What did you do today in ME?

Barbara "Barbie" Shepard...


Batarian: Welcome to Omega, Shepard.

Barbie: Thank you! I'll show you around.

Batarian: That would be splendid--- wait, no! I'm supposed to be the tour guide.

* * *

Jacob: How can people live like this in the streets?

Barbie: (squatting to take a dump) Have you seen their bathrooms? They're disgusting!

* * *

Batarian Bartender: Here have a drink!

Barbie: Thanks! (chugs whole glass) Whooo! That's got some kick to it!

Batarian: Uh... okay. How about another?

Barbie: Hit me! (Batarian Bartender serves another drink, she downs it as well) Wow! What did you put in that? That tastes awesome!

Batarian: How are you still alive?

Barbie: I'll have another!

Batarian: (pours another glass) Please die...

Barbie: (chugs another glass) Seriously, this is good stuff!

Batarian: You've drank enough poison to kill a Krogan horde! You should be dead!

Turian patron: You've been poisoning customers?

Barbie: Shut up and keep the drinks coming!

Turian: (shoots bartender) I'm not taking any chances.

Barbie: Noooo!

* * *

Aria: That's close enough. Scan them.

Barbie: Good call. I'm due for a mammogram.

Batarian: (scanning) What the hell is that in your ass?

Barbie: Oh my god I forgot about the gerbil!

* * *

Turian: This district is under lockdown until the plague is gone.

Barbie: Don't worry. I'll go in there and shoot it until it's gone.

Turian: That's... not how you stop a plague.

Barbie: Why not? It's always worked for me.

* * *

Jacob: This feels like looting.

Barbie: No it's not! Looting means stealing. We're breaking into apartments to rescue survivors, and we just happen to find cash while we're there.

Jacob: I think that's still looting.

Barbie: I don't think you know what looting means.

Miranda: I don't think YOU know what looting means.

* * *

Barbie: You talk fast!

Mordin: Sorry. I-- will-- try-- to-- slow-- down. Nope, can't do it!

Barbie: Oh don't worry, I'll speed up. I can talk fast too! I-like-tacos-and-jam-with-guacamole-and-grapes-and-Salarian-polka-music-is-so-last-year-and-I-like-old-Spiderman-cartoons-andIthinkyou'rereallycoolandfunnyandawesomeandIwantyouonmyteamwhenthisisover.

Everyone: (stunned silence)

Barbie: Too fast?

Mordin: Here's a gun. Go stop the Vorcha and get the fans working again.

Barbie: No problem Dr. Salarian Man! (runs off)

Mordin: Is she always like this?

Miranda: If this past day is any indication? Yes.

Mordin: May I suggest medication to curb her over-enthusiasm?

Miranda: She is already on medication to curb her over-enthusiasm.

Mordin: Hmmm. Fascinating.

* * *

Barbie: Why are you doing this?

Vorcha: Rrrrawr! Collectors want plague, break fans, then Collectors make us strong. You work for Doctor, put cure in air. We kill you first! Rrrrawr!

Barbie: Rrrrawr! I fix fans, put cure in air, smash ugly Vorcha faces into dirt! Rrrrawr!

Vorcha: Rrrrawr!

Barbie: Rrrrrawr!

Vorcha: Rrrrrrrrrrawr!

Barbie: RRRRRRRRRRRRAWR!

Miranda: Can we get on with this?

Barbie: (turning to Miranda) RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAWR!

* * *

Mordin: Well done Shepard. I will join you now. Looking forward to working with Cerberus. Very exciting!

Barbie: Goody! But not nearly as exciting as orgy night!

Mordin: Ah! A sense of humor!

Jacob: She's not joking.

Mordin: Oh. Then I look forward to studying her strange behavior.

I accidentally drove Kelly Chambers to suicide. Whoops

Alex has begun the post-coup squad meetups. He let Javik leech all the hope out of a bunch of extras rather than take the paragon interrupt, so I wonder whether that will have repercussions later. I mean, probably not, but maybe I'll be surprised.

Seeing Garrus's non-romance meet on the presidium was interesting. While I like the romance version, I really like the banter in this one and wish it had been in both. I'd imagine they still recorded both sets of lines with Jennifer Hale, so why not include them?

Who else here plays with Expanded Galaxy Mod? I think it fits into the game so naturally (for the most part) that I can't always remember which bits are from the mod and which are from the game.

