Okay, so I've finished watching this mess of a TV show yesterday. I said I wasn't going to do a wall text, but who am I kidding, I'll write my godamn essay. The longest piece I've ever wrote.
Men like to talk when they're happy, but apparently so do they when they're pissed.
I'll try to separate this in spoiler tags just for the sake of convenience. I understand that most people wont want to read all this for how long it's gonna be, but fuck it I gotta say it.
Also, I'm not taking it with the actors and actresses here, just with the characters. If anything I'd say I'm "attacking" the writers.
I believe up so S3 everything was fine, it was a great show. After that was downhill and S7 was absolute trash, a monumental low standard for the show. Until 8 which was the most rushed piece of hot garbage I've ever seen. It seems like they just wanted to get it over with, no care, lack of attention to detail and a storytelling wrote by a 8 year old. I think this started to go sour when they massively detracted from the books, to a point they couldn't catch up with the original story anymore and had to make shit up. I understand that "there were no books"
in many cases but they had the council of Martin himself, so there's no excuse. Ultimately is their fault for not delivering, being this somewhat true to the books or not.
First thing I want to mention is how by early mid show they already had created these 2 groups: Team "Lannister & Allies" aka the "bad guys" and Team "Others".
Everything in team "Lannister & Allies" gets its numbers magically inflated, being that man power in the form of soldiers, gold, or strength. Anything going to team "Others" gets their numbers diminished artificially no matter what. Keep this in mind for the rest of my rambling.
So I'll start with some of my first problems with the show, the events leading to the battle of the Bastards.
So all this comes down to the fall of Stannis. He is about to attack Winterfell but his army essentially banishes after a series of artificially created inconveniences. First, remember how Davos mentions the Golden Company all the way when they're still at Dragonstone? Stannis refuses because he doesn't like mercenaries, yet they eventually do get mercenaries when they get a loan in Braavos. I gotta ask, who did they get? because if the Golden Company was in Stannis's army, they wouldn't have abandon him after the dumb fire Ramsay started at his camp that caused "all the mercenaries" to leave. So I assume they didn't get the Golden Company then, because they're known to never break a contract. In which case we're in a contradiction, Davos mentions them, but even though both him and Stannis go to Braavos to get money they don't actually hire them? Odd.
I know they burned his daughter (the dumbest decision ever) and many men left afterwards, but that still doesn't explain everything. Also, how they ruined his character. He would've never done that to his own daughter just for the stupid iron throne. She's all he has, and he loves her more than anyone else. A complete fuck up of a character development.
Also worth mentioning is that Renly had 100 thousand men in his army, that's Most of Baratheons bannermen and Tyrels. When Stannis kills him he says "I've got all my brother's bannermen, except the Tyrels" Now, the Tyrels are a large House since they control a Kingdom and they also have bannermen of their own who I assume didn't join Stannis. Even then I say Stannis had a large number of men. Some died in King's Landing, but I'd assume he still has a decent amount left.
Yet they keep trying to convince us he barely has anything left without explaining to us what happened, even if most abandon him, where do they all go? those are Houses that have to pledge their alliance to someone. I remember in the books they portray his army when he is about to attack Winterfell (about here is where the last book ends) and he has a very decent quantity of men. In fact, I'd assume he wins that battle in the books and that's the end of the Boltons... Moving on.
So when they arrive at Winterfell with the snow falling they expect to get a siege going. Roose Bolton is smart and thinks the best is to just wait, they'll all die in the snow. Which is true, that siege idea was a joke. But Ramsay convinces him otherwise after the magic tent burning tricks he did in Stannis's camp.
Apparently Bolton has 5 thousand men, an odd number (we'll get to that later). And apparently all 5 thousand of them are mounted on horses if you remember the battle. BULLSHIT. No chance on fuck they all had horses, but that's what we see when they horse sandwich Stannis's army.
Stuff happens, Ramsay kills his father which I call bullshit again. Roose Bolton is a dangerous man, but they wanted to make Ramsay more dangerous in the show for some reason. Whatever.
House Umber betrays the living shit out of Stark because reasons. I get it about the Karstarks, they surely don't like the Starks after the beheading of their Lord at the hands of Robb, but the Umbers? Big Jon died at the red wedding at the hands of the Freys and the Boltons. What the fuck is this? and the reason is because new lord Umber disliked his father. WHAT? what kind of dumb writing is that? You could argue that is also because he doesn't like wildlings and Jon Snow allowed them to pass the Wall, but even then I doubt that's reason enough to betray their loyalty before at the very least talking to the guy first and asking for his reasons.
