Syv
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Post by Syv on Jul 19, 2017 13:50:57 GMT
Here's hoping your day will get better! mine's been...not great. I've been in a bad mood all day, and I'm not entirely sure why. I think it has to do with my desire to get better at starting conversations with people I don't know well, and my inability to find an outlet to do just that. I was trying to use dating sites for that. But the complete silence I'm getting is very frustrating. How can I know if I'm improving, if I don't get any feedback? If anyone knows a good service, to just find folks to talk to, let me know! Well, this is always awesome when people try to improve themself. Wish you good luck. Now my advice. Don't count on dating sites to improve your skills. People aren't there to talk, they are only interested to talk if you are aesthetically good to them, if they could imagine you as their potential partner, and if your personality profile fits what they are looking for. ( People on dating sites are weirdly more selective and more exigent than in real life, since anonymity make it harder for a lot of women to trust the guy who tries to talk to them. The slightest weird thing said, and they assume the worst about you and goodbye. ) And still, it is possible they have already other conversations with other guys and are not interested to add another one. Also you have this strange assumption that some have, that if they dare answering to you, simply having a conversation, you will think that it means more. So they prefer the ignore attitude when not interested, no time to waste and it's easier to behave that way to be honest. Some of them probably receive nice comments very often, or attempts from guys to talk to them, so it makes it harder for you to appear somewhat special or worth it no matter what you try. So, perish the thought of having a lot of conversations on these sites. Like I said, if you are handsome, then it will be much easier, if not, nope, not the best for hoping a lot of conversations. --- If you are looking for improving your skills at talking to people, there is nothing better than real life actually. You cannot count on internet, because it is not at all the same situation, the same environment. You have the anonymity and you are behind a PC. I was socially awkward years ago in real life, but on internet forums, I wasn't shy at all, behind my PC. It's like I was a different man. I was myself very shy years ago, and wanted to improve myself. So what I have done, it's talking to people outside everyday, a sort of challenge, like talking to three individuals I meet each day. Guys, old folks, people who seemed nice, whether with cashiers, in a bus, etc etc. Welp, that helped a lot, believe me. There is no secret, if people remain in their bubble, they will not improve their skills. The more you talk to people in a real situation, the more you become comfortable and confident. The time where I was socially awkward is behind me lol. A lot of folks were amazed by how they remembered me as adolescent, and how different I am now. --- Now if you really insist on a site on internet, well I'm not a specialist, sorry.
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Post by mattig89ch on Jul 19, 2017 20:06:06 GMT
Syv that's for the advice, I do appreciate it. My problem is, when I go to try and actually have a conversation irl, my mind tends to go blank when trying to think of a response. If you've ever been in a conversation, and literally couldn't think of a response, then you know how I am. The only difference is, this isn't rare for me. Its every time I try to talk to strangers. My mind goes completely blank, and while I'm being silent trying to think of something to say, they assume I don't want to talk and end the conversation either right then, or very shortly after. I do think of a response eventually, but it tends to be 30 min to 3 hours later.
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warrior
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I don't like MP!
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, Mass Effect Andromeda
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Post by warrior on Jul 19, 2017 21:38:10 GMT
Today I was officially offered an amazing and career-defining opportunity, but it means I have to move 3000 miles in 3 weeks (plus find a subletter or someone to take over my current lease). So a good day, but also I'm now very stressed and want to drink a lot.
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Post by Treacherous J Slither on Jul 19, 2017 21:57:39 GMT
Terrible.
I'm tired of being worked to death and my superiors still not being satisfied with my efforts. Nothing is ever good enough.
They fire half of us then bitch and moan that the ones of us left that have survived their culling are struggling under the workload.
I've got half a mind to just quit and go tramping across the country.
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Post by Giant Ambush Beetle on Jul 19, 2017 22:02:30 GMT
Terrible. I'm tired of being worked to death and my superiors still not being satisfied with my efforts. Nothing is ever good enough. Yeah, that's the cheapest and most destructive kind of ''motivation''. Time to go look for another job that is not that close to slavery?
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Post by Treacherous J Slither on Jul 19, 2017 22:02:36 GMT
Today I was officially offered an amazing and career-defining opportunity, but it means I have to move 3000 miles in 3 weeks (plus find a subletter or someone to take over my current lease). So a good day, but also I'm now very stressed and want to drink a lot. Do it. I would. You're unmarried and without children right? Then go for it!
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warrior
N3
I don't like MP!
