Bacus
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Post by Bacus on Apr 18, 2017 14:48:56 GMT
Greetings all! I wanted to ask the community to read and review a work of fiction i'm working on. The (WIP) "book" is set in a fantasy realm based on old Byzantium. It has a lot of real byzantine tech/weapons/food/etc. If you'd like to read here it is: clicky clicky
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Post by mybudgee on Apr 19, 2017 4:26:01 GMT
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Heimdall
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Post by Heimdall on Apr 19, 2017 12:53:03 GMT
Interesting, I don't have time now but I'll read it later.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2017 14:00:03 GMT
Bacus, you may want to review some creative writing sites for some support. www.dailywritingtips.com/creative-writing-101/You can pick up some simple examples that could help. A couple of observations I have made if you like, or discard. I am not a skilled writer by any means. Avoid duplicate words. In your first sentence: setting / setting, to / to . Avoid extraordinary length in a sentence. If you were speaking how would you say it. Is it a small village, villages are small, or is it a hamlet, hamlets are smaller. Winter sets in, Spring expands. example: The longer days were here. The lights of the setting spring sun danced off the walls of the cottages casting glare and shadows as the armed entourage made it's way through... You can also expand or contract to the description as it fits your story line. example: the hooves pounding out a cadence matching the shadows of mounted men at arms along the walls of the scattered hovels they passed. You get the idea. Do you have an outline you can share with us?
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Bacus
N2
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, Neverwinter Nights, Mass Effect Andromeda
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Post by Bacus on Apr 19, 2017 15:34:24 GMT
Bacus, you may want to review some creative writing sites for some support. www.dailywritingtips.com/creative-writing-101/You can pick up some simple examples that could help. A couple of observations I have made if you like, or discard. I am not a skilled writer by any means. Avoid duplicate words. In your first sentence: setting / setting, to / to . Avoid extraordinary length in a sentence. If you were speaking how would you say it. Is it a small village, villages are small, or is it a hamlet, hamlets are smaller. Winter sets in, Spring expands. example: The longer days were here. The lights of the setting spring sun danced off the walls of the cottages casting glare and shadows as the armed entourage made it's way through... You can also expand or contract to the description as it fits your story line. example: the hooves pounding out a cadence matching the shadows of mounted men at arms along the walls of the scattered hovels they passed. You get the idea. Do you have an outline you can share with us? Thanks a bunch! Question though, what do you mean with outline? (i'm not a native English speaker) I know the meaning of the word, but not the specific as of what you mean with it now.
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Heimdall
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Post by Heimdall on Apr 19, 2017 15:43:44 GMT
Bacus, you may want to review some creative writing sites for some support. www.dailywritingtips.com/creative-writing-101/You can pick up some simple examples that could help. A couple of observations I have made if you like, or discard. I am not a skilled writer by any means. Avoid duplicate words. In your first sentence: setting / setting, to / to . Avoid extraordinary length in a sentence. If you were speaking how would you say it. Is it a small village, villages are small, or is it a hamlet, hamlets are smaller. Winter sets in, Spring expands. example: The longer days were here. The lights of the setting spring sun danced off the walls of the cottages casting glare and shadows as the armed entourage made it's way through... You can also expand or contract to the description as it fits your story line. example: the hooves pounding out a cadence matching the shadows of mounted men at arms along the walls of the scattered hovels they passed. You get the idea. Do you have an outline you can share with us? Thanks a bunch! Question though, what do you mean with outline? (i'm not a native English speaker) I know the meaning of the word, but not the specific as of what you mean with it now. I believe Corvus means an outline of the overall story, a blueprint if you will of what you're doing.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2017 15:47:50 GMT
Bacus, you may want to review some creative writing sites for some support. www.dailywritingtips.com/creative-writing-101/You can pick up some simple examples that could help. A couple of observations I have made if you like, or discard. I am not a skilled writer by any means. Avoid duplicate words. In your first sentence: setting / setting, to / to . Avoid extraordinary length in a sentence. If you were speaking how would you say it. Is it a small village, villages are small, or is it a hamlet, hamlets are smaller. Winter sets in, Spring expands. example: The longer days were here. The lights of the setting spring sun danced off the walls of the cottages casting glare and shadows as the armed entourage made it's way through... You can also expand or contract to the description as it fits your story line. example: the hooves pounding out a cadence matching the shadows of mounted men at arms along the walls of the scattered hovels they passed. You get the idea. Do you have an outline you can share with us? Thanks a bunch! Question though, what do you mean with outline? (i'm not a native English speaker) I know the meaning of the word, but not the specific as of what you mean with it now. When you start a story you have some kind of an idea of what you want to accomplish. An outline will let you put into words what that is. What is your story about? Where does it start? Where does it go? How does it end? Who is involved? If you have a good outline it will help you stay on the path you have decided you want to write about. You can expand and or shrink your outline as you like while you are writing, but it is also a tool that allows you to stay on topic.
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Heimdall
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Post by Heimdall on Apr 19, 2017 16:04:38 GMT
An outline doesn't have to be very detailed, different writers have different methods, but it's to help you structure what you're doing and to plan ahead on how to reach your ultimate destination.
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Post by Arijon van Goyen on Apr 19, 2017 16:05:41 GMT
Make sure to make peace with Persia in your novel.
The Barbarians (Arabs and Turks) are coming! Also the west Europeans are gonna backstab you!
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Bacus
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Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, Neverwinter Nights, Mass Effect Andromeda
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Post by Bacus on Apr 20, 2017 13:20:09 GMT
Thanks Heimdall and @corvus I indeed have an outline. The idea is to basically start talking about training and the bond it generates between those who undergo with it. Afterwards a small campaign to one of the mentioned fronts (chapter 3 is up). Some deaths may occur along the way. This campaign will also signal Ionna's entry into the scutatii. Following this campaign i had another one in mind which includes the appearance of an otherworldly menace. In which the different peoples have to join up to defeat. (I'm not sure i would like this menace to come so quickly, I will maybe have this happen at a latter date once Ionna has managed to visit other places and experience other campaigns/cultures.)
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Post by B. Hieronymus Da on May 20, 2017 7:51:01 GMT
I'll definitely try reading this when I have time.
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Post by LightningPoodle on May 20, 2017 8:43:46 GMT
If you were speaking how would you say it. Writing and speaking look different. When we speak, our sentences include a lot more pauses than what it would look like when written. If you write as you would speak the sentence, you will find you include more commas than is acceptable in a written sentence.
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