So Jon desperately tries to find more men. The North cowards, because the legendary northern loyalty no longer exists for one reason or another. Stark house is gone because Jon is a bastard, Sansa is a woman, and that's reason enough.
Lyanna Mormont plays hard to get because "it's someone else war". Okay. And the best part the wildlings only have 2 thousand men left to fight. Out of the 100 thousand, 99% apparently died to Stannis, the rest died at Hard Home at the hands of the dead men. That's it then, 2 thousand fighting men and women? that's not enough to continue their line, at this moment the wildlings as a race or whatever you wanna call them are doomed. But remember they're still going and prospect looks good in the final episode! Somehow! yes, magic!
Now, remember the 5 thousand Boltons? A bit too large a number perhaps for a single house. Robb Stark had 20 thousand men (according to both the books and the dumb show) and that's with all houses united including theirs. What's more, when Umber and Karstark pledged their houses to the Boltons, Ramsay said to Jon they had 6 thousand. So apparently those 2 houses combined grant you only 1 thousand men? what the fuck, get your math right.
So in the parlay they have a day before the battle, Ramsay mentions he haven't fed his dogs for a week and he can't wait to see how they'll eat Jon's men. When the battle is over, Sansa brings this very same line up, when Ramsay is tied up on the chair (btw, why did the dogs wait before she comes to talk? the kennels were open all the time!) "You said it yourself, you haven't fed them in a week" yet she didn't know this, because Ramsay mentions that 5 minutes AFTER she leaves the parlay. So how did she know? Remember what I've said at the very beginning about lack of care and attention to detail? that a viewer noticed this and the dumb fucks writing the show did not... baffling.
Sansa bitches that she had no say in Jon's war assembly the night before the battle, yet she didn't talk because she didn't want to talk. She was RIGHT THERE, if you want to say something, then say it! Says she doesn't like the plan afterwards, but when Jon asks her what she would change she says "I don't know" Oh! that's useful. Like, bitch if you don't like it, but you also don't know how to make it better then shut the fuck up about it. Bad character writing. As a writer, give her good reasoning for questioning, not just bitching for the sake of bitching. And this keeps going later on what pisses the living fucks out of me.
The whole battle is something I'd have imagined at the age of 10, yet these writers thought it'd be so cool for a grown up audience. Piles of bodies when the battle is 6 thousand men vs less than 3 thousand, that quite literally could never happen not even in your wildest of acid trip dreams. Somehow this pile of bodies creates a perfect wall around Jon's army, and they magically find themselves inside it, and when the Bolton pikemen come in, they just stand there watching like dumb fucks when a bee-line of pikes form around them to do the obvious. But NOPE, gotta stand there like an idiot because the artificial drama needs to be, well, artificial.
The people running the show, didn't they have consultants? Experts in history and battles to teach them how a proper battle is fought, what would happen, how could things go? Seems like they hired one for 20 minutes and that was it, when the whole thing needed 2 weeks or preparations. Then just get the cheapest knock-off of Micheal Bay and get flashy shit on screen and explosions if you can (which they did on last episode, but that rambling is all the way down there...). And this applies to every single battle or resembling of a battle this show had.
Cersei's trial.
So, mister "grand sparrow" gets the trial going, invites all the idiots of Kings Landing inside the dumb temple and all the accused are supposed to be present before the trial starts. YET Cersei gets to arrive when she wants, the guy knows she's treacherous and I don't think he'd be dumb enough to let her arrive whenever she felt like arriving especially because she could decide to not arrive at all, which is what happened, go figure.
Here's the thing. Tomen wanted to go obviously because of Margery. Yet Cersei sends sir Gregor to guard his door so he wouldn't leave. Tomen was the king, which means he has something called king's guard which guard his door. Yet magically the king's guard wasn't present. They don't answer to Cersei, they answer to the king, it has nothing to do with gold. I refuse to believe that sir Gregor would've stood there unimpeded for as long as he did until the Temple blows up. Dumb shit.
Also, Cersei knew Tomen wasn't going to take kindly Margery's death, and he is not a violent man, suicide was more likely. She is his mother, she's supposed to know that. And all the preaching of how much she loves her children all of a sudden doesn't exist because her personal vendetta is more important that her son's well being. Right, on top writing right here.
The magic teleportation of Varys and other time traveling events, and The vanishing of 2 Kingdoms.
