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Post by ariatloak on May 11, 2017 1:55:40 GMT
There's no not homophobic reason to say making a character bi would ruin them. It carries exclusively negative connotations, and is equivalent to saying bisexual = bad, plain and simple. That doesn't mean not wanting bi jaal in and of itself is homophobic - I openly stated I wasn't comfortable with the idea of a bi jaal patch because I really do think that will inevitably lead to bi suvi, but at no point did I say anything like it would ruin him, because I'm gay and not a homophobe.
Even seeing anyone complain about "heterophobia" proves the chips are stacked against us. There's no such societal force equivalent to homophobia, and when people pretend there is and give it equal weight, they are opening the floodgates to let straight people continue to say subtlety homophobic things but get away with it. Even seeing the ridiculous statement over and over that bioware neglects straight women as much as gay/bi men is a form of homophobia in that it's objectively false....Homophobia isn't always saying "gay people suck," it's a wealth of statements and beliefs designed to downplay and erase us and the specific ill-treatment we've faced at bioware.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2017 1:55:44 GMT
No I think people that a jerks should get nothing. That's straight people too. If I find someone being a jerk and undeserving, I don't care what they prefer romance-wise, I think as a person they are being rude and should not be rewarded for attacking someone. Then, unfortunately, that would include you, by your own logic. Your behavior hasn't exactly been a shining example. No kidding. You think I think I am innocent? I have apologized before and admitted I said the wrong things before. In the end I don't care who likes who. I only don't like rude people that take things too far. I am not an enemy of this community and never will be. You guys that don't attack people still have my support no matter how much more crap we go through. That's never changed.
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Post by CrutchCricket on May 11, 2017 1:56:07 GMT
I think people are taking a wrong turn over one specifc misunderstanding and it's having further implications than I realized. So in the interests of peace, let's clear things up: the post I removed earlier which prompted the in-thread warning was not over calling a poster homophobic. I'm pretty sure other people called homophobia and I didn't even bat an eye because the post in question was in rather bad taste, even if not specifically against the rules. Furthermore I don't personally believe calling someone homophobic is an instant ban-worthy attack. Different contexts may yield different results of course, but in a vacuum, it's not automatically bad (the calling homophobia, not actually being homophobic)
I removed the post I did because the owner of said post told the other user to fuck off. That is a personal attack any way you slice it and against the rules, no matter how righteous one may feel at the time. We've intervened in cases like that everywhere from General to MP to Off-Topic- even in the Politics thread. Again, context rules all- buddies bantering between themselves is one thing, this was something else.
And while I'm on the subject, I can personally say I approve of how everyone handled the inciting post, save the case above. Some of you called it out as trolling/bait, some of you tore the flimsy argument apart, some of you just ignored it. I don't think I could've added anything of significance there, as a mod or as a user.
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Post by Aurora on May 11, 2017 1:56:09 GMT
I think people labeling themself is stupid, even if i am unfornately in a group that has that label. People who experience homophobia are gonna know more about homophobia than people who aren't the targets of it. also, there are times when people say homophobic things without the intention of being homophobic. Those statements are still homophobic, even without the intent. It should be pointed out so these people can learn how to word their opinions as to not offend others.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2017 1:57:04 GMT
Yep! To us, being called something we aren't is as bad as you guys being called homos in a bigotry way. TELL US WHAT WE SAID SO WE KNOW NOT TO SAY IT THAT WAY AGAIN I'll be honest here. I do not deal well with conflict. More than once in my life I've been called a doormat because I will let people walk over me without complaint. If I was able to summon the guts to call someone out for saying something homophobic, and they reacted poorly and got defensive and decided I was personally attacking them? I'd probably back down and log off. I just don't have the stamina to argue or educate. So unless other people pick up the debate for me, I'm going to have to hope that some people (especially those who want to be allies) will learn from experience, example, or their own research to figure out what things are generally considered homophobic by the lgbt community. It's really easy to make mistakes, but it's also easy to say "Oh shit, my bad, I didn't realize that was a homophobic thing to say because I don't have the same perspective as you do. I'll try not to do that again." (Even posting this is making me anxious, tbh ahahahahahahaa....) Haha I was the same way all my life! I feel ya! Even now irl I am only starting to put my foot down when someone shoves me to the ground. I went through a lot of abuse as a young girl for being different and odd.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2017 1:58:10 GMT
People who experience homophobia are gonna know more about homophobia than people who aren't the targets of it. also, there are times when people say homophobic things without the intention of being homophobic. Those statements are still homophobic, even without the intent. It should be pointed out so these people can learn how to word their opinions as to not offend others. Maybe, but people tell jokes that are racist, but they don't think of them like that because they are jokes. Should that joke then be censored because someone somewhere might be offended? If that is the case where do you draw the line on what people can say and not say? Aslong as they never meant something hurtful by it, why should it then be an issue? It seems more like payback on someone because they spoke out of turn than anything else.