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, Mass Effect Andromeda
Posts: 717 Likes: 1,021
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Post by warrior on Jul 19, 2017 22:12:47 GMT
Today I was officially offered an amazing and career-defining opportunity, but it means I have to move 3000 miles in 3 weeks (plus find a subletter or someone to take over my current lease). So a good day, but also I'm now very stressed and want to drink a lot. Do it. I would. You're unmarried and without children right? Then go for it! yes, I think I will, especially because they will pay for all (or most) of the physical moving costs. Not married, just a pet. I am sad to leave my friends behind, especially my best friend.... I've known for a week now that this was likely in the works and haven't told anyone yet because it means I'm really leaving and I'm not sure when we'll see each other again because I am moving so ridiculously far.
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Post by dominus on Jul 19, 2017 22:31:41 GMT
Preordained
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Post by Treacherous J Slither on Jul 19, 2017 22:34:23 GMT
Do it. I would. You're unmarried and without children right? Then go for it! yes, I think I will, especially because they will pay for all (or most) of the physical moving costs. Not married, just a pet. I am sad to leave my friends behind, especially my best friend.... I've known for a week now that this was likely in the works and haven't told anyone yet because it means I'm really leaving and I'm not sure when we'll see each other again because I am moving so ridiculously far. If you're coming to NYC I'll be your friend 😇
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Post by mattig89ch on Jul 20, 2017 7:26:52 GMT
Do it. I would. You're unmarried and without children right? Then go for it! yes, I think I will, especially because they will pay for all (or most) of the physical moving costs. Not married, just a pet. I am sad to leave my friends behind, especially my best friend.... I've known for a week now that this was likely in the works and haven't told anyone yet because it means I'm really leaving and I'm not sure when we'll see each other again because I am moving so ridiculously far. Can I ask where (roughly) your moving to?
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Syv
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Posts: 850 Likes: 2,671
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Post by Syv on Jul 20, 2017 15:08:44 GMT
Syv that's for the advice, I do appreciate it. My problem is, when I go to try and actually have a conversation irl, my mind tends to go blank when trying to think of a response. If you've ever been in a conversation, and literally couldn't think of a response, then you know how I am. The only difference is, this isn't rare for me. Its every time I try to talk to strangers. My mind goes completely blank, and while I'm being silent trying to think of something to say, they assume I don't want to talk and end the conversation either right then, or very shortly after. I do think of a response eventually, but it tends to be 30 min to 3 hours later. Oh I definitely experimenced the same as you and I know what it is. Believe me. I could tell you my experience a little to show you the similarities, and how I dealt with that alone, if that might help you. With strangers I was absolutely awkward and silent most of time. But most of all I was mostly fine when I was with guys I knew very well but once I remained alone with a pretty girl that interested me, suddenly I was awkward and it was blank and empty in my mind. Overthinking so much what I could say, that I am sure, there was some smoke around my head. It's like the person in front of me was an alien. That's how I lost several opportunities, adolescent. One girl was interested, so she remained alone with me, but she was as shy as me. One shy guy is already harsh, but two shy folks, omg, it's a disaster. One of the worst moments in my romantic experience. So embarassing. This is this event that gave me the determination to change once and for all to be honest. The gal was misled by my behavior, and my silence. She thought I was being cold with her, and interpreted my lack of conversation as indifference. That was the total opposite lol. Most girls didn't want to remain with me because I was nervous and silent when I was alone with them and that made them nervous too. I remember one day my brother leaving me with a gal for a few minutes, going to buy some drinks for all of us at the bar, and suddenly, there was a big silence while just a few minutes ago when he was with us, we were all laughing together. God, I felt powerless and so awkward. I was preying for my brother to come back quickly, to save me from embarassment, that's all what I did during all that time alone with her, my cheeks very hot, hardly talking. I am glad i was black, couldn't see how I blushed so much..... I also noticed for example that all the friends of my sister were laughing, comfortable, with my confident brother, always surrounding him and joking with him when they came into our house, but absolutely distant and polite with me. I assumed that's because my brother was interesting and they thoughts I was boring. I had a big shock when my sister said to me they prefered me physically to him and they thought I was nice. I asked her why then they didn't come to talk to me like they did with my brother. She answered that they felt nervous with me. I kinda intimidated them. Which was hillarious, because I was actually the one intimidated since I was socially awkward. But that opinion they had did open my eyes on how people perceived me, and how my bevahior could affect their own. The thing is, in my opinion and experience related to nervousness, lack