Owen Shepard:

Had a chat with Pitne For who "knew nothing". Funny how a gun to his head jogged his memory. Turns out he smuggled a drug into Illium that he sold to Eclipse. It boosts biotic power but has the side effect of being toxic - something he didn't disclose. So the Eclipse killed his partner but did so because of For's dishonest practices. On the plus side, he made a copy of a pass key into their base which he gave to me with minor threats of violence against him. I may not have my sister's reputation of being ruthless but damn if the tough guy act doesn't open doors for me - literally, in this case. [Wow, imgur is over capacity. Never saw that before. Good thing I have a backup.]

I do love me some biotic charge against the Eclipse sisters.


Encountered "Elnora the mercenary". She claimed she didn't realize what the Eclipse was really like and only pretended to fire her weapon. However, Pitne For had mentioned that they had to kill to earn their uniform. Though he was a low life, lying swindler, I believed him. Jack said she was going to kill her and we followed through on that promise. [What is it about Illium that makes me choose so many Renegade options?] Later found a log where Elnora admitted to killing the volus merchant. Guess she won't be doing that again.


Soon, found myself in the presence of a Biotic God! Poor guy had been used by the Eclipse mercs as a test subject and was really high. After convincing him to take a nap, it was time to face the head Eclipse merc.


Captain Wasea was another arrogant, overconfident mercenary leader. Not sure how she missed that I took out Captain Enyala on Illium not so long ago but okay. I'd kill her just like the rest. After she was dead I checked out one of her data pads. It had name of the ship Samara was tracking. We went back to the local precinct and handed Samara the information. Samara agreed to work with me and made a vow to follow; however, she said if I made her do anything truly terrible that she would kill me. I guess we'd deal with that when the time came. I do have to admit that I actually liked Detective Anaya. She's one of the rare few asari that doesn't have an inflated ego.


Ran into some guy named Conrad Verner. He had a huge crush on Faith. After she died, he bought a replica N7 armor and decided to start "righting wrongs" in the galaxy. Now he was harassing an asari in the Eternity Lounge claiming she was selling red sand. One, that was false. Two, red sand isn't illegal on Illium. I had to get to the bottom of this before the bartender got violent with her. He had been told by some shop owner that she was an undercover cop and needed Conrad to get the deed to Eternity because they were engaged in illegal activity. Talked to the asari merchant, threatened her with extreme violence, told her to tell Conrad he'd done a great job and then to disappear. Got a discount at her kiosk out of it. Poor schmuck. Conrad was trying to do good but he's clueless. Convinced him that he didn't need to do this anymore since I was around.


The bartender, Matriarch Aethyta (yeah, weird job for someone of that stature) was glad she didn't have to kill Conrad. She was a krogan/asari mix, with her father fighting in the Rachni Wars and her mother fighting in the Krogan Rebellions. They ended up killing each other once the truth came out. She did confirm that no genetic material comes from the father, though she had his mouth - probably just from being raised by a krogan (though I'd seen two krogan on Illium that were polite). She was working in a bar because she didn't like what matriarchs were doing, citing Benezia with Saren, that wars broke out in every asari lifetime, that maidens needed serious involvement when still young (like Liara, I suppose) and that they should start building their own relays. After they laughed at her ideas, she gave up. Have to admit, if the Protheans are anything to go by, having our own relays might come in handy when the Reapers arrive - something they might not be able to manipulate and which would keep them off balance. A little gruff, but she was unlike other asari. Kind of liked her. She actually had ideas that might have been useful.


The kiosk at Eternity had some interesting drinks. A shot of something, a glass of wine and a "mystery drink". That last one caught my interest. I survived the krogan drink that supposedly would make me set of radiation detectors. I'm sure this would be fine. Things did get a little unsteady but I didn't pass out like I had with the krogan drink.


Now it was time to get my assassin, the drell named Thane Krios. Talked to an asari named Seryna. Seryna used to work for Nassana Dantius, who had wanted her sister killed - not for being a slave trader but for potentially losing her job as an ambassador. Now she was killing people who worked for her. Krios intended to take her out and could be found at Dantius Towers. Seryna agreed to drive me there. She told me there were some mechs and Eclipse mercs guarding the towers. Good. I could wipe out the last of Eclipse on Illium. Also, Krios wasn't hired to kill Nassana, just doing a public service. That made me less suspicious of taking on an assassin.