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Post by Crim on May 11, 2017 1:59:35 GMT
So basically, what you're saying is: LGBT people don't deserve equal treatment unless they're one of that special group that you think deserves it. Equal treatment isn't about whether you like them, ladyconsular. It's about giving groups equal treatment and aren't about individual grudges against people in that group. If some personal grudge makes you think we don't deserve equal treatment, then that's nonsense. Gay people don't "deserve" equal treatment out of being kind and gracious and always kissing your ass but out of being a person just like you. No I think people that a jerks should get nothing. That's straight people too. If I find someone being a jerk and undeserving, I don't care what they prefer romance-wise, I think as a person they are being rude and should not be rewarded for attacking someone. An apology to the m/m friends you hurt might go a long way, but that's just me.
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Post by Kimberly on May 11, 2017 2:01:01 GMT
I know if I'm saying anything insensitive/racist/homophobic etc. and didn't realize it, I'd want it pointed out to me. I grew up in a house with a racist father towards certain people. Me and my brothers, as we got older, refused to go out in public gathering as long as he was spewing racists comments. He pretty much keeps his mouth shut now.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2017 2:01:31 GMT
No I think people that a jerks should get nothing. That's straight people too. If I find someone being a jerk and undeserving, I don't care what they prefer romance-wise, I think as a person they are being rude and should not be rewarded for attacking someone. An apology to the m/m friends you hurt might go a long way, but that's just me. Done that, still got unwelcome treatment here. That's fine though. It's their call. I think both sides should apologize and start over. No one is right in this.
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Post by gaycaravaggio on May 11, 2017 2:02:12 GMT
also, there are times when people say homophobic things without the intention of being homophobic. Those statements are still homophobic, even without the intent. It should be pointed out so these people can learn how to word their opinions as to not offend others. Maybe, but people tell jokes that are racist, but they don't think of them like that because they are jokes. Should that joke then be censored because someone somewhere might be offended? If that is the case where do you draw the line on what people can say and not say? Aslong as they never meant something hurtful by it, why should it then be an issue? It seems more like payback on someone because they spoke out of turn than anything else. Racist jokes are still racist. Homophobic jokes are still homophobic. Them being jokes doesn't make them less bigoted. And I'm not saying these things should necessarily be censored, but getting offended when people point out they're bigoted is stupid. Call these things what they are instead of getting wrapped up in semantics. Defensively going "Oh, they're just jokes!" doesn't help anyone, tbh.
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Post by Cyonan on May 11, 2017 2:02:41 GMT
Heterophobic is a lol phrase, there is no such thing and to compare it to actual homophobia which is a real fuckin' thing, many that I'm sure alot of the LGBT community here has endured/experienced in their daily lives is goddamn infuriating to see it so casually being spun here. A few salty gays on a gaming message board, can't handle what a few salty gays post here. Lol, and people call us over sensitive snowflakes. Anybody who has paid attention to my posts should know that I do not abide by replacing one system of inequality with another system of inequality. I'm not here to get into a epeen waving content over who has it worse because I full well know who has had it worse but the fact still stands: If anti-LGBT comments are to be unacceptable then so are anti-straight comments. My response to arguments of "but LGBT people have it so much worse in life" is the first sentence of this post. Letting anti-straight comments go is another system of inequality. Comments like the people who went "ew, straight guy fantasy". Which yes, people did make those comments when I pointed out if romances are about fantasy than Cora should cater to straight guy fantasy. One poster even tried to suggest that they add rape because "Many guys fantasize about it". I'm not personally offended by it, but my morals are what they are. I'll make no apology for them.