of confidence, and a wrong belief that a conversation should be anything else than simple. To improve myself, as a socially awkward guy, not only I forced myself to gain some experience talking to people, but I also worked on my terrible mindset which didn't help at all. Always this useless habit of thinking that I was boring, not interesting, killing already from the beginning any audacity and spontaneity, thinking too hard and seeing a complicated matter where there was none,, and sometimes putting other people on a piedestal. It shouldn't happen as well. So instead of thinking you are boring, I thought, go ahead, you are worth it, you are not boring. Always killing negative emotions. It's hard at the beginning, but it is easily to reach that mindset with some determination. The second thing I worked out, is this other habit that I had, too worried about what could think people of me with an awkward sentence I would say, or reacting in an awkward way . No, you should only be concerned about what you think of yourself and should only consider what other says, not what they think. If the guy thinks I'm boring, then, I am boring. I can't control his thoughts no matter what I say, I have no power on my external environment, on other human minds, only on mine. Can only influence them, if it isn't positive, so be it. If it is, cool. Move on. And the last thing. Stopping to consider having a conversation with strangers as an embarassment, but on the opposite as why not a fun thing, an excellent new experience, and the person I was talking to or wanted to talk to as a fun prey I should explore. When you consider talking as a fun thing, you are way more relaxed and spontaneous. Believe me. , " << it is really hot today don't you think ? i feel like I have dried fish eyes >> absolutely simple and with just that a conversation could happen, if the other peron answerd, answer to him in the same way you throwed that topic, in a simple way. With an assertive and sympathetic tone and face. If you are really really socially awkward, yes at the beginning it will be difficult and sometimes a disaster but if you succeed to change your negative mindset into something positive, and you keep going with efforts to talk to other folks, gaining a small experience every new conversation, you'll inevitably become more skilled and comfortable. That's garanteed. If someone prefer remaining in his bubble, just hoping it will change just like that, I don't believe he will ever change infortunately, if that's what he wants as well. But most of all, it's seeing the positive results you get, that lead you to become more comfortable and more skilled than anythine else. When I discovered that I could hold a whole conversation without being awkward, i became way more talktative. When I discovered for example that I could be funny, once destroyed the negative thoughts, and could make laugh people with my jokes, I certainly was more comfortable throwing jokes, even to people that interested me. Very often, it's not necessarily needed that you could be actually very funny, but just the fact that you are relaxed, throwing positive emotions around is enough for the other folks to welcome your jokes. I wil lend this post by this certainty : if you keep talking to people, keep trying, gaining a small experience every new conversation, you will automatically at least become less socially awkward than you were before. That's all I could say, based on my own experience. Doesn't mean I am right or wrong, that was just my perspective. But given the incredible positive results for me , I don't hesitate to offer this advice to others who are maybe in this situation I was years ago. It's not for everyone, because it requires a strong will and determination, efforts too, but the results are there.
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warrior
N3
I don't like MP!
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, Mass Effect Andromeda
Posts: 717 Likes: 1,021
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I don't like MP!
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Post by warrior on Jul 20, 2017 23:26:51 GMT
yes, I think I will, especially because they will pay for all (or most) of the physical moving costs. Not married, just a pet. I am sad to leave my friends behind, especially my best friend.... I've known for a week now that this was likely in the works and haven't told anyone yet because it means I'm really leaving and I'm not sure when we'll see each other again because I am moving so ridiculously far. Can I ask where (roughly) your moving to? very very far north in North America
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Post by mattig89ch on Jul 21, 2017 2:28:34 GMT
Can I ask where (roughly) your moving to? very very far north in North America Any chance you could give us a better clue?
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Post by mattig89ch on Jul 21, 2017 21:40:54 GMT
And my day hasn't started out so great. I got my car inspected, and sadly it cost me a thousand bucks. Needed new windshield wipers, the rotors were heavily rusted, the breaks had 2 millimeters left, and I asked them to take a look at my ac (it wasn't producing cold air), turns out I need a new condenser. all in all, it added up to a thousand bucks. That's a nice kick to the wallet right there. And the worst part is, they didn't even have the condenser in stock. So I need to bring it back next week, and leave it overnight for them. Thankfully they said they'd give me a loaner car in the mean time, so I'm not completely immobile while they replace the condenser. *heavy sigh*
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Post by dominus on Jul 21, 2017 23:07:28 GMT
Despite being in a weird mood, I've been having a good walk down memory lane by meeting up with a couple old friends.
