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Post by themikefest on May 28, 2018 4:15:19 GMT
Started my ME3 playthrough. Unfortunately it won't be a weaponless playthrough since the game forces me to use a weapon a few times in the game.
**BEEP** **BEEP** **BEEP** **BEEP**
We interrupt this program for a special announcement
This is theanchorman themikefest from station WTMF. We now go live to our reporter on sight, Mary Magpie.
MM: Thank you themikefest. Yes. What is happening is the former Commander Shepard is being moved from where she has been under house arrest for the last 6 months. She is being escorted by Alliance security. I see Admiral Anderson. They're exchanging some words. Shepard doesn't look happy. Ok. Shepard is heading into the main hall to talk with the committee. Lets listen.
Committee: We were hoping you would tell us?
Shepard: What? How would I know. I've been locked up for 6 months.
Committee: That's all yo----
explosions rock the building
MM:themikefest are you there?
tmf: Yes we are Mary. Right now we're about to leave this building. If you can, keep broadcasting, and if possible, stay with Shepard. I will try and get in touch later. Stay safe.
MM: You too themikefest. Ok. I see Shepard and Admiral Anderson heading out of a window.
Shepard: Hold up Anderson. Who are you? Oh, I see. Whoever you are, stay close to me so that nothing happens to you. Don't bother asking any questions until things have calmed down.
MM: Yes, ma'am. I'm here beside Shepard and Admiral Anderson. We're moving at a brisk pace. I'm already breathing heavily. Of course it doesn't help I'm wearing high heels. What are those? They look human, but....
Shepard: I call them the uglies. You will see more. Lets get moving before more get here.
MM: As I go through a door, I look back to see Shepard looking in vent. Don't know why. Back out of the building and WOW. A giant looking...…
Shepard: That is a reaper.
MM: Thank you. Oh my god. It just destroyed an Alliance ship. This....this...AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. Not bad. Just slid down the side of the building. I will need some new clothing and shoes. Damn. I just bought these. More of the uglies so up. Here comes the ship to pick up Shepard. Commander? Would you mind if I came along?
AA: It wouldn't hurt Shepard.
Shepard:...…...Fine.
MM: Thank you Admiral Anderson and Shepard.
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Post by themikefest on May 28, 2018 11:29:47 GMT
I look over to see Commander Shepard talking to someone on the screen. Her Alliance security seems upset about something. I over heard her saying they're heading to Mars. What's on Mars? The Commander heads towards me.
CS: If you're going to follow me, having this armor will help. When I say get to cover or stay down, that's exactly what I want you to do. No need for you to be injured or killed. By the way, what's your name?
MM: Its Mary Magpie.
CS: I'm sorry Mary, but I have to laugh. I'm sure you had your share of name calling while you were in school?
MM: Yes I did. Can I ask why we're heading to Mars?
CS: You can. We're finding someone who may have a lead that can help stop the reapers.
We arrived at Mars. The armor the Commander gave me fits nicely. Everyone remain quiet in the shuttle. Once off the shuttle, Shepard runs towards a building. Who are those guys? We come under attack. Stay in cover, stay in cover. I overhear the female, I believe her name is Ashley mention Cerberus. Hmmm. I will have to look them up when back on the ship to get more information about them.
So this is the one we're here to get. She's an asari. The Commander saw the look on my face and smiled. I will ask her why later. The asari says she found plans for something that wipeout the reapers. The plans are in the archives. If you found them, why didn't you take them? If I get a chance to interview this asari, I will ask her about that.
The Cerberus pwoplw attack. Shepard sends the security guy back to the shuttle. I have a hard time keeping up with the Commander. She deals with the Cerberus enemy very easily. We reaxch the archives. Wow. Who's this? Its a hologram. Illusive Man? Is that the guys name? I would be curious why hisparents would name him Illusive. Another question I'll ask the Commander.
Now we're running after a Cerberus person who has the onformation needed to stop the reapers. Holy Crap. I'm I outta shape. Come on legs. Catch up with the Commander. A shuttle crashe into another shuttle. So the person we were chasing was a.....robot? Oh crap. It just hurt the Ashley woman.
The ship shows up in time to board. I overhear someone say we're headed to the Citadel. The Ashley woman looks bad. I find a spot to sit down to rub my feet.
We reach the Citadel. Ashley is taken to the hospital while the Commander talks with the council. Back on the Normandy, the Commander told me to walk around the ship to get familiar with it while she talks with Admiral Hackett. I will do that. I turn my focus to Earth. And themikefest. Hopefully he and his staff are ok.