We know Varys goes to Dorne to convince them to fight for Dany. Great, he gets there in a blink of an eye, kills two birds with one stone and brings the Tyrels to the fold. That alone should be the death of the Lannisters. Dorne plus all their bannermen, High Garden and all their bannermen, I believe they'd vastly outnumber the Lannisters and their bannermen. Back when this all started Tywin mentions to Jaimie he had 30 thousand men, all of the Lannister forces, pressumably he ment their bannermen too, I doubt they'd have that manny on their own simply because no one does. After all the battles and the killing I don't think they'd have more than say 20 thousand left, and I'm being generous here. We know they've lost every battle against the north until they all died at the red wedding, we know they've lost some men at least in King's Landing first battle. However we know Lannisters are in the winning "Lannister team" thus far, so no matter what happens they always have an ace up their sleeves.
So meanwhile at Pyke. Euron comes, kills Balon, admits it in front of everyone and all cheer for him. Yikes. It's true, the succession in Pyke is not hereditary, and in the books Yara or Asha (in the show apparently they though people would be too dumb to notice a difference between Asha and Osha) tries to claim the Salt Throne among others contenders, including Euron. It's a very elaborate process and they show you why it's not so easy.
In the show however all Euron has to do is talk and everyone is convinced. The priest (I don't remember his name) is in fact Euron's and Balon's brother, doubt he'd be thrilled to crown Euron if he admitted his involvement in Balon's death.
And then the drama, of course the drama. Theon who just got to Pyke is trying to support his sister, yet when people see him they cheer for him saying he's the true heir of Pyke because he's Balon's son.
1) That's not how succession works in Pyke as I've explained and I'm sure the writers could've known if they bothered making sense of what they were doing in the first place.
2) No one gave a rat's ass for Theon the first time he got to Pyke, everyone distrusted him and made fun of him. Yet NOW everyone forgets that, of course because we need drama.
Yara said she wants to construct a fleet, she's been there forever. Everyone knows her, everyone respects her. Euron has never been there, but he just got to Pyke, says the same thing Yara does plus his involvement in Balon's murder and everyone cheers for him. EXCUSE ME?
So both Theon and Yara run to meet Dany, with some ships. Dany has the loosing party of the Greyjoys on her side. Superb.
So she crosses the narrow sea. Good show... OH! but to make it even cooler the writers thought that perhaps it would be neat to show the Dorne ships and the Tyrel ships crossing too! Only that Dorne and High Garden don't need to cross the narrow sea because they are in Westeros already... Oh... guess the writers didn't think of that. Lack of care and attention to detail.
And later on of course Euron with his magical fleet sets his GPS and finds the other Greyjoy fleet carrying the Dornish army or some shit, and of course no one expected it, and by capturing Yara and Elaria and killing 2 of the three sand bitches all Dorne disappears. Holy motherfucker WHAT? Dorne is not mentioned ever again until the last 2 episodes I think. And they are essentially worthless for the rest of the show. Remember what I've said about Team Lannister and Team Others? Yeah.
And that leads us to the siege of High Garden. Only that there was no siege. Apparently High Garden is essentially that, a garden on the top of a hill and you get there by walking without the need of siege towers, catapults and battering rams. Careful with the roses.
That was one of the most pathetic battles followed closely by the battle at Casterly Rock (which I won't mention because it's essentially just as dumb and it'd be pandering on the same).
So The Lannisters decided to kill the Tyrels, and apparently is super easy. Here's the thing, without the Tyrell army the Lannisters are dangerously in the red when it comes to numbers, and the Tyrel had all their bannermen (except the Tarlys), and they haven't been fighting in the war just yet. The only moment they committed was in King's Landing battle in which they fought bravely with Tywin's army. Translation, they have greater numbers.
Jaimie convinces the Tarly's to abandon their their pledged House the Tyrels and uses technicalities to do so. Here's the thing, Randyl seems like a honorable man, that's what they're going for in the show, that's what Martin went for in the books. However he yields because he's "afraid of what Cersei does to those who stand in her way" and now the Tyrels are enemies of the crown. I mean, gee surely that's all you need. COME THE FUCK ON!
That still imo is not enough men wise to take the Tyrels and the rest of their bannermen, BUUUTT because we're talking about Team Lannister it already is.
So they march on High Garden, I assume the castle has its gates open, or has no gates and the Lannie bois get in and massacre everyone because apparently now the Tyrels don't know how to fight, or so it is implied by the end of the battle.