As soon as I arrived, I watched LOKI mechs gun down salarian workers - who were actually working at the time. Then FENRIS mechs showed up and came straight for me, even though I wasn't in the building. Nassana was going to die for this. It was only a matter of who would pull the trigger: me or Krios, though, tbh, Jack was just as likely to do it.


I found a badly injured worker. He said they had been ordered to leave but didn't hear the message. The mechs were sent to round them up. When they didn't move fast enough the turned on them. I was able to apply some medi-gel to keep him stable until help arrived but this whole situation was making me angry the more I learned. Faith got softer toward the end of her life. I feel like I'm getting the anger she had.

Tried questioning an Eclipse merc. He was...unhelpful. Let's just say the encounter didn't go well for him. Jack was impressed.


Best thing is taking out a platoon of mercs with Jack and Zaeed and hearing one of them say "We're outgunned!" Losers. I may have...accidentally punched a salarian in the face. In fairness he did pull a gun on me but it was obvious he was scared and didn't know how to use it. It was a gut reaction. Might have to tone down my behavior a bit if I'm hurting innocent people.

Nassana was convinced that someone had hired me to kill her. I didn't exactly suggest otherwise, though why anyone would think I'm a gun for hire is beyond me. I watched as Krios dropped from the ceiling, took out her guards and then shot her in the gut. Then he proceeded to pray, though not for her so much as for himself for killing. Interesting. I told him why I wanted him on my team. He said Nassana was to be his last mission because he was dying. However, he found my cause to be worthwhile and had no worries about not surviving.


Jacob didn't trust Thane, considering him little more than a gun for hire. I had a gut feeling about him, though. I think he chose his targets carefully, not accepting any jobs that would lead him to harm innocent people. He was also on a quest to help make the universe a little brighter before he tied. Hell, he'd locked salarian workers in closets to keep them safe. That said a lot about his character. Jacob was usually pretty good about the character of others but he was off-base here. Besides, Krios was doing this for free, asking nothing in return. EDI also liked him. Hard to believe that a guy who chose to work for a terrorist organization had concerns about an assassin.

Samara wanted to talk to me. Though she had initially wanted to put off her quarry, she now knew where to find her. She asked if we could go after her. Samara had been hunter her for 400 years, said she was something called an Ardat-Yakshi. Unlike other asari, when she mates with others it burns out the nervous system of the victim and turns them into dead husks (uh, not the kind that come from dragon's teeth). She said that some of their kind run, in order to continue killing, while others agree to remain in seclusion and comfort under the watchful eye of other asari. Then the truth came out. This killer, Morinth, was Samara's own daughter, as were two other Ardat-Yakshi. It only comes out in pure blood asari, which is the real reason why so many asari are mating with non-asari. I actually considered this a high priority mission. I had no interest in returning to Omega but getting rid of this creature who had, and I quote, an "astronomical body count", was important.

Aria gave me a lead on Morinth. She wasn't exactly surprised an Ardat-Yakshi was on Omega but left it alone so long as she didn't bother her. Now it was time to hunt the huntress.

Owen Shepard:

Aria's suggestion was to meet with the mother of one of Morinth's victims. Using information we found, tracked Morinth to a club and basically seduced her by saying my interests were exactly the same as her own. I was so on point I'm surprised she didn't pick up on it. We went back to her apartment. After some small talk I made it clear we were not alike, that I knew she was a killer. She tried to seduce me with her power but I wasn't having it. That's when Samara walked in. Morinth still tried to get me to side with her but I had Samara and wasn't interested in someone who might just try to kill me when I least expected it.

Spoke with Samara. She was regretful that she had to kill Morinth but also at peace with it. There was no saving Morinth and no cure. There was only death, either hers or those of her many, many victims.

Thane also wanted to speak to me. I learned he had something called Kepral's Syndrome and also that he had eidetic memory, but more so than anything seen in humans. He literally relived situations from his past. After his wife's death he abandoned his son so he wouldn't end up an assassin himself. Thane was one because the hanar had trained him to be one from childhood, a result of a compact between their two races. The drell homeworld have become unlivable and the hanar saved them by taking them in. In the end, his son - Kolyat - found out the truth about Thane and decided to follow in his footsteps. He took a job as a hitman on the Citadel and Thane wanted me to help stop him so he could take a different path.