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Post by themikefest on May 28, 2018 19:02:20 GMT
I walk around the Normandy introducing myself and getting to know the crew. The security guy, his name is James, seemed like he was more focused on my body than talking with me. I'll stay away from him. Talking with Samantha was interesting. I could tell she was nervous. She said it her first time on a ship like this. She said she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I went and talked with the asari. Liara. She had an interesting story about how she came to know Shepard. I asked her point blank why she take a copy of the plans on Mars. Her eyes went big. I then asked if she ever was in the archives. She ended the conversation right away by saying she had some work she wanted to finish. I will ask the Commander about that. I like talking with Greg Adams and Karin Chakwas. Karin Chakwas, the ships doctor, scanned me to make sure I was good-to-go. Steve Cortez seemed occupied with something else. I'll try to talk with him later. Jeff Moreau, the pilot, aka Joker, likes being funny. He told me about a lot of what he and the Commander did together while chasing Saren and dealing with the Collectors. He said he wouldn't mind if I talk with him again.
MM: Care for a chat Commander?
CS: Sure. Oh, before we do, I noticed on Mars you made a funny look when we encounter Liara, the asari.
MM: That's the first time I've seen an asari in person. I found her revolting.
CS: Hahahahaha. Don't feel bad. I'm not a fan of them either.
MM: I did talk to her. When I asked her a couple of questions about the plans to said she discovered, she ended the conversation.
CS: Let me guess. It was odd that she mentioned she discovered plans that could wipeout the reapers, but didn't take a copy. We ended up going to the archives. I agree. I believe she found nothing and that she never was in the archives. All she found were clues that led her to Mars and she used that to get her hopes up. Why I didn't ask her was because I didn't want to start anything and I wanted to get the plans as quickly as possible without having to deal with Cerberus.
MM: Yes, and I understand.
CS: Just so you know, were currently on our way to Palavens moon. It will take a bit of time to get there. Oh yeah. Do you have anyone special in your life.
MM: I do. His name is Charlie Brown. He's an architect. He wasn't on Earth when the reapers hit. He's currently on the Citadel for meetings. I saw him when we arrived from Mars. He's a good guy.
CS: If you two decide to tie the knot, send me an invite. I have to go make the rounds before we arrive at Menae, Palavens moon.
I've come to the conclusion that I like the Commander and that I can talk to her about anything. It would be awesome if she were to show up at my wedding. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I watch the Commander as she moves around the ship talking to everyone. I even cheered her on when boxing, was that what they were doing, with James.
Wow. We have just entered a war zone. It looks like the turian military is taking a beating. As soon as we landed, we were at full speed. With the enemies dealt with, we met with turian General who told us the Primarch is dead. Who's this? Its Garrus. A turian that helped the Commander on previous missions. Right off the bat we come under attack by a giant flying thingy that James calls a harvester. Those uglies look like turians. I do agree with the Commander. The term uglies fits perfectly for what those things are. We end double timing it to find General Victus. Look at all the uglies. Get down Mary. Let the others do the fighting. The General is surprised to learn he's the next Primarch. Before he helps he wants the krogan to help him. The look on the Commander's face wasn't good.
We head back to the Citadel. The Commander heads off to take care of a few things. I decide to do some shopping.
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2018 0:51:49 GMT
Going to start my 2nd play through. Might dabble a bit with writing up a few pieces.
Shepard Log 1
Normandy. A higher-up's conversation you aren't suppose to eaves drop on, so you most assuredly are.
Anderson: parents have an excellent service history, war hero.... blah blah blah
Udina: I duno. Sounds like a goody two shoe. Are you sure she isn't going to ruin my future evil plans?
And: You have evil plans?
Udina: No! No! It's a proverbial saying on my home planet!
And: We're from the same planet.
Udina: It was my grandmother's saying.
And: I thought you've never visited your grandmother because you're too mean.
Udina: Look, do you want me to authorize Shepard or not?
And: Fine. Let's do this.
Normandy performs a v. cool space jump.
Nihlus: We didn't get our shredded pieces of DNA plastered all over the galaxy. Good for you.
Joker: Jerk.
Kaidan: How dare he say something nice to you.
Joker: Except I'm amazing.
Shep: Maybe he was concerned because you didn't zip your space suit coming out of the public bathroom.
Anderson interrupts.
Joker: Thanks for almost saving me from reliving a very embarrassing moment. Had you called two seconds earlier that would have been perfect. With my thanks be warned that a Turian jerk is coming your way.
And: He's already here.
Nihlus: Told ya your crew says bad stuff about me behind my back.
And: Oh great. Shepard get yourself and the guns you sleep with over here.
Shep: Sound like he lost a sandwich bet.
Kaidan: I'd be mad too if I had to give up my sandwich to Nihlus. I heard it's the special turkey one from the kitchen staff today.
Shep: I better get going before the buffet runs out of sandwiches. Er before the Captain waits too long.
Pressley: Red alert! We've been boarded by Turians!
Shep: Relax. That war had ended a hundred years ago. He's just a friendly Spectre.
Pres: Why is there a Spectre and a Captain who can feed the salvation army by selling his medals on board? I thought we were delivering newspapers door to door.
Shep: I'll go check on that. So, where's the buffet?