I disagree in multiple levels. Even in the show the Tyrel armor looks top notch, steel plate, it's not the trash the Freys have. And surely the second wealthiest and more powerful kingdom knows how to train their soldiers so they make sure they still are the second and more powerful of kingdoms. But no, Lannie bois win the day, without battering rams, without catapults, without siege towers, and probably without loosing a single man. Hooray!
And now that the Tyrel gold is in Team Lannister hands we can proceed to artificially inflate the amount so it's enough to pay the Iron Bank and still make them rich. I simply disagree. The Realm owes a tremendous amount of gold to the Iron Bank over the course of many years, and that's without counting how much gold the Lannisters also owe the Iron Bank. It wouldn't have been enough.
So Cersei talks some trash to the Iron Bank representative, and the guy buys everything she says. Excuse me, but the Iron Bank representative shits are though as nails, they don't give a fuck about your sweet talking. She appeals to their business with, slavers? that Dany ended when Slavers Bay went kapooie. Excuse me? It's Braavos! the Free city of Braavos? I much sincerely doubt they deal in slaves.
But anyways, Dany teleports her dragons and army in the blink of an eye to catch the Lannisters just after High Garden, and a battle occurs. Thank god the gold made it to King's Landing! phew! So now the Iron Bank debt is paid, and there's still plenty of money left. Dis looking good for A team.
So back to the battle. First the Dothraki arrived. And apparently the Lannisters don't have the concept of "scouting". When you are moving your army, especially if you're moving sensitive things like carts with food, gold and what not, you send scouts in front to report what the fuck is going on so the army doesn't get ambushed. But of course they didn't do it, and so they find themselves ambushed by the Dothraki.
Now, I don't have to point out how mounted horse men in light armor wuldn't be very useful against trained spearmen, but okay. So the Lannisters do form some sort of spear wall at one point, but apparently the Dothraki go right through it. Here's the thing, horses are not that stupid, they see a wall of shields and pointy things and they don't run to stab themselves on that. They naturally stop or move to the flanks. Yet in the show they just run and go right through it, some die, some don't. I get it once the dragon shows up, the rest of the army can't do much and they surely will shit themselves at such scene.
AHA! but there's an ace up the Lannie sleeves! yes! Qyburn's Balista was for some reason travelling with the Lannister army, because the magic ball told them they might need the anti-dragon balista Qyburn specifically made for that purpose. That's convenient, ain't it? But thankfully Dany wins, all is good, and she teleports back to Dragonstone. Also Jaimie somehow does not drown even though he still is wearing full armor when he gets out of the river after the battle.
Good stuff.
Now, Jaimie explains to Cersei later on what happened. He says no one can beat the Dothraki, I'd have to strongly disagree. The dragon is something else entirely, I'll leave it out.
But Dothraki are essentially barbarian scum mounted on horses. They don't wear much outside of light armor, and have no discipline as we all know. I imagine what the Huns were back then, because these Dothraki do not compare with the might of the Mongols. The reason the Huns ruled back then was because they had some tactics going on and they had numbers, Dothraki only have the later.
Even back then, I don't know why Robert was so weary of them. The west world has knights, and has trained soldiers. Ultimately you'd only loose if you can't unite the other kingdoms to beat them.
The dumb idea of capturing a dead
The whole idea of travelling north to capture one and show it to Cersei so they get a truce is stupid. For starters they don't even have a plan, their plan is a vision Sandor saw in the fire. Yikes.
But they go, conveniently find a small group, kill easily enough one White Walker, no biggie and apparently all the dead he commands there should die too, but only those within his wi-fi range, otherwise the show's in trouble if massive amount of dead collapse. But they needed one "alive" so one doesn't die after Jon kills the White Walker because that's what's convenient for the show in that precise moment. Good.
They get stuck on one rock in the middle of a lake, for I believe 2 full days without a fire going on the fucking NORTH. They should've froze the moment daylight's gone, but nope. So Gendry sends an e-mail to Dany, Dany teleports with her dragons. White walkers are there the whole time watching yet she decides to not burn them (I know that apparently burning doesn't work because reasons, but she didn't). The Night King hurls a heat-seeking magic ice spear and kills not Dany's dragon obviously because that's not convenient for the show, he instead aims at the dragon that is FURTHER AWAY and kills that one.
Jon wastes everyone time like a cunt. Dany paces out. Jon falls in the lake, gets out (he's still in the north btw, and now soaking wet). Unlce Benjen arrives conveniently enough, gives Jon his dead horse and decides not to go with him because and I quote "There is no time" EXCUSE THE MOTHERFUCKING WHAT? I mean, yeah he just want's to die fine, but say something less retarded maybe? Whatever. Jon makes him to the wall without freezing. I reckon he teleported.