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Post by zaefkol on May 11, 2017 2:03:02 GMT
Except multiple people have talked about how reporting inflammatory content doesn't always get caught by mods. I've reported posts in the past that might not have even been glanced at by a mod because of just how many posts get reported due to the size of this forum. And, considering some of the things said in this thread today, I don't even know if I feel comfortable sending a PM to a mod about someone spouting bigoted rhetoric or making personal attacks on LGBT users. There's no trust there anymore, I guess. I'm not saying this to be mean but to be honest, even if it comes off blunt. It's worth keeping in mind that sometimes what you consider an inflammatory post just isn't seen as being against the site rules by the moderator staff, or that banning the person and removing the post isn't always the solution that's decided on. Also an actual report of the post by clicking on the gear on the top right and selecting "report post" is the proper way to report a post. When you a PM a moderator then it only goes to that moderator, but the actual report function sends it to a list that all moderators have access to and can comment on before action is taken. Sometimes it takes a little bit for us to reach a decision, but we'll always discuss it at that point. I noticed that earlier Gil's Salty Gloves said he reported an inflammatory post and yet, I can't find any record of it. I looked as far back in the archives as 2 months and I don't see any posts reported by him. I'm not intending on calling him out here but if there was such a post that he wanted somebody to look at, I'd love to see it so it can be handled. and it's impossible for a mod to actually delete something out of the record. If it gets reported, it's in that list. I'm also going to play a bit of devil's advocate here and say that it's entirely possible to take up some of the points of view frequently called homophobic in this thread from a stance that isn't homophobic. Just because somebody disagrees that Jaal being made bi would ruin his character doesn't mean that there is no other reason for having that opinion.The politics thread has made me be more aware of things like that. A lot of stuff got reported in that thread whenever two opposing opinions clashed. but it's only by having opposing points of view and having our ideas actually be challenged that things grow stronger. An echo chamber doesn't serve anybody, and admittedly this thread has a bit of a habit of being one. I'm here to try to remove homophobic and heterophobic(which are just as unacceptable) comments, not to try to remove opposing points of view. The trick is being able to tell the difference between the two, which can become a very blurred line. I like to think that I personally have always tried to be fair to everybody, but if there's no trust I don't imagine as there is much as I can actually say to bring it back. I'm definitely going to have to disagree with you here.
It's certainly possible that someone may believe that their stance is not homophobic, but, using the Jaal example, every single argument that I've seen on the topic of how him being made bi would ruin his character is rooted in homophobia in some way.
Some people take the outright homophobic stance of lgbt+ people are icky so Jaal being bi would be icky, ruining his character. Others take more nuanced arguments on the subject, but every single time that I have looked at a post about how turning Jaal bi would ruin his character--every single time--I have noticed that at the core of the argument is some degree of homophobia. Whether the poster themselves realizes it or not.
And this is not always an easy thing to recognize because homophobia is not some black and white thing with clear distinctions saying "this thing is homophobic" or "this thing is not." There are gradations and subtleties. There are seemingly benign viewpoints that culture ingrains in people who honestly and in good faith see themselves as lgbt+ allies, viewpoints that are in fact colored by an underlying homophobia that our society as a whole still struggles against.
So, to reiterate, just because someone believes that they are arguing from a stance that is not homophobic, that does not mean that their argument is free of homophobia.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2017 2:03:14 GMT
I know if I'm saying anything insensitive/racist/homophobic etc. and didn't realize it, I'd want it pointed out to me. I grew up in a house with a racist father towards certain people. Me and my brothers, as we got older, refused to go out in public gathering as long as he was spewing racists comments. He pretty much keeps his mouth shut now. Yeah and online sometimes things can be taken how you see them, but not how they are meant to be seen.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2017 2:04:15 GMT
An apology to the m/m friends you hurt might go a long way, but that's just me. Done that, still got unwelcome treatment here. That's fine though. It's their call. I think both sides should apologize and start over. No one is right in this. When people apologise for something that apology loses merit when they do comparable actions again. An apology is more than just words, it's a promise not to repeat the action that you apologise for. The axiom is that actions speak louder than words. If you want to be a friend to the LGBT userbase then actively be a friend.
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Post by gaycaravaggio on May 11, 2017 2:04:34 GMT
An apology to the m/m friends you hurt might go a long way, but that's just me. Done that, still got unwelcome treatment here. That's fine though. It's their call. I think both sides should apologize and start over. No one is right in this. LGBT people are just as bad for... what? Having a hard time trusting you after your behavior? It's not even just a one time thing; you had multiple times where you acted out and took out your frustrations on the LGBT men of this forum. And apologizing doesn't really help when you keep defending what you said and excusing it with "oh, but I was hurt." I'm not saying you should constantly self-flagellate. Just show a little self-awareness and don't get petty that people are still mad. Forgiveness is a process, not a performance piece.