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Trouble-shooting Space Diva
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, Jade Empire, Mass Effect Andromeda, Mass Effect Legendary Edition
Origin: melbella
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Post by melbella on May 29, 2018 0:56:39 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2018 1:32:20 GMT
She always wandered what the family was hiding from her.  |
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Post by themikefest on May 29, 2018 13:27:22 GMT
I watch as the Commander speaks with the representatives of the krogan, salarians and turians. I have no idea what is being said, but it looks tense. I try to ask the Commander a couple of questions, but she brushes me off.
We go to the salarian planet, Sur'Kesh. There is a female krogan there. Don't what's so important. Once there, the Commander talks with Major Kirrahe. Both were on mission together a few years ago. I meet another salarian, Mordin. He helped the Commander deal with the collectors. After listening to what he said, I now understand why the female is important. What's that? Someone is attack the base. Its Cerberus. I assume the role of staying in cover. I'm amazed how well the Commander fights through enemies. Back on the ship, the Commander tells me not to talk with the female krogan. Yes ma'am.
Now were heading to Grissom Academy. I know of it. I wrote an article about a few years ago. Now Cerberus is after the students. I meet Kathlee Saunders. She mentions the students and an instructor are trapped by Cerberus. This is an instructor? Her name is Jack. Another character that helped the Commander deal with the collectors. Once Cerberus is dealt with, we get the students on the shuttle.
We head back to the Citadel. I watch as the Commander specak with Ashley. She's in her uniform. She must be doing a lot better. ater I meets a Miranda Lawson. She's another character who helped deal with the collectors. Saw Steve Cortez standing near where the Normandy was docked.
Back on the ship, I decide to talk with Garrus to ask him about these characters that I've seen the Commander talk to. After an hour talking, I now have a clearer picture of what happened during the time the Commander was chasing Saren and dealing with the collectors.
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Post by themikefest on May 29, 2018 15:27:20 GMT
I'm on my way to the planet Utukku. Something about missing krogan scouts. I meet a krgaon named Grunt. He's another charater that helped Shepard. I also heard something about rachni. I watch as the Commander and her squad deals with the rachni. The reapers messed them up. The krogan scouts are dead. We encounter the queen. Shepard lets her go.
Back on the ship, the Commander gave me permission to use the qec.
MM: Its good to see you themikefest. You look well.
tmf: Thanks Mary. It's good that you're doing well. Vancouver is.....well lets just say...its in real bad shape Mary. If/when these robots thingys are destroyed, its going to take a lot of work to Vancouver back to what it was.
MM: I hear you. Commander Shepard is doing what she can to get help. She has been nice enough to let me go with her on missions to see first hand everything that the reapers are doing. A few missions we encounter Cerberus. I know very little of them or why they're doing what there doing. How have you survived?
tmf: Myself and others...speaking of the others. Many at the station died when the robots attacked. A lot of good men and women lost their lives. Anyways. Myself and others were able to escape with a few things. Later we were trapped by these... yucky looking things when Alliance personnel dealt with them. Admiral Anderson is leading the group. He said we could tag along. At the moment its quiet. but that will likely change in a moments notice. I have to go Mary. Stay safe.
MM: You to themikefest.
Since this is a no weapon usage playthrough, I took edi and Garrus on the krogan scout mission. I used edi's incinerate to deal with the webbing. While in cooldown mode, I would have Garrus use his overload on the webbing, if needed.
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Post by RedCaesar97 on May 29, 2018 23:44:49 GMT
From two weeks ago (I'm nearly caught up).
Barbara "Barbie" Shepard...
Dr. Gavin Archer: Thank god you came. We are experiencing a catastrophic VI breakout.
Barbie: Have you tried rebooting the system?
Archer: Um what?
Barbie: Did you try restoring from a backup?
Archer: I don't understand...
Barbie: Did you use a software removal tool or antivirus software?
Archer: Look, can you just go take care of the problem for us?
Barbie: (lifting gun) Shoot it until it stops. My specialty.
Later...
Barbie: Wooo! You see that shit? That was awesome!
Archer: Are you all right?
Barbie: Never better! You got any more satellite dishes? I want to blow another one up!
* * *
Barbie: Uh, this place is so hot it's ruining my hair!
Miranda: (sarcastically) And how long did it take you to do your hair? A whole minute?
Barbie: Yeah!
Miranda: I hate you so much.
* * *
Garrus: Good thing that Geth Prime is trapped in a stasis field. Barbie, what are you doing?
Barbie: (fiddling with a panel) I want to fight the Prime!
Garrus: Goddammit.
Later...
Kasumi: It's like it's herding us.
Garrus: You think it's herding us into a trap?
Barbie: I hope it's herding us into a barbeque. I could really go for a steak right about now.
* * *
Barbie: Be careful. I wouldn't be surprised if this button summoned a Reaper. (presses button) Aaaaaah! So tingly! (stumbles out of door, door closes and locks)
Samara: We're trapped in here!
Thane: On the other hand, she's trapped out there. For the time being, we are safe from her.
Samara: So... meditation contest?
Later...