Then some magic huge ass chains happen to appear for the White Walkers and the army of the dead pull the dead dragon out the lake. Night King uses magic touch and revives Dragon. EZ.
Now he goes north and fire-explodes the wall with warp magic dragon breath. Neat. The dead can now cross.
So in the books there's a thing called the Horn of Jorammund (I believe it's the one Grenn finds in the Fist of the First Man, all the way back when the Night's watch first goes north, so it's even in the show), it's said the Horn could bring down the Wall, and Mance has been trying to find it for many years to get a truce with the Night's Watch.
They could've done something interesting with it in the show, but instead decided to pull that travesty with the dead dragon and the warp fire. At this point I was 100% sure the writers didn't give a damn anymore.
The other problem I have is this artificially generated mistrust between all siblings.
Sansa distrusts Jon for some reason. Arya distrusts Sansa for some reason. And they all act secretive and bitchy.
Sansa questions Jon in front of everyone else, only to afterwards say to him "you're good at this" WHAT? Bitch, then shut the fuck up! You don't fucking question the guy in front of everyone else, certainly not now when everything is so fragile and then proceed to tell him you believe in him! And then they reconcile, but she goes on and keeps questioning him. Give me a break.
Then the stupid drama between Sansa and Arya. Arya acting like a cold blood killer, but then later on she acts like a little girl (last season), then like blood cold killer again, and I just can't get behind the inconsistency. Then she tries to scare Sansa with the stupid faceless man junk, only to do a 180 turn and then make peace with her and kill Baelish. Stupid way of getting rid of that character by the way.
And this thing keeps going, when Jon goes to Dragonstone to talk with Dany. All the northern houses start bitching about it. They chose him as a king, yet they're quick to try and choose Sansa as a... Queen? when he leaves. So much for the legendary northern loyalty. Bad writing once more. And all this for the sake of creating this artificial tension that fools no one.
Lord Glover himself says "we will continue to serve house Stark as we have for thousands of years" yet the moment Jon pledges to Dany he leaves. Jon brings this very line up when they're reading the note he left, and Sansa twists the words saying that what he meant was "serve the king in the north". And I'm like bitch, I know exactly what the motherfucker said! Lack of care and attention to detail in the writing once more.
More drama created between Sansa and Dany.
When Sansa mentions how woman might manipulate men, Dany says something like "I came north to fight for your brother's war, who is manipulating who" Listen you little shit, it's not his war, it's EVERYONES WAR, it's the fucking horned night king! coming for all the living, including your ass! I mean, what kind of writing is this?
At this point, I already hate both Dany and Sansa. Sansa is a bitch who just bitches for the sake of it and wants to rule something. She's useless, but she wants to rule something. Dany acts like a spoiled little child who always gets what she wants.
Which brings to the Battle for Winterfell.
Oh sweet Jesus, why. If the battle of the bastards is something I could've imagined at the age of 10, this thing is something I could've imagined when I was 8. First thing first, I didn't actually count the numbers, but the Unsullied are looking incredibly large in numbers, don't they? Press X to doubt. You'd think that an army that cannot replenish because they're the last of their kind at this point will be decently diminished after all of Dany's wars in the East. Yet they still look like if they had 8 thousand men. Even the Dothraki look more depleted, and take into consideration and based on my assumptions that Dany brought 100 thousand of them give or take after she did her trick with the fire again and fooled all the Kalasars into thinking she was some sort of goddess.
So first thing first, the palisades and the pits and the trenches they prepared. Terrible trash. I'd have dug at least a 20 meter deep trench if I felt lazy. It would only buy you some time because you know, those are reanimated dead bodies, they'll just pile up and keep going, which brings to the fact this whole conclusion for the Dead army was dumb as fuck.
The red woman setting the Dothraki araaks on fire was the dumbest shit ever. Horses and animals in general don't like fire. You light something on top of your horse and the animal will most likely freak out. You'll fall and break your neck on a good day, you'll end up crippled on a bad one. But let's ignore that of course and focus on the fact that the whole horde charges into the unknown. What kind of imbecile it takes to do something so stupid? You don't just throw away your cavalry like that! I mean if you all just wanna die, fall into your swords and be done with it. Also, Dothraki are barbarian scum, they have no morale and discipline, they'll go and when shit starts to look bad, they'll run away. Something that the writers amazingly kinda portrayed properly in that battle.
