she ever files for divorce and what a judge decided... on the positive it would stop her getting anything from me that she hasn't already had, might entitle me to child support, might fuck over the kid... the last is the one thing I dont want Daaaamn how many mirrors did you actually break to get that much bad luck? All things considered, there's probably not a perfect answer to your situation. Probably just one that works out for you more than the others. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to seek out some legal advice so you can be prepared if you do decide to go through with the DNA test. I'm sure 15 is a "fun" age already without this to complicate things. But its good to see that you've had some recent better days, hopefully they continue. And maybe you'll find some decent people to make a connection with, and get out of the house some more. Fingers crossed that she decides that a divorce is a good option, so that you can both move on with your lives. And of course, that it works out as best as possible for you. thanks, yeah not sure I think its down to being bad in a past life tbh, I asked my sister (who is a qualified lawyer) she told me I should go to the police, but I dont see the point in that theres no evidence of who poisoned me and I wouldn't put it past the wife to offloading the blame to the kids (I also dont want the extreme pressure it would bring to them) one of my kids is trying to get into the police and it might mess things up for him, so thats another reason not to bother with it, Besides I wasn't the easiest person to live with, I'm sure the last time she tried to do me in co-incided with her finding out that my saying "good night baby girl I love you, stay safe" was me talking to the girl that died and the baby I've not seen in more than 20 years, not me talking to her psycho ass... one of her favourite tricks was to buy things that said something about being a good dad knowing full well I cant even remember that child's name and have always felt guilty because I have no idea how to go about trying to get in touch (thats down to having memory problems caused by the skull fracture, and made worse by being in several other "accidents" at work two of which resulted in a coma due to blows too the head) just another way of telling me I was nothing... ahh funny thing is I dont hate her for being who she is, I dislike what she did and I dont want to ever see her again if I can help it... and when she lies on the divorce application unless she tries to get around the separation agreement we have in place I probably wont contest anything either just to get it over with (well I might write a letter to the judge outlining that she's not being truthful just in case she magically decides to tell the truth and undo it at a later date... there are horror stories about such things happening in the past) oh well live and let live... if I had known all those years ago what I found out too late too be useful I probably would have listened to the right person and been rid of her before kids were ever and issue... being contacted by someone and informed she was messing with my food almost from day one of living together makes me question a lot of what I thought I knew... also thats 3rd hand knowledge so its not admissible in a court unless its an actual murder case... strange I know but I never slept with anyone else after the one I wanted to be with died, had lots of offers just wasn't interested if I couldn't have the person I wanted so I followed advice and slept in the bed I made and put up with everything since I deserved it or because I just didnt care and hoped on some level she would actually go too far one of the many times she attacked me... if she had ever done anything to the kids I would have snapped her neck like a twig... yeah I'm an idiot she messed their heads up and had them lie about her affairs, at least she never did anything else to them so long as they did what she wanted which is another reason why they dont like her that much one of them is hoping she dies in some nasty way, one of them just wants nothing to do with her at all and the other two find excuses not to visit her (blame work most of the time) me I tell them its fine to see her if they want and fine not to if they dont want too, hell they dont even need to see me if they dont want too (they come round most weekends) the eldest moved back in when her mother left.. she'd been couch surfing after her relationship fell apart rather than live under the same roof with her mother/
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Post by nanotm on Oct 26, 2021 11:38:34 GMT
nanotm , Describing such situations as yours in a written form is difficult as in this case many things are not told in a proper way, can't be explained, forgotten or misunderstood. If I understood something in a wrong way, I apologize in advance. What might interfere giving any advice: - You live in another country with different laws I do not know about - You know details and things you might not mentioned as well - not on purpose, but because you have too much to say and can't explain everything just in several posts - You know your own ex and children better regardless 1) Agree 100 % with seven : one of the first things you should do is to get legal advice to be prepared for different outcomes. It is important since your situation is very complicated. You should be ready for different outcomes from legal perspective if you still want to live. Thinking in advance about all possible options, worst and best, would not hurt. 2) As understood the mother of your children has mental problems. And as understand she did many things and got away with that. She is from the category of people who has mental problems, but knows how to survive and what to do to make it happen including lying, poison, money. Such kind of people might be dangerous and it is another reason to get legal advice. She is a danger to you, your children and other people as well (again, according to what I have read and if understood it correctly). 