Barbie: (pistols whips Gavin Archer) If you ever think of coming after your brother, I have a bullet
waiting for you. I am curious though. If I hook myself up to this thing, I can access the Geth Concensus?
Archer: No wait! You don't have the mental capacity to handle it!
15 minutes later...
Geth Concensus: Quiet. Please make it stop.
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Post by dazk on May 29, 2018 23:58:15 GMT
Later... Barbie: (pistols whips Gavin Archer) If you ever think of coming after your brother, I have a bullet waiting for you. I am curious though. If I hook myself up to this thing, I can access the Geth Concensus? Archer: No wait! You don't have the mental capacity to handle it! 15 minutes later... Geth Concensus: Quiet. Please make it stop.  |
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Post by Son of Dorn on May 30, 2018 0:00:43 GMT
From two weeks ago (I'm nearly caught up). Barbara "Barbie" Shepard... Dr. Gavin Archer: Thank god you came. We are experiencing a catastrophic VI breakout. Barbie: Have you tried rebooting the system? Archer: Um what? Barbie: Did you try restoring from a backup? Archer: I don't understand... Barbie: Did you use a software removal tool or antivirus software? Archer: Look, can you just go take care of the problem for us? Barbie: (lifting gun) Shoot it until it stops. My specialty. Later... Barbie: Wooo! You see that shit? That was awesome! Archer: Are you all right? Barbie: Never better! You got any more satellite dishes? I want to blow another one up! * * * Barbie: Uh, this place is so hot it's ruining my hair! Miranda: (sarcastically) And how long did it take you to do your hair? A whole minute? Barbie: Yeah! Miranda: I hate you so much. * * * Garrus: Good thing that Geth Prime is trapped in a stasis field. Barbie, what are you doing? Barbie: (fiddling with a panel) I want to fight the Prime! Garrus: Goddammit. Later... Kasumi: It's like it's herding us. Garrus: You think it's herding us into a trap? Barbie: I hope it's herding us into a barbeque. I could really go for a steak right about now. * * * Barbie: Be careful. I wouldn't be surprised if this button summoned a Reaper. (presses button) Aaaaaah! So tingly! (stumbles out of door, door closes and locks) Samara: We're trapped in here! Thane: On the other hand, she's trapped out there. For the time being, we are safe from her. Samara: So... meditation contest? Later... Barbie: (pistols whips Gavin Archer) If you ever think of coming after your brother, I have a bullet waiting for you. I am curious though. If I hook myself up to this thing, I can access the Geth Concensus? Archer: No wait! You don't have the mental capacity to handle it! 15 minutes later... Geth Concensus: Quiet. Please make it stop. Those poor Geth. 😁 |
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Post by clips7 on May 30, 2018 5:02:40 GMT
I just finished the main campaign of the Citadel DLC...and i must say...it was a great run. I like how laid back the story was and how it didn't take itself seriously. Funny lines and statements by all of characters and even tho the overall atmosphere in the game itself is bleak, this was a bit of a bright spot for these characters to wind down and have some fun. I haven't invited nobody to my apt yet as i'm just enjoying some of the festivities on the strip.....both Leviathan and Citadel are great DLC's....i might get that "Omega" DLC that stars Aria even tho i hear that one really isn't that good, but i love Aria....that Asari is no joke and i would luv to have a romance option with her just to break down that bad-ass tough-girl demeanor she possesses....  |
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gottaloveme
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Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Jade Empire, Mass Effect Andromeda, SWTOR, Mass Effect Legendary Edition
Origin: sunwisecircles
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Post by gottaloveme on May 30, 2018 11:00:28 GMT
is anyone else having trouble with mass effect 3 and origin? It's driving me nuts
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2018 14:14:10 GMT
Shepard Log 2
Jenkins: I'll run around in circles throwing bread crumbs at the enemy to confuse them... or better yet, I'll appear out of smoke like Darkwing Duck.... but maybe!
Chakwas: It's the plans like these that make me assemble scattered limbs every day.
Shepard: I think he's onto something with the bread crumbs.
Jenk: Yeah! Nihlus once took out an entire fleet with the bread crumbs and they weren't even buttered!
Chak: I'm pretty sure that faulty recording meant big guns, not bread crumbs...
Jenk: No way! Spectres are totally awesome and above the law! They don't have to wait in line at the buffet, not even at Eden Prime.
Shep: There are sandwiches on Eden Prime?
Jenk: Sure! They're yummily grilled with cheese. It's Paradise!
Shep: At last! Someone who understands me. I hope you cowardly stay in cover and don't get shot.
Chak: .... the buffet is that way.
Shep: hmmm... This buffet everyone keeps pointing me to awfully looks like the Captain's office.
Nihlus picking turkey out his teeth: Shepard! You finally got here! We have a very long conversation ahead that will go past lunch.
Shep: Damn... Did you take over the Captain's office and his right to boss everyone around aside from the sandwich?
Nihlus: No. He's on his way to agree with everything I say.
Shep: What were you going to say?