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Post by caladrius on May 11, 2017 2:05:05 GMT
Would you like those screenshots again? See? Harping on my moments of anger and not the posts where I am supportive and talk and see things that supports bi Jaal in future installments is a good example. This type of one-sided viewing is why I lose my control and say things I don't mean. It's wrong, but I do. If you spout anti-gay shit when you are angry, yes, we're still going to be pissed. We're not responsible for your emotional stability or hysterically induced bigotry. Your argument here is absurd. "It's not my fault for saying bad things about the gays, it's their fault for complaining about the bad shit I said about gays!" If you abandon your support the second things get slightly uncomfortable, you clearly weren't that invested in it. Just like you're the first one to jump to the defense of people like the girl on Twitter harassing #MakeJaalBi posters, but I've never once seen you get half as riled up about anyone saying anything negative about people that were supposedly your gay friends. When you're this quick to throw LGBT people under the bus when you're mad, what do you really expect the reaction to be? It's obvious where your loyalties are and it's not with us. For the record:
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Post by Steelcan on May 11, 2017 2:05:16 GMT
It's worth keeping in mind that sometimes what you consider an inflammatory post just isn't seen as being against the site rules by the moderator staff, or that banning the person and removing the post isn't always the solution that's decided on. Also an actual report of the post by clicking on the gear on the top right and selecting "report post" is the proper way to report a post. When you a PM a moderator then it only goes to that moderator, but the actual report function sends it to a list that all moderators have access to and can comment on before action is taken. Sometimes it takes a little bit for us to reach a decision, but we'll always discuss it at that point. I noticed that earlier Gil's Salty Gloves said he reported an inflammatory post and yet, I can't find any record of it. I looked as far back in the archives as 2 months and I don't see any posts reported by him. I'm not intending on calling him out here but if there was such a post that he wanted somebody to look at, I'd love to see it so it can be handled. and it's impossible for a mod to actually delete something out of the record. If it gets reported, it's in that list. I'm also going to play a bit of devil's advocate here and say that it's entirely possible to take up some of the points of view frequently called homophobic in this thread from a stance that isn't homophobic. Just because somebody disagrees that Jaal being made bi would ruin his character doesn't mean that there is no other reason for having that opinion. The politics thread has made me be more aware of things like that. A lot of stuff got reported in that thread whenever two opposing opinions clashed. but it's only by having opposing points of view and having our ideas actually be challenged that things grow stronger. An echo chamber doesn't serve anybody, and admittedly this thread has a bit of a habit of being one. I'm here to try to remove homophobic and heterophobic(which are just as unacceptable) comments, not to try to remove opposing points of view. The trick is being able to tell the difference between the two, which can become a very blurred line.I like to think that I personally have always tried to be fair to everybody, but if there's no trust I don't imagine as there is much as I can actually say to bring it back. Heterophobic is a lol phrase, there is no such thing and to compare it to actual homophobia which is a real fuckin' thing, many that I'm sure alot of the LGBT community here has endured/experienced in their daily lives is goddamn infuriating to see it so casually being spun here. A few salty gays on a gaming message board, can't handle what a few salty gays post here. Lol, and people call us over sensitive snowflakes. ok well then I have a question for you Back on BSN Prime, I was told my opinion on romances was invalid because I am straight, is that a legitimate viewpoint? Should the person who said that have been reprimanded?
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2017 2:06:01 GMT
Done that, still got unwelcome treatment here. That's fine though. It's their call. I think both sides should apologize and start over. No one is right in this. When people apologise for something that apology loses merit when they do comparable actions again. An apology is more than just words, it's a promise not to repeat the action that you apologise for. The axiom is that actions speak louder than words. If you want to be a friend to the LGBT userbase then actively be a friend. Pretty hard when I tried and you were nasty with me. It didn't help but I was trying, and each time I felt less welcome and then I gave up.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2017 2:07:29 GMT
See? Harping on my moments of anger and not the posts where I am supportive and talk and see things that supports bi Jaal in future installments is a good example. This type of one-sided viewing is why I lose my control and say things I don't mean. It's wrong, but I do. If you spout anti-gay shit when you are angry, yes, we're still going to be pissed. We're not responsible for your emotional stability or hysterically induced bigotry. Your argument here is absurd. "It's not my fault for saying bad things about the gays, it's their fault for complaining about the bad shit I said about gays!" If you abandon your support the second things get slightly uncomfortable, you clearly weren't that invested in it. Just like you're the first one to jump to the defense of people like the girl on Twitter harassing #MakeJaalBi posters, but I've never once seen you get half as riled up about anyone saying anything negative about people that were supposedly your gay friends. When you're this quick to throw LGBT people under the bus when you're mad, what do you really expect the reaction to be? It's obvious where your loyalties are and it's not with us. For the record: That was after massbass told me he was being harassed by you guys. Again anger because of cruelty, not who you are. My post itself says it.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2017 2:08:40 GMT