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Post by Giant Ambush Beetle on Jul 22, 2017 12:35:10 GMT
I did deficit calf raises with a 150 kg barbell (330lbs), combined with my weight of 110kg my calves moved 260kg / 575lbs for 4 sets of 8 repetitions. The last thing I want is weak small calves because thats sooo ugly, but now I can't walk lol.
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Post by Arijon van Goyen on Jul 22, 2017 18:13:41 GMT
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Post by dominus on Jul 23, 2017 0:36:38 GMT
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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Disillusionary
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Nimlowyn
N3
“Literature and art are never created for scholars but for a universal audience." - Camille Paglia
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, Neverwinter Nights, Mass Effect Andromeda
Origin: nimlowyn
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Prime Likes: 2820
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Post by Nimlowyn on Jul 29, 2017 2:02:15 GMT
It was pretty good, all things considered. Had my favorite student today, then wrote some end of the week reports. Took my elderly cat to the vet after some concerning test results two weeks ago, and he left with a clean bill of health, so that was pretty great. Got into a brief, petty social media tiff after a foolish person smeared someone I respect as a Nazi. After housework and making dinner, it's time to enjoy said dinner with a glass of wine and good company.
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Kevlareater
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Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, Mass Effect Andromeda
Origin: Kevlareater
PSN: KevlarEater
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Post by Kevlareater on Jul 29, 2017 6:45:42 GMT
Celebrating my belated birthday at a hotel, tipsy from two strong-ish drinks, a belly full of hot peppers and arcade games in my memory. Deffo gotta take some pictures of where I'm going and what I'm doing tomorrow.
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Post by mattig89ch on Jul 29, 2017 11:07:09 GMT
Celebrating my belated birthday at a hotel, tipsy from two strong-ish drinks, a belly full of hot peppers and arcade games in my memory. Deffo gotta take some pictures of where I'm going and what I'm doing tomorrow. Happy, belated, birthday! What games did you play?
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Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, Mass Effect Andromeda
Origin: Kevlareater
PSN: KevlarEater
Posts: 147 Likes: 241
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Post by Kevlareater on Jul 29, 2017 12:59:55 GMT
Celebrating my belated birthday at a hotel, tipsy from two strong-ish drinks, a belly full of hot peppers and arcade games in my memory. Deffo gotta take some pictures of where I'm going and what I'm doing tomorrow. Happy, belated, birthday! What games did you play? I was at this place called Dave and Busters. Arcade games I remember were Guitar Hero 3, Dance Dance Revolution, a flight simulator, some light gun games until my arms got tired, and a lot of Tekken 7 vs about 9 other challengers using my main girl Nina, until I got double perfected by a Lili main on match 9.
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Post by HYR on Jul 30, 2017 6:14:38 GMT
This week there was a major conference in my city that I was attending (company that I work for which is also headquartered in the area), and in addition to that I've been busy with stuff for my cousin(with whom I'm close)'s wedding. Yesterday we had a Mendhi for him/his bride at my family home -- I danced a bit ^-^ ! His wedding (well, Shaadi, more like) is tomorrow.
Today I slept in, went to a Brunch, then napped and did not much else. 'Just an exhausting week that threw me off my routine a bit and I needed some rest.
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Post by mattig89ch on Jul 30, 2017 6:40:41 GMT
I've been doing some Wii Fit exercises recently, for the last 3 days actually. So my legs are fairly sore today. I won't be able to do them again, until next wed. so I have some time to rest. But still, my feel and rear calfs are sore from running in place for 3 days.
I tried a treadmill for exercises, but I enjoy the Wii Fit runs more. I think its the gamer in me. Good thing about that program it has a scale in it. So I don't need to ask my sister to use hers! Hooray! Though I probably will till, because getting to the Wii Fit's scale takes like 20 minutes. And hers takes like 5.
Still, more data points to use in my weight tracker.
Edit: I just realized that a part of me wants to do more exercises on the Wii Fit. No joke, I want to fire up the game, and do another lap around the virtual track.
Its the strangest feeling I think I've ever experienced. I kinda want to...exercise, intentionally. Not sure if that'll fade by next week or not. Its an odd sensation to be sure.
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Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Jade Empire, Mass Effect Andromeda
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Post by HYR on Jul 31, 2017 5:59:58 GMT
'Wedding in the books. It was fun -- good food, fun times with the family, some dancing in the end. Getting up tomorrow morning for work will be like pulling teeth (as usual), but I am in good spirits.
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