Nihlus: After considering that humans are loud, smelly, horribly invasive, always forgetting to zip their space suits.... 30 minutes later, but also great at shooting impossible things, you've become a highly honoured candidate to be the 1st human Spectre ever.
Anderson coming from the washroom: Say yes! This will give us the chance to stick our noses into Council business more often.
Shep: Does the ceremony involve bathing naked in the Presidium fountain with the Krogans?
Nihlus: Not officially.
Shep: What's the catch then?
Nih: I get to follow you around and nick your sandwiches until you're good enough.
Shep: Nobody nicks my food!
Nihlus completely ignoring her: You can start by retrieving the Beacon from Eden Prime.
Shep: Bacon?
Nihlus: The Prothean built Beacon .
Shep: Were Protheans great cooks?
Nihlus: They were the people who built the giant slingshots that toss you around the galaxy.
Urgent message from Eden Prime. We see Ashley shooting at the giant, purple shrimp in the sky. The bullets don't reach that high, but she looks heroic.
Shep: A one star sea food restaurant has come to eliminate competition!
And: Let's get them!
Jenk: Can we come with the Spectre?
Nih: You aren't cool or stylish enough.
Shep: What's wrong with my pink and orange zebra suit?
Nih: Ugh! My eyes!
Nihlus falls out of the airlock and pretends it was on purpose.
Shep: Hey falling onto the planet all by yourself in no fun. What if someone betrays and shoots you in the back?
Kaidan: How can anyone betray him when he's alone?
Anderson kicks them out the airlock too.
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Post by dazk on May 30, 2018 23:33:39 GMT
is anyone else having trouble with mass effect 3 and origin? It's driving me nuts No problems with Origin in Australia other than its usual quirks!!!! Sorry can't be of more help. Good luck  |
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Post by themikefest on May 30, 2018 23:38:26 GMT
We now head to Tuchanka to cure the genophage. Supposely it will get the krogan to help the turians who will help Shepard. Right off the bat, we encounter those ugly looking things. They give me the shivers. Once done, we meet with other groups of Krogan. Now to deal with the reaper. Since we stopped, I look to the distance at the reaper. My thought wander back to Earth. I wonder how well the planet is doing. Oh crap. What happened? A turian fight was shot down by the reaper and end up crashing into this area. I run my hands over my body. Good. Everything is still there.
I follow Shepard into what looks to be some underground ruin. The ground shakes. Even Garrus makes a comment. That's not an earthquake. Kalros? What's a Kalros? Oh, I see. That's a big....whatever. Get back in the vehicle and head to the reaper. This is where the Commander told me to stay. Ok.
From a distance I see...is that Kalros taking the reaper down? Wow. I'm glad I had my omni-tool camera rolling for that. I bet I'll get a raise just for getting that scene. I look at the Commander and asked where Mordin was? She didn't say anything. She didn't look sad. I guess he left for wherever he went.
As we head bacik to the Citadel, I decide to talk with the crew and squad. They seem a bit more relaxed around me since I first met them. I made the mistake of playing chess with Samantha. Lets just say, I'm glad I didn't make any bets.
We arrive at the Citadel to find out its under attack by Cerberus. Commander Bailey is wounded , but insists its a scratch. I see a lot of dead bodies. Why are they doing this? What the f----? The guy with the ponytail had his hand fire something that injured an invisible salarian. Now I'm not a soldier or anything, but if he's invisible, why didn't he attempt to shoot or tackle the guy with the palm gun?
Here he is again? I wanted to tell the Commander to fly the car towards the walkway to knock the ponytail off the skycar, but I figured she knew what she was doing. Now were heading towards the ground about to crash. That hurt. My shoulder is going to have a nice bruise. What is this? Enemies with swords? Maybe this is a new form of combat that I'm not aware of. Ha. The Commander took them down easily.
Oh boy. Keep your footing Mary. I'm not use to standing on top of an elevator going up at a fast rate of speed.
That's Ashley. Why is she pointing her weapon at us? Her and the Commander exchange some dialogue. What? You just killed our human councilor. I got a lot of questions for you Commander.
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2018 12:42:05 GMT
Shepard Log 3
Shep: Ewww! Smells like burned soy sauce!
Picks up some dirt and licks it.
Kaidan: What are you doing?
Shep: Captain said to taste the terrain.
Kaidan grabs Jenkins by the scruff of the neck so he doesn't do the same: I think he meant test.
Jenkins: Unidentified shooting objects. Chaaaarge!!
Shep: Nooo! He loved the sandwiches almost as much as I did! Let's honourably bury him next to the BBQer after we save the Bacon.
Nihlus: Investigating some ruins.
Shep: Hey Nihlus, are you there? Are you lonely? Let me tell you about my hand soap collection.
Nihlus: pssshhh pshhh I think there is too much static! Bye!
Ashley shooting the Geth: This is for everyone's favourite poodle Puffy! And this is for raiding my nail polish cabinet!
Shep: That is a serious offence! I always carry at least five bottles. One for each finger. Wanna see?