I think people are taking a wrong turn over one specifc misunderstanding and it's having further implications than I realized. So in the interests of peace, let's clear things up: the post I removed earlier which prompted the in-thread warning was not over calling a poster homophobic. I'm pretty sure other people called homophobia and I didn't even bat an eye because the post in question was in rather bad taste, even if not specifically against the rules. Furthermore I don't personally believe calling someone homophobic is an instant ban-worthy attack. Different contexts may yield different results of course, but in a vacuum, it's not automatically bad (the calling homophobia, not actually being homophobic) I removed the post I did because the owner of said post told the other user to fuck off. That is a personal attack any way you slice it and against the rules, no matter how righteous one may feel at the time. We've intervened in cases like that everywhere from General to MP to Off-Topic- even in the Politics thread. Again, context rules all- buddies bantering between themselves is one thing, this was something else. And while I'm on the subject, I can personally say I approve of how everyone handled the inciting post, save the case above. Some of you called it out as trolling/bait, some of you tore the flimsy argument apart, some of you just ignored it. I don't think I could've added anything of significance there, as a mod or as a user. I'm glad that you are clarifying yourself here. But I need to point out that this is very very far from "one specific misunderstanding". There is a pattern here from numerous posters and several of the mods that have created a very uncomfortable situation for LGBT posters. If you (the mods) are genuinely interested in addressing this and learning from it, I'm happy to talk via PM about it. But it's definitely more than a single misunderstanding or issues with one poster.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2017 2:09:13 GMT
Done that, still got unwelcome treatment here. That's fine though. It's their call. I think both sides should apologize and start over. No one is right in this. LGBT people are just as bad for... what? Having a hard time trusting you after your behavior? It's not even just a one time thing; you had multiple times where you acted out and took out your frustrations on the LGBT men of this forum. And apologizing doesn't really help when you keep defending what you said and excusing it with "oh, but I was hurt." I'm not saying you should constantly self-flagellate. Just show a little self-awareness and don't get petty that people are still mad. Forgiveness is a process, not a performance piece. I'm not the only one who has had these issues in this thread. A mod even told me. No one here is perfect or right. No one. We all misunderstood, made mistakes and were too quick to judge each other.
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Post by gaycaravaggio on May 11, 2017 2:09:15 GMT
If you spout anti-gay shit when you are angry, yes, we're still going to be pissed. We're not responsible for your emotional stability or hysterically induced bigotry. Your argument here is absurd. "It's not my fault for saying bad things about the gays, it's their fault for complaining about the bad shit I said about gays!" If you abandon your support the second things get slightly uncomfortable, you clearly weren't that invested in it. Just like you're the first one to jump to the defense of people like the girl on Twitter harassing #MakeJaalBi posters, but I've never once seen you get half as riled up about anyone saying anything negative about people that were supposedly your gay friends. When you're this quick to throw LGBT people under the bus when you're mad, what do you really expect the reaction to be? It's obvious where your loyalties are and it's not with us. For the record: That was after massbass told me he was being harassed by you guys. Again anger because of cruelty, not who you are. My post itself says it. You realize he took arguments out of context to make himself look like a victim being bullied by the gays?
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2017 2:09:31 GMT
When people apologise for something that apology loses merit when they do comparable actions again. An apology is more than just words, it's a promise not to repeat the action that you apologise for. The axiom is that actions speak louder than words. If you want to be a friend to the LGBT userbase then actively be a friend. Pretty hard when I tired and you were nasty with me. It didn't help but I was trying, and each time I felt less welcome and then I gave up. Then all I can say is try harder, keep trying. Don't give me or anyone a reason to confront you. Otherwise it'll remain very difficult to view you as an ally and we love our straight allies.
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byne
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Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Neverwinter Nights, Jade Empire, Mass Effect Andromeda
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Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Neverwinter Nights, Jade Empire, Mass Effect Andromeda
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Post by byne on May 11, 2017 2:09:46 GMT
ok well then I have a question for you Back on BSN Prime, I was told my opinion on romances was invalid because I am straight, is that a legitimate viewpoint? Should the person who said that have been reprimanded? Your opinions are invalid for a whole host of other reasons tbh
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2017 2:10:19 GMT
That was after massbass told me he was being harassed by you guys. Again anger because of cruelty, not who you are. My post itself says it. You realize he took arguments out of context to make himself look like a victim being bullied by the gays? No I trusted him and believed him. That was my own fault.
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