3) Your teenage 15yo child is now with you, correct? Assume you act like a parent, a friend to him. That he is a teenager and has, as you have written, "emo outbursts", can't be change. It is normal as you know. So acting as a parent to him is the only way out. The thing is that teenagers are already close to grown-ups in a sense. They understand what is going on around them. Your 15yo child already knows about his own mother and what she is, he already sees that family is not a family. He sees that you act as a parent to him. Tell him the whole truth about DNA test: why you need it for (laws, divorce). Do not lie about it. He already knows something is going on, no point in hinding it all. -- These are most important things would like to say based on the given information. Would it work out well for your situation? No idea. Though that is what I would have done in your case. Just not wait and do something. Tell 15yo teenager the truth about the DNA test - can't predict the response but would have talked with my child as with a grown-up. Complicated situation indeed. Though without acting ilttle if nothing will change. Better act, try and see what would come out of it. thanks its sort of what I was thinking myself yes of course nobody is going to tell everything to others, we got married in June 1996 (she was pregnant although she lost that one as I later found out due to medical complications caused by her being a cheat) theres a lot of stuff that is skipped over because its not relevant or would cause legal problems, everything mentioned is like the cliff notes version since its kind of a moral dilemma more than a legal one (at this point) I appreciate that legal advice cant be accurate at distance and that proper professional advice would be best I have 3 problems with taking it; 1) cost, my wife left me so far in debt that it will take 4 years to clear it off and only if my kids keep chucking me some rent money (they do this because they dont want me to loose the house and have a dedicated room here) otherwise it will take closer to a decade.... 2) time frame, for a no blame divorce (what my wife wants to apply for) you must live separately for 24 months before you can apply for it (she wants to claim we were doing so from before she left, which we were not in order to get it sorted out sooner) and then in a no contest case they give an initial ruling immediately a secondary ruling 6 weeks later and a final ruling can be applied for after a further 6 weeks (there is leeway to get things changed to only one 6 week time slot but that costs more money) 3) legal complications, legally I cannot apply for a divorce despite everything owing to the fact she was diagnosed as mentally unstable, I'm certain the only reason she signed the legal separation agreement was that she is either hoping to get it declared invalid (I've had it checked she cant) I could have it declared invalid since it was totally unfavourable to me, she has a job and I cant get one (trust me I tried, nobody wants to hire a dyslexic in a wheelchair with only one arm thats fully working) I retained all the debts and credit accounts keep the kid and she has to pay me £1 per year month in child support, in return she foregoes any claim against my pensions or any assets property remaining in the house.... now as to why I would want the DNA test given that I am happy for him to keep living with me (I also think it would be better for him long term), in the advent that she gets a judge to go after my pension, I can use the result against her under the grounds that she effectively lived with me through deception, all I need is the result to prove she is a liar since she put my name on the birth certificate (dont know what its like over there, but only a mother can legally enter a fathers name onto a birth certificate and doing so when there is any doubt or possibility that its someone else's is a criminal offence and has been since before we had our first child) if I dont do this then regardless I will end up homeless if she goes after my pension... I also feel that despite everything the child deserves to know the truth, he is flaky about that, on one hand he wants to know on the other he's scared she would use it to prevent him living with me... and then kick him out for not being straight (me I dont care who he lusts after, so long as its not me) which is part of the reason why her and our daughter are so distant (she's been openly lesbian for several years) their mother is an oddball who tells them its fine to be who they want to be and then is an utter twunt to them for it (limits what programs they can watch, what they can talk about and other such stupidity, me I let them paint me in rainbows for pride week and went around town with them like that) I genuinely believe you should do what makes you happy so long as its not causing harm to others... yeah I'm not the smartest nor the best parent, she might even be right that I wasn't a good partner, about the only thing I can say is I care about their wellbeing and I'm around to chat if they want too, give them advice even if they dont ask for it and of course being a typical brash ex military type I have pretty much no filter...so if they dont want to hear they best not ask about the only thing that makes me happy is here support is normally only paid for any child until they turn 18 (21 if they go to uni under scholarship)
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Post by Sonya on Oct 26, 2021 12:55:13 GMT
thanks its sort of what I was thinking myself yes of course nobody is going to tell everything to others, we got married in June 1996 (she was pregnant although she lost that one as I later found out due to medical complications caused by her being a cheat) theres a lot of stuff that is skipped over because its not relevant or would cause legal problems, everything mentioned is like the cliff notes version since its kind of a moral dilemma more than a legal one (at this point) I appreciate that legal advice cant be accurate at distance and that proper professional advice would be best I have 3 problems with taking it; 1) cost, my wife left me so far in debt that it will take 4 years to clear it off and only if my kids keep chucking me some rent money (they do this because they dont want me to loose the house and have a dedicated room here) otherwise it will take closer to a decade.... 