Kaidan: I already shot the Geth.
Ashley: No wander the Quarians wanted to exterminate them. These slaves are out of control putting people on spikes.
Shep: Maybe they're Ivan the Terrible Cult?
Ash: Hope the scientists didn't become this shish kebab. They may know stuff.
Kaidan: Oh look a trailer.
Shep: Knock, Knock!
Warren: Are you the Geth?
Shep: No! You're suppose to say, 'who's there?'
Warren: Fine. Who's there?
Shep: Butter!
Warren: Butter who?
Shep: Butter be quick! We have to find the bacon.
Warren lets them in: Your Beacon along with every valuable shred of information was moved.
Manuel is digging a hole in the ground. There is a bottle with a note inside next to him.
Shep: What is he doing?
Manuel: Leaving a message for the future!
Kaidan: Won't it be easier to find your message if you didn't bury it in the ground?
Manuel: I must hide it from them! I've seen them! The robed wraiths riding on the flame mounts! We're all doooooomed! Dooomed!
Shep: Have you seen a Turian?
Manuel: He's their boss and we're DOOOMED!
Shep: Nihlus didn't tell me that he has a flying fire horse! I also want a fire horse!
Manuel slips on the bottle and gets knocked out.
Shep stomps off to find Nihlus who is sneaking up on an intruder: Saren? Weren't you on vacation in Hawaii?
Saren: Nah! I've decided to join the Geth instead.
Nihlus sheathing his gun: Good one!
Saren shoots him.
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Post by themikefest on May 31, 2018 16:59:14 GMT
MM: Do you have time for a few questions Commander?
CS: Mary? Why is your hair and clothing look....like you just woke up from sleeping?
MM: Commander, we're both women here. You know why. After Cerberus was stopped on the Citadel, I used the time to go see my man. I got some. Smile all you like, but I needed him to hold me after what I saw.
CS: I'm sorry Mary. I most likely would do the same if I were in your spot. Its also good to hear he's ok.
MM: Yes. He's helping where he can. Do you know the first time I saw that reaper, as I was following you and Admiral Anderson, I crapped all over myself. I've never been so scared before in my life. Once on your ship, one of the crewmembers was nice enough to give me a change of clothing albeit an Alliance uniform. Since I've been with you, my courage has gotten stronger. But it wasn't strong enough to stop me from shedding tears when seeing all the dead on the Citadel before Cerberus was stopped.
CS: How did you end up in Alliance HQ, before the reapers showed up?
MM: It was themikefest's idea. He wanted to do a 4 part series about the Alliance. He knew that Admiral Anderson was in Vancouver and asked me to get an interview. When I got there, he told me he didn't have time. Something about an important matter to attend to. As I was heading back to the elevator, to head back to the office, I say him walking at a brisk pace. I followed him. That's when I saw you.
CS: If we survive, you might get a lot more than what you bargained for.
MM: Indeed. I might even get a spot on the evening news. themikefest is currently looking to have someone replace him so he can spend more time on current affairs.
CS: I'll do what I can to make that happen. Starting with destroying the reapers.
MM: Do you think its possible?
CS: I do. I just finished talking with Admiral Hackett. His scientists believe, the weapon they're building, will have enough energy to destroy them. Unfortunately, at least at the moment, they're unsure how that energy will be dispersed. In the mean time, we gather more allies to help. We're headed to the Perseus Veil to talk with the quarians.
MM: Do you think they will help?
CS: I hope so. We need all the help we can get. We'll talk later Mary.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2018 15:32:01 GMT
Shepard Log 4
Shep: Whoa! That huge shrimp restaurant is on the move!
Ash: What do we do?
Shep: What we always do. Shoot everything in sight.
Kaidan: There's something behind the crates.
Shep: Can I shoot it too?
Powell: Don't shoot! I'm just a lazy sod napping on duty. I saw where the beacon went.
Ash grumbling: We should have shot him anyway.
Saren is hugging a Geth and staring into the sunset: Once upon a time when we were young, Nihlus and I got ice cream. I dropped mine and Nihlus finished his. Ever since I hated all peaceful villages. Let's blow this place.
Kaidan: It's a bomb!
Ash: There are four bombs!
Kaidan: Shepard are you disabling them while we're covering for you?
Shep: Just a minute! I scratched a nail!
Ash: Are you painting your nails? We don't have that minute.
Shepard drops the nail polish bottle into the bomb which hisses and breaks down.
Shep: Noo! Now I have to decide if I want two nails green or blue!
Kaidan: Oh look! There's the beacon! Nothing will happen if I casually approach it.
Shep pushes him out of the way: It's obviously an oven with bacon inside! I think I've seen a similar one belonging to my granny.
Shepard pulls the outer panel off and begins crisscrossing the various wires.
Beacon: Mmmmpfhh? What do you want?
Shep: Where are you hiding the bacon?
Beacon: I can unlock the secrets of the universe for you if you just leave me alone.
Shep: BACON. NOW!