So lots of dumb shit happens, Dany and Jon are static in the air contemplating at the Night King, and he is contemplating back at them, probs it was selfie time. And then some more dumb stuff happens. Apparently dragon fire can't kill the Night King, imagine that. OOHHH but Valyrian steel sure can! Now, I'm not an expert GoT writer, but I've got the impression valyrian steel is so great because it's forged in dragon fire which is magical, that's what makes valyrian swords what they are. So, if dragon fire can't kill the Night King, then fucking valyrian steel can't either. End the stupid show right here, they've won. But naaahh, gotta try to be dramatic and shit, because their audience are 5 year olds that are easily impressed.
Also, what the fuck was with the reasoning behind the Night King wanting Bran? Because he's the 3 eye raven. Whatever. And the whole thing ends right here, after one dumb battle in which imho all should be dead because looking at the corpses running and just throwing themselves at people, not sure for how long you can fight an enemy like that, but it ends right here. 7 Seasons and it all ends in one poorly written episode.
They tried at some point to explain what the White Walkers are, So the Children pushed magic obsidian down a guy's chest and created the Night King to fight the First Men (or the Andals, not sure, don't have my facts straight here). But that's all we know. Like, how they keep going? What do they want? Who gives a fuck about Bran? Why they didn't die last time? What guarantees they wont rise again in the future? Nothing. Pa fucking thetic.
Gotta say, the reference when Arya kills the Night King, Bran gave her the knife all the way back then, even though Baelish gave him the knife. Because he probably knew what would happen, and Arya needed the knife for it to happen. Which kinds of ruins the whole "fantasy", if Bran knows the future then why bother doing anything.
This was the true fight, the true war. The Iron Throne was a story within a story, to make the books cooler and enrich them. I believe the idea has always been to leave this battle for last. But of course the tv show thinks it knows better and can twist everything.
You'd think the army of the dead would push, would go all the way up to Dorne, when the very sand freezes you'll know shit's getting deep. And then you'd try to wrap things up, not at fucking Winterfell, the third or second major castle south the wall.
So the final battle.
Somehow Dany's army gets ambushed on their road (road? sea?) to Dragonstone. The bitch is flying on her dumb dragon and she can't see Euron's fleet, maybe she needs glasses.
Of course it was about time her second dragon died, and so it did. But somehow they capture Missandei, yup definitely never saw this coming. Then they kill her obviously and Dany looses her shit and I am supposed to empathize, but sorry I can't.
How many men died under her command? hundreds? thousands. Yet they kill Missandei and OH M Y G O D. Gottsa burn the city. That was it. Kay.
And of course, magic defense weapon now is have Ballistae (or scorpions they call them) every 3 meters. I guess I get it, but obviously this being the last episode, they will have to miss so Dany can burn-explode everything in the city. Funny how dragon fire not only burns but it makes things explode, apparently The city walls and buildings were filled with blackpowder.
But the most interesting part is that no one heard her dragon up to the point she burns-explodes the main gate, and everyone proceeds to storm the city. The Golden Company just banishes in an instant,
plop! deleted, all 10 thousand men they artificially inflated from last season count for nothing. I've said in the past that I doubt the Golden Company had more than 5 thousand men tops simply because they're mercenaries, it doesn't fit. But they all die, all because DRUuUGuN... It's a dragon, not an atomic bomb. Remember they're famous, best mercenaries in the known world or sumshit, the commander runs away like a little bitch, and I'm facepalming so hard I'm about to knock myself. Also, did anyone else notice how they changed the armor of them in this episode? LOL, like make up your minds, you fucks. This is the point in which the whole "Team Lannister" thing I mentioned before just can't work anymore, because it's the last episode and the last minutes, Dany finally has to win. So all the inflated numbers, all the sellswords, all the pledged houses, all the money, counts for nothing.
At this point I know Dany is insane, that's what they're going for her character, I get it. But it's still dumb how they play that card.
I think the way Qyburn dies is stupid, I've never quite got his character in this show, they are definitely building him in the books, but in the show? I don't get it. His unwavering loyalty to Cersei at times makes no sense whatsoever, and I don't find him that much interesting anymore, and the way he dies is 10/10 dumb. The way Cersei dies is believe it or not more interesting to me. I'd preferred if Baelish would've died in a similar fashion, not shot by an arrow, not hanged, not sliced by swords, just died in an unfortunate way, buried. No one could get her at the end, she died buried in rubble.
