Something Random About You Thread

Thank you. It means a lot to have someone's support. It started as one neighbour, a woman who raised her son by herself, being jealous of my parents when I was still a young child. I figure she's insecure, because she's always talking about her son to people, telling them how well he's doing in life, even though no one asked.

Then, after I gained a lot of weight and started exercising, I really grew and became tall for a girl of my age. I must've been 8 yrs old. That's when kids at school stopped talking to me and started ignoring me everyday.

This went on for many years and I didn't know what was the cause. I blamed myself and thought I had some inherent problem. Was I too ugly? Too quiet? I didn't know. I usually treated people well and was friendly. So I was really unhappy and feeling lost. And because I felt ashamed to talk about that problem to my parents, I was always second-guessing, right until I made it to college.

Before that, when I was 12, my mother started having severe disagreements with my father and finally asked for a divorce. She had already been a distant mother ever since the disagreements started. So when she was gone, this didn't change. I was feeling very lonely and my father was an agressive man.

I'm 30 yrs old now and, talking to a neighbour, I accidentally discovered it was this woman who was creating a negative image of me and my dad to other people ever since I was in school. Those people in turn spread this negative image to other people and thus was a negative reputation forged behind my back.

I can't blame this woman alone, because it was all those people that chose to believe in her, without getting to know who I was. And they did that because they didn't like my father. They wanted to get to him through me, you see? You attack that which the person loves the most.
And what hurts me the most is that my mother also turned against him and had become distant and abusive - always putting me down, making me feel psychologically ill - because she wanted to hurt my father as well. 

There were a lot more serious problems in my life than what I described here, but it would take a while to explain everything. I just wanted to write a bit about it and lighten the feeling of weight. I carried a lot of guilt not knowing all along that nothing was my fault. It was bad, irresponsible people wishing the worst to my family. I'm going to confront my mother about these things, about what she did, her rolein this pretty soon. It's something I have to do, because she's abusive to this day.

Thanks again for reading and I'm really glad that your mum could avoid the damaging effect of gossip before things grew out of hand.