In the background we hear Saren moan because now he'll never find out where that special type of ice cream was sold which he dropped.
Dr Cha wakes Shepard up by waving a sandwich under her nose and then proceeds to eat it.
Shep: That sneaky beacon made no sense! It kept mumbling something useless about the intergalactic war and never told me where to find the bacon!
Cha: Slow down or you'll choke on air. I've detected some abnormality in your brain after you talked to the ancient Prothean thingy.
Kaidan: Pretty sure that abnormality was there before.
Anderson: We need to tell the Council that Saren is a turncoat.
Shep: Sounds like he has a terrible fashion sense. Maybe we should also tell them that he shot Nihlus too!
Kaidan: A turncoat is...
Shep: Someone who wears their coat inside out. Let's go kick some ass!
Kaidan: You know... I'm kinda glad you didn't blow up with the beacon. That is! There isn't enough space next to the BBQer!
Shep: Thanks! Is that a dustball?
Cha: I sure got hoodwinked into this job by sexy abs and heroic eyes.
Shep: Does this mean you know some secrets about everyone you heal? Tell me something about Kaidan.
Cha: Doctor, patient, confidentiality.
Shep: I'll tell Anderson you have a big crush on him.
Cha: Fine. The L2 implants have iffy effects on people. If you clap your hands like this, Kaidan will start singing.
Shep: How do you get him to stop?
Cha: You hit him with a chair.
Shep: No wander he complains about headaches.
Ash: My enhanced sense of angst says I feel bad about taking over Jenkins' post.
Shep: Will you make me a grilled cheese sandwich in his memory?
Ash: Yes Mam! I'll even eat it for you!
Shepard goes looking for Joker and ends up in the cargo bay.
Supplier: Welcome. I'm the guy who gets stuff for the crew.
Shep: WooOoho!! Shopping spree! I would like ten bottles of nail polish, seven with sparkles, three hair sprays, twelve lipsticks...
Supplier: Mam, I'm not sure this is authorized Alliance equipment.
Shepard not listening to him: ...two hair curlers, two hair straighteners, and high heels! Wait let me find my shoe list...
Supplier: I should have said I'm a stowaway.
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Post by RedCaesar97 on Jun 2, 2018 4:45:16 GMT
adonniel, your story is cracking me up! (And also reminding me I need to finish mine) My personal faves: Shepard Log 4Ash: What do we do? Shep: What we always do. Shoot everything in sight. Shepard Log 4Kaidan: Oh look! There's the beacon! Nothing will happen if I casually approach it. Shepard Log 4Cha: Slow down or you'll choke on air. I've detected some abnormality in your brain after you talked to the ancient Prothean thingy. Kaidan: Pretty sure that abnormality was there before. Shepard Log 4Cha: Fine. The L2 implants have iffy effects on people. If you clap your hands like this, Kaidan will start singing. Shep: How do you get him to stop? Cha: You hit him with a chair. Shepard Log 4Ash: My enhanced sense of angst says I feel bad about taking over Jenkins' post.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2018 13:49:02 GMT
your story is cracking me up! (And also reminding me I need to finish mine) I found your story when it was already in progress. So, I've painstakingly clicked back on every page until I found the 1st post. Ruwr! Yush! Let's write more! And who needs the Moon! |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2018 16:16:44 GMT
Shepard Log 5
Joker: Look at me impressively pressing buttons to fly around the Citadel in circles!
Shepard drooling: Look at all these stores!
Joker: Didn't you just buy 176 useless items?
Shep: Shoes! You can never have enough shoes!
Normandy cuts off the biggest Alliance ship into parking.
Joker: PWND!
Udina yelling at the Council holograms: I demand you revoke Saren's right to cut in line!
Council: Based on the unrecorded testimony of an asshole who was supposedly sleeping and therefore should not have seen anything with his eyes closed? And you complain we don't take you seriously.
Anderson: Sounds like you're doing a great job representing humanity.
Udina: Hurray! Lower ranking people I can take out my insignificance on. You all suck and failed the mission. Appreciate me getting you audience with the Council.
Ash: Politicians. They're great!
Kaidan: Your sarcasm can poison the entire rat population on Citadel.
Shep: Oh lookie an unsupervised computer at an important office. Haxors.
Ash: Whoa patrols going missing.
Kaid: Are we going to stick our noses into everything?
Shep: Yup!
Receptionist: Shepard Commander, if you go left....
Shep: For someone who has a cool spy phone in front of her, you sure give lots of boring instructions.
Kaidan: Yeah, it's not like we need to listen to them. We never get lost.
Ash: Now who's being sarcastic.
Avina: I also give directions. I'm authorized to praise the Council to the skies and not programmed to criticize them.
Shep: Let me teach you political jokes.
Asari Councillor crashes on an uninhabited planet. A year later when she gets rescued the crew finds three buildings in the area.
'What are those for?' they ask.
Asari: One is my house. The other is the Embassy I attend. And the third is the lesser species Embassy I ignore.
Avina: My Matrix are destabilising. Emergency shutdown.