And I didn't like her character in the last seasons because everything was handed over to her artificially, gold, men, anything. Her thing is that she loves her children, yet she basically killed Tomen and never gave a damn about it, but keeps bringing the other ones to the table as leverage or as argument. It's inconsistent and I can't take her character serious like I did with Joffrey for instance.
The ending, just as dumb.
The part Jon kills Dany, fine I can see that coming. But afterwards the whole epilogue thing? GEEZ.
Up to this point I've been wondering, what happened to Edmure Tully? I can swear one of the writers thought the same and was like OH SHIET!! so they tossed him in the final 5 minutes, and kept building his character as someone who is not a smart person for some reason. I wonder who got him out of the Frey's dungeons. Pathetic.
The Unsullied are a paradox to me. They're mindless grunts usually. They just do what you tell them to do. Yet, Dany kinda gives them back the ability to think for themselves, but once she dies, essentially what happens to them? Would they truly kill Jon or would they just imprison him? and what for? So here, I really can't trash the show because I don't know how I could solve this paradox.
The Dothraki though, they are not a paradox. They followed Dany because I'm sure they thought of her as some sort of god after her dumb trick with the fire. But they're still the same barbarian scum, I assume once she dies they'd simply try to find a new Kal as they usually do. But they are shown as still walking in Kings Landing way after the epilogue. Whatever.
Jon goes to the... Wall? what? and then he goes north with the rest of the wildlings. Excuse me? the wildlings tried to cross the wall for thousands of years, once they do, I doubt they'd want to go back to that freezing hell where there is no food, barely wood, and life is so harsh. I doubt they'd want to go south of Winterfell, but going all the way north again? that sounds like dumb nonsense.
Bran the new king, yeah sure. Because Tyrion said some nonsense about "stories" and that somehow translates in Bran being king. SURE. Remember Maegga? the witch Cersei visits as a child? she told her she would marry the king, she would have kids and they will all die (in a more poetic way), and she will be Queen... for a time "then there comes another, younger, prettier" Is Bran younger? aye, is he prettier? huh...
Remember what I kept preaching about lack of care and detail in the writing department? Yeah.
Sansa as useless as she is gets finally to rule the north she so much wanted.
Arya decides to set sail to the edge of the world to meet the great monster under the plate or something.
And Daario gets to rule Mereen, Yunkai, and the others. Or maybe not, I guess we'll never know.
I guess they wanted to do something different and Dany as Queen would've been too predictable, but FUCK IT. It's not about the ending, it's about the journey (that's a good advice for life too I guess). Who cares if it was predictable? you think people would whimper for having a predictable ending if the whole story was memorable?
Instead we got this? a jackass on a bicycle smoking purple paint while licking poisonous frogs could have come with a better story.
Some issues or not that I have with the characters.
Jamie. Comes north because he can't stand Cersei's lies anymore, only to run back south afterwards. Yes you could argue some things about that, but dude, don't bother going north then in the first place.
His whole character is about saving the innocent, that's what he did when he killed the mad King, that's why he did it. Yet when Tyrion frees him in S8 he says "I've never much cared for the people of King's Landing". Yes you do, you fuck! My god they ruined him.
Bronn. They ruined his character in the last episodes. For starters Cersei commands him to find and kill both Jaimie and Tyrion. Really? of all people she chose him? What guarantees he'd do it? absolutely nothing. Safest bet was to kill him after Jaimie leaves.
Bronn does show up magically in the north to threat both brothers, no one sees him, he just walks in with the crossbow to get his castle deal going. And at the end of the show he is the master of coin! I mean I get it, it's fan service, but the man has no loyalty, clearly. He outright threatens Tyrion and Jaimie, I'd have him killed after that. But whatever, the whole show is trash at this point, who cares.
Sansa, bitchy up to the last minute. My god she's annoying at this point. And of course she wants to rule the north and demands it to be an independent kingdom after Bran gets his artificial crown. Then perhaps all the rest should demand to be independent kingdoms. Fuck off...
When she accuses Baelish, saying he killed Lysa, the other Lords have no reason for trusting her because then she lied when she told them Lysa committed suicide. Yet as soon as Jon leaves they think she is more fitted for ruling over the North. Yeah, get your shit straight.
Thank fuck they didn't ruin Sandor that much, probably the most decent character here. They kept his objective of killing his brother up to the last moment, they kept his bad mood, not stupid love stories, nothing changed. At least that was okay.