Zada Ban was the location of a Blood Pack base. I wanted it gone. Went it, killed a bunch of vorcha and a krogan, then blew that place to hell.

On the planet Joab, EDI detected Blue Suns activity. Since I'm on a side quest to eliminate mercs from the galaxy (watch out, Zaeed), I'm going after these guys. Turned out this was the site of a Prothean archaeological excavation. There was also a beacon present. I decided to touch it. It gave me images, just like those Faith had said she'd received. It made little sense but I knew what I had to do. Liara had helped Faith understand it all through melding minds with her. As soon as I sorted out Jacob's problem I was heading back to Illium. Liara was going to give me the cipher that would tell me about the Protheans. Oh, and I wiped out the Blue Suns presence here.


The signal from the ship Jacob's father came from 2175 Aeia, an uncharted world. It was a paradise, except for the giant, broken ship on the edge of the ocean.

Listening to logs it sounds like people were having their memories stripped away, even becoming innocent. Some remained normal and they took extreme advantage. It sounded like abuse, sexual and otherwise. The beacon itself was a VI and spoke of neural decay as a result of eating toxic plants on this planet. It also mentioned that the beacon had been turned off almost nine years ago by Acting Captain Ronald Taylor. This wasn't looking good. We encountered a survivor. She was hard to understand because language was difficult for her. Then we were attacked by others calling us "agents of the liar". I almost felt bad killing them because it was clear they weren't in their right minds and that it wasn't their fault.

In a settlement - all women - we heard one of them say that they were "forced to decay", which had to mean that they were made to eat the local food. Considering we saw food stores from the ship that had gone rotten, this was looking worse and worse. There was also a large idol that looked like an object of worship. No way these women would have done this on their own.

After taking out some mechs, one woman presented Jacob with a data pad. She could no longer read but remembered it was how it all started. According to the logs, some thought fixing the beacon was taking too long. Taylor restricted food reserves to himself and his officers, forcing the rest of the crew to eat the toxic food. Then his officers mutinied and he took them out with mechs. Within a year, all the male crew were exiled or dead, while the women were "assigned" to the officers. It was only after the beacon was fixed that the officers died, which means Taylor had no intention of giving up his power. It was...disheartening to hear brainwashed guards saying "kill so we can go home". Clearly they were told if they did that then they'd be rescued and they were incapable of understanding what they were doing.

Finally reached Ronald Taylor himself. He played dumb, like he had nothing to do with the behavior of the others and that he was an innocent victim. When he found out that his own son was standing there, making accusations at him, he knew the jig was up. We the Alliance to rescue the crew and secured Taylor for an Alliance court. He was going to have a long time to think about his actions.


Not it was time to head to Illium and unlock the Prothean cipher.

Well at least you got to import, my save just refused to import!!!!! 

I also had Paragon/Renegade point issues in ME2 in that they just weren't accruing until after I adjusted them with Gibbed Editor and now they are accruing!!!!!!

I decided to do a couple of the Firewalker missions today and encountered severe weirdness, every time I hit "E" in the Hammerhead to go up, the actual view would be replaced by a full screen of the lava!!!!!! Made it very hard to shoot the Geth from cover.

I have everybody recruited during my current run of ME2....i'm in the middle of the project Overlord missions and hopefully i've spoken with both Jack and Miranda enough that i can keep them both when the time comes...*fingers crossed*... :ulikeit: .......right now everybody is pretty much just saying to me they are waiting to do their loyal missions as when every time i try to strike up a convo with them, that is the only response i get.


I did get to chat with Jack quite a bit....up to the point where she told Shep, that nobody ever listened to her in the way he/she did..."so thanks and f**k you"...lol...i luv jack..... .....we'll see how it goes....i also got the Revenant AR....I luv the gun in this game, but eh...something happened to this gun bigtime in ME3....

You know that imports don't go smoothly between ME1 and ME2, right? Are you playing on PC or console. With PC, there's a special program in one of the folders that you have to use to magically transform ME1 saves into ME2 saves. Then, when you boot up ME2, you can import your save files. It's really stupid.

I love the Revenant in MEA but in ME2 its just all over the place!!!!!!! Does heaps of damage but with few hits or maybe its just my shit shooting 

Changed back to the Collector AR, it fires nice and tight so lots of hits.