Kaidan: I didn't know they were programmed to lie.
Volus Ambassador: Humans are like bugs. No one knows which hole they crawled out of, nor how to put them back.
Xul: Hey, I've got problems too. This consort keeps slandering me.
Shep: Awesome! A talking skunk and an elephant.
VA: Ignorant human. I'm Volus.
Shep: Nice to meet you skunk Volus.
VA: umm... There is another skunk Volus down at the bank.
Elcor Embassador: Stares Accusingly.
VA: What? He totally ripped me off and sold me candy without the wrappers.
Shep: For real! There is another talking skunk!
Shady Banker: I help others make valuable deals.
Shep: Do you provide information when your stomach gets poked?
SB: No!
Shep: poke... poke... poke...
SB: I'll tell you where to get the best hairpins!
Emporium Shopkeeper: He....
Shep: It's the best jellyfish I've seen all day! Now about those hairpins....
ES: ...LL
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Post by RedCaesar97 on Jun 3, 2018 18:48:01 GMT
(Someone is probably going to like this post before reading it. Please don't be an idiot and like this post. This post is not meant to be liked)
I have avoided playing Mass Effect for the past few weeks until I catch up on writing Barbie Shepard's journey. I have one more post until I catch up and then I can lift my self-imposed ban, but...
I just cannot for the life of me seem to write anything good. At this rate, it may take another whole week before I can start playing again. This is killing me. Nothing I write seems to be good... AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
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Post by Son of Dorn on Jun 3, 2018 19:29:59 GMT
(Someone is probably going to like this post before reading it. Please don't be an idiot and like this post. This post is not meant to be liked) I have avoided playing Mass Effect for the past few weeks until I catch up on writing Barbie Shepard's journey. I have one more post until I catch up and then I can lift my self-imposed ban, but... I just cannot for the life of me seem to write anything good. At this rate, it may take another whole week before I can start playing again. This is killing me. Nothing I write seems to be good... AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! Sounds like a case of 'old writers block.' As a fellow writer I understand what it feels like. It's a real pain in the backside to overcome. Hopefully it will pass soon. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2018 19:39:18 GMT
RedCaesar97 Aggh! I wish I knew the ninja method against writer blocks, but I suffer them too. Here's a post that might hopefully inspire you.  Shepard Log 6Ash: Hey look, a buttons poking cricket. Shep starts tap dancing around it: Ahoy cricket! Can we talk? Can I tie a pink bow into your hair? I think pink looks smashing with bold green! Avina: Please don't bother the Keepers. Shep: Great! You're back! Let me tell you more jokes. Kaidan: I think that Monument is talking to me. Ash: I need to get decontaminated. The sooner the better. Consort Assistant: Welcome. Would you like a mind blowing neck massage 3 months from now? Shep: I can't remember appointments five minutes from now. How about next Sunday? This Sunday? Volus Labour Day? ... one hour later... 30 seconds from now? CA: FINE! FINE! Shep: Sorry, I can't wait that long. Consort: Just let her in already. Shep: Hey, this place could use some fuchsia chequered curtains. Consort: I need a person of your persuasion level to tell this old pervert to stop talking nonsense about me. Shep: Do I get a sandwich if I do that? Consort: I can give up unimaginable pleasure and knowledge. Shep: SAND-WICH! Fred: I have seen the Consort's assets! Shep: Just how far were you when you've seen them? Fred: On the other side of the Citadel.... and she was clothed... and I had a telescope... in my dream. Kaidan: I think there is some shady info about a biotic cult running amok. Shep: Great! Let's go look through the C-sec correspondence. There must be something there. Pallin: Oh look another human cutting in line to get into my office. You're suppose to wait 2000 years like all the other races. I bet you're a Spectre candidate too. Shep: Soo.... some C-sec are bad and this makes all of them good. And some Spectres are bad and this makes all of them bad? Pallin: Go bother the Council. A bartender on the way to the Council: Would you like some useful directions? Shep: What? No booze? You're the most boring bartender ever. Ash in the elevator: So... we're suppose to trust Udina to pass our reports to the Council? Kaidan: I bet he reads them. Shep: We were suppose to write a report? I just played tic-tac-toe. Udina five hours ago: How the heck do you decrypt this secret code? Shep: A sexy Turian ahead. Garrus: There were Saren's fingerprints on the bomb from Eden Prime. Pallin: The bomb that blew up after it was disabled? Everyone stares at Shepard. Shep: I was trying to crack a walnut. Pallin: If you weren't good at your job, you'd be fired. Now get your ass back to work and forget Saren. Garrus: Riiight... hope you guys have better luck. You don't want to keep the Council waiting. Shep: If they don't want to be kept waiting, why did they put so many stairs on the way to their office? Kaidan: Someone must be hiding insecurities if they need to inflate self-importance that much. Saren looking smugger than Dr Evil's cat: And here is the picture of me hugging bunnies in Hawaii and feeding the pigeons.... Anderson: I have the doctor's note