BTW the moment he sticks the dagger in Greggor's face that thing should've died. He's not an undead like the corpses the Night King commands, a dagger to the brain and it's over. But fine, whatever. Apparently Qyburn was a wizzard.
Edd was one of my favorite characters too. Glad they kept his dark humor going, although they recycled a lot of lines and the jokes were getting older (and that applies to essentially everyone). Of course he just dies in Winterfell, probably for the best.
Also Theon, at least they gave him his redemption, defending Bran until he died. The last moment when he charges to the Night King was somewhat heroic. Everyone knew he was going to die, he knew he was going to die, but he did it anyways because it didn't matter anymore, so might as well try.
Jorah dying protecting the wannabe mad queen was heroic too. We all knew he was going to die sooner or later, so I guess it wasn't so bad the way he did.
Arya.
Don't get her. First she's a cold blood killer. Then she's a normal person, then the first, then the later. For fuck sake. Then that bed scene with Gendry (totally never saw that coming) they try to make her "impressive" by showing her body is full of scars because of her "training" in Braavos, yeah sure. But she took hits to her face as much as anywhere else, why her face is still perfectly fine then?
Baelish. Now, outside the classic "this character now has to be dumb" that happens to the majority of characters, and the stupid way he dies, they accuse him of sending the assassin to kill Bran with the valyrian dagger. In the show they never explained that part and if it's true or not. Baelish did started it all in the books, but he never sent people after Bran. That was Joffrey, because he never liked Bran. And after he falls, Joffrey steals the dagger from King Robert and somehow pays a man to do the job. Baelish only lies about the dagger to get the fight between Lannisters and Starks going. He makes everything up in that very moment he's talking with Cat. The dagger wasn't his, and he never won it from Tyrion because Tyrion never gambles against Jaimie. This part of the plot comes way later in the books, and they completely forgot about it in the show.
Elaria and the sands
So in the show they just don't make up their minds about her. She's supposed to be dangerous, yet she's weak. Doesn't know how to fight and cowards when the Iron Born capture her and one of her daughters (I don't even remember her name).
In the books she's mentioned to be a kind person who does not want war at all. The sand girls in the books are mentioned as ferocious warriors, yet in the show they are pathetic little girls who lost every fight.
Once more the writers of the tv show thinking they know better, and embarrassing themselves in the process.
Edmure... They completely forgot about him until the last 5 minutes of the show! The guy had a wife, a son, he was locked up on a cell in the Twins, he's the last living Tully. Who freed him? Arya when she magically killed all the Freys?
Tyrion. They managed to completely ruin his character too by making what was through the whole series a smart man be a complete idiot in the spawn of a few episodes. Thanks for ruining my favorite character in the show among everything else. Very thorough.
The bed stories. My god these are annoying. This starts mostly in the last season, when the writers truly have no clue so they look at what the soap operas do. And in soap operas writers have no brains and no budget, so the easiest thing to do is create this stupid lovsies stories.
Whenever you see Grey Worm you just know Missandei will be around and they'll engage in some mushy conversation. Maybe develop the character in a more interesting way? not just stupid lovsies shit. What are the guy's and the gal's aspirations? I don't know, dwell more in their past, something else that is not always the stupid relationship they both have.
Fun fact: In the books Missandei is her cousin (which looking at this show might be some sort of "poetic" based in all the incest relationships) she mentions that to Dany in Astapor when they talk about the Unsullied and how they would fall on their swords if she commands them. She says that she'd rather Dany don't do that, because the one who call himself Grey Worm is her cousin.
And who the fuck are the other Lords in the epilogue? some Dorne guy we've never heard of and another old man. Like, dude explain something! It's like they needed to fill 50 hours worth of a Season in 1h20m episode.
To crown this thing up (crown, get it? HAH I'M SO SMART), I'll end by saying it had its moments, even in the last season which is arguably the worst it did. But they are so few and far between and the amount of trash is so bad, you just can't forget.
I wouldn't recommend anyone to watch the show past Season 3, or 4 if you're that desperate. And only because of the characters that they do so well, this thing truly ain't worth watching after that. Best bet is to not watch it at all, unless you can truly stop at S4. I for one once I start with a series, I gotta know how it ends.
Definitely will keep recommending the books, even if Martin fucks up the last (is it truly the last?) book, all the prior ones are 10/10.
Also, I'll leave the map of the known world so you can look and laugh at all the teleporting they did in the show from one side of the map to the other. Wish it had distances too, but anyways.