2) time frame, for a no blame divorce (what my wife wants to apply for) you must live separately for 24 months before you can apply for it (she wants to claim we were doing so from before she left, which we were not in order to get it sorted out sooner) and then in a no contest case they give an initial ruling immediately a secondary ruling 6 weeks later and a final ruling can be applied for after a further 6 weeks (there is leeway to get things changed to only one 6 week time slot but that costs more money) 3) legal complications, legally I cannot apply for a divorce despite everything owing to the fact she was diagnosed as mentally unstable, I'm certain the only reason she signed the legal separation agreement was that she is either hoping to get it declared invalid (I've had it checked she cant) I could have it declared invalid since it was totally unfavourable to me, she has a job and I cant get one (trust me I tried, nobody wants to hire a dyslexic in a wheelchair with only one arm thats fully working) I retained all the debts and credit accounts keep the kid and she has to pay me £1 per year month in child support, in return she foregoes any claim against my pensions or any assets property remaining in the house.... now as to why I would want the DNA test given that I am happy for him to keep living with me (I also think it would be better for him long term), in the advent that she gets a judge to go after my pension, I can use the result against her under the grounds that she effectively lived with me through deception, all I need is the result to prove she is a liar since she put my name on the birth certificate (dont know what its like over there, but only a mother can legally enter a fathers name onto a birth certificate and doing so when there is any doubt or possibility that its someone else's is a criminal offence and has been since before we had our first child) if I dont do this then regardless I will end up homeless if she goes after my pension... I also feel that despite everything the child deserves to know the truth, he is flaky about that, on one hand he wants to know on the other he's scared she would use it to prevent him living with me... and then kick him out for not being straight (me I dont care who he lusts after, so long as its not me) which is part of the reason why her and our daughter are so distant (she's been openly lesbian for several years) their mother is an oddball who tells them its fine to be who they want to be and then is an utter twunt to them for it (limits what programs they can watch, what they can talk about and other such stupidity, me I let them paint me in rainbows for pride week and went around town with them like that) I genuinely believe you should do what makes you happy so long as its not causing harm to others... yeah I'm not the smartest nor the best parent, she might even be right that I wasn't a good partner, about the only thing I can say is I care about their wellbeing and I'm around to chat if they want too, give them advice even if they dont ask for it and of course being a typical brash ex military type I have pretty much no filter...so if they dont want to hear they best not ask about the only thing that makes me happy is here support is normally only paid for any child until they turn 18 (21 if they go to uni under scholarship) 1) From the description it seems the UK government is not that interested in taking care of people who served their own country (not different from some other countries). For now there are financial issues. It is not much, but enough to act further. 2) That your own 15yo child wants to know that DNA test and understands why you need it from legal perspective as well is already a huge step - one less problem to worry about. 3) You mentioned how you can use that DNA test among other things to get rid of that woman, from your life and lives of your children. Have to wait for some period to get further with divorce according to the laws of your country, need patience, time. But it is a plan to act and you know what to do. The main thing here - do not stop. Decided to do that - use all those metods you can. With such woman as she is it is even more important not to hold back. 4) Your children help you, care about you. It is my own opinion based on experience and other things: combination of "care- attitude" (at least you have described those parts) and military - type straight person is one of the best combinations for a parent if that parent can find a middle ground. 5) Facts are: you have a plan to act, know what to do, get along with your children (more or less). Do everything for your children's welfare but do not forget about your own welfare or you won't do any good for them.
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Post by Atemporal Vanguardian-Debugger on Oct 26, 2021 17:34:07 GMT
Post a question you have that you are indecisive about.
Can be about anything; helps if you make it simple, concise, and try to give clear options... unless you're indecisive about that. All levels of indecision are accepted here. Well congratulations you finally managed to find my pet-peeve that I didn't realize I had till today. It is apparently the one thing that makes me fall into my INTJ roots... Most of which I have overcome. Personally I have never known how to be Indecisive. Nor experienced it. I make a decision and go with it.
Anyone in the way of said decision is collateral damage and I don't care. Not to mention coming from your username on this site you would think you aren't indecisive either. But if your truly having these issue or ANYONE is -just use this: www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2020/09/25/3-potent-questions-that-will-stop-your-swirl-of-indecision/?sh=1a55ca7446bbOr plan.io/blog/stop-being-indecisive/If that doesn't help then ponder it for an eternity I really don't see why I should care.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2021 8:28:53 GMT
fall into my INTJ roots... Coincidentally how I test too. Myers-Briggs wasn't terribly accurate for me, it just seemed like it in my 20's. But I'm mercurial like that. Personally I have never known how to be Indecisive. But have you tried being indecisive? Are you sure?
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Atemporal Vanguardian-Debugger
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Post by Atemporal Vanguardian-Debugger on Oct 28, 2021 3:25:30 GMT
fall into my INTJ roots... Coincidentally how I test too. Myers-Briggs wasn't terribly accurate for me, it just seemed like it in my 20's. But I'm mercurial like that.Personally I have never known how to be Indecisive. But have you tried being indecisive? Are you sure? I have took the test multiple times and I am always am 90+% of each of the four.
Once.
It only lasted about a max of five seconds. That was just to go to sleep or not and by the time I decided I was already......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
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