Well, I don't have big stories of break up. I just have one memorable. She wasn't yet my girlfriend, but after the first date, it was a big well.. bye.
The context first : I was in the bus and I sat next to a dark haired girl with my friend. We were talking about serie TVs. I think she found us sympathetic and cool. And she suddenly participated to our conversation, confident, very funny and smart, and also, of course, I noticed, pretty, pretty smile, pretty brown eyes.
According to her, she had a free mean to be able to watch serie TVs wihout being limited, offering me her account. That rejoiced me. That was adorable. So she gave me her phone number, So I could call her in the night.
Which was also fucking surprising to be honest for me at that time. I mean on the streets or in the transports women are pretty much reticent to give their phone number to someone they don't know. And she gave it to me just like that.
For me she was just being very nice, for the others I was naive, they claimed a girl that freely gives her phone number is necessarily interested, whatever the reason. Well, I was sceptic that she was attracted to me but she was pretty, so I could still try. Nothing to loose. So we talked a long time in the night, her account was just an excuse we have forgotten, I asked her for a date at the end of the conversation, she said yes, and we organized a date in my appartment to watch these movies we talked about.
I felt very good, everything went well. But then, the date...That's where everything started to crumble. After all, it was my fault, I didn"t know her enough. She was just pretty. She seemed absolutely normal from all our interactions too.
Now whar happened : Well, to begin with she took drugs, ( did so in front of me ) and that was the first warning, as I don't actually like at all drugs and women taking some. After she learned me that she had been raped by her friend and that she didn't trust men anymore. And I was like WTF ? What am I supposed to do ? I was totally frozen as well, I was shocked. I didn't dare to touch her, to have anything with her. Why did she tell me that ? What does she expect from me ? A new friend ? These were the questions I had in mind. I initially planned to kiss her at one point if everything went very well while looking at the movie in front of our PC, that plan evaporated. I was totally frozen, even unable to even watch the film, I was watching without watching.
Who the fuck want to try with a girl that revealed you that she had been raped by her friend, and that she didn't trust men anymore and never will again. For the love of god, her violent boyfriend and the guy that raped her had both let scars on a her flesh in some places, she showed me these scars, that left without voice. Both crazy hard metal rockers apparently. ( which is funny, because I don't even fit that category AT ALL and I had no idea what she found attractive or interesting about me, our worlds totally far and different from each other )
Why the fuck she gave me her phone number while she doesn't even know me ? Weird for a girl that didn't trust men. And then when I admitted to her that I didn't like her taking drugs, she told me all the dark stories of her life, how everything sucked for her, very dark. She was the daughter of a rich family, and everything went wrong from her rebellious attitude at 18 years. She regretted everything. She went from dirty experiences to dirty experiences, things worsening for her. That was very sad. She was depressive, and addicted, she went to a specific place to be healed, and then recently she took drugs again under the bad influence of her friends. She also had an ex, overzealous and violent boyfriend that couldn't decide to let her go.
Oh god I remember how disappointed I was. Powerless, I wasn't a psychologist and didn't feel I could help her, just listening. I wanted a normal girlfriend, a normal experience of things in my beginnings, I fell on a girl with a lot of baggages, depressive, addicted to drugs, that didn't trust men and never will according to her. That was too much to handle for an inexperienced young guy that didn't know her. Why she couldn't wait before revealing everything ? That was just wrong. I didn't know her, she shouldn't have done that, she killed all the attraction. I was attracted to the sassy, confident, nice, funny, happy and pretty smiling girl.
I wanted a first normal date that could happen very well, everything went wrong. The only thing I wanted was to leave immediately, but out of respect for her, I decided to remain with her. But worse, she felt good with me, I tried several times to put an end to the date in a subtile way, but she insisted that we remained together. I wanted to leave at 10 PM while we started at 6 PM, I waited until 2: AM, and still she was very disappointed.
I then understood what she wanted, a nice guy. She only had badboy,boyfriends, violent and abusive, she wanted someone she could trust. The worst was all the compliments she gave to me... How I didn't try to take advantage of her. I remained silent. I did plan to kiss her, I did have a sexual attraction like any other normal guy would. She was blinded by some ideals and it made me uncomfortable, so I remained silent. She made a lot of mistakes. That wasn't the right time. I didn't know her and she scared me the first night at the first date, she didn't seem emotionally stable at all by the way.
She needed a guy that was older than her, much better than me, someone that could have patience with her, not a guy from the same age. But still, she was right about me. I was a nice guy. Despite being disappointed , I still wanted to try, and see where it would lead. I wasn't willing to give up yet on her just like that, I wasn't sure. I felt that would have been cowardice.
But then, late in the night she called me insistently at 3:AM and 4:AM, 5:AM, and I mean a lot of times, until I talk. And when I angrily asked why she called me that late, she just told me she wanted to see me. Why ? I asked her ( I though she might have some problems ) " Nothing, I just want to see you, to drink a beer together, to talk, can I go to your house ? " Then, that was over. I was convinced I had fallen on a freaking unstable girl and like in the horror movies, she would kill me in my sleep with a knife, if I ever tried any relationship with her. The least would have been an overdramatic emotional life I couldn't bear since I hate drama. I am not Jesus. I am not a psycholist. I just want to be a boyfriend with his qualities and his flaws both aknowledged. I then just avoided her and didn't answer anymore to her anymore, erased her phone number.
One week later, she saw in the bus, I saw in her gaze that she understood; She didn't talk and left. That was the last time I saw her. I might have overreacted though.
I know that years later one of my friends saw her, and she looked good. I hope that she succeeded to get out of her mess, and found someone that could fit what she was looking for. I wish her the best obviously.