A really real review thread with no reviews in it.

Ok, Pyjaks sit on your tails for a moment while the team over at ZipZap2000 explain a few things to you, because some of you are whining like Vorcha in the mud that the "animaashuns" aren't doing it for you. That it breaks your immersion. That you can't hold your own dick without SAM asking to touch it or what it feels like to pee, especially while Dracks is using the urinal next to yours.

First off it's a game, I couldn't give two fucks if under the right circumstances, if you delete all the patches and if you pick the right gender, you can make Sarah Ryder walk like she was ploughed by Clan Urdnot and is still having trouble walking it off after 600 years.

That right there humans is a good excuse to smoke Hashish and delete all the fucking patches. That right there humans is a good night in when you've gotten bored with the fucktastically unwell-thought-out pacing that you can't actually fix with patches and is a genuine problem with the game.

Crab walk like Sarah Ryder before the patch until it feels better, Pyjak; Because theres some seriously well animated shit in this game and all the Salarian shaped thought bubbles on youtube and reddit combined couldn't convince me otherwise.

Animations = Harden the fuck up/10

SAM, space yourself.

Bio you know what to do, turn its virtual ass into actual dust/10

"Whimimimimuujum, the voice acting is shit."

Voice acting.....are you the same little flesh ridden pre-corpse that sat through Mark Meers "You're just a machine and machines can be broken!" 15 times and over 10 years not?

Did we not have to wait three installments before everyone except Garrus Ashley and Wrex got their shit together or not?

Or did you turn into a prepubescent Hanar with the memory of a goldfish?

I actually liked some of it.

You want bad voice acting almost every single time without reprieve, try start up a conversation with the flight LT on the Normandy.

"Im sorry about legion..."

*Bang*

Got him Shepard.

Great work Garrus that character sucked.

Voice Acting: *Lifts Ryncol*/10

"SJW Gayboys are making me think about cocks again."

If you don't like to occasionally think about cocks and gays make you feel weird get another franchise. We live for cocks over at this one, its all about the breeding requests. Not that its a good thing, story is suffering and so is character development having more depth in the Nomad = Bad. Social nessaging on the other hand is gay and not the good kind that see's you empty your quad into a Quarians hair bun either.

Romance: Breeding request,...eh why not its there/10

Ah, the story....the one that doesnt pick up until the end of the game. Seriously though, lock the writers up on a prison ship in the Terminus systems and blow a couple cells out the air lock to let them know you're serious.

Story: Vorcha Flamer behind a corner in a corridor/10

Combat: I feel like this is how Jesus would fight with all his powers/10

Characters: You should have made them sexier because im bored/10

Nomad: Jazz from fall of cybertron/10

Poncey Krogan and magic barrier Asari commando's = Fuck is wrong with you/10 for cinematics.

Overall rating: I could really go for some Mass Effect 3 right about now/10.

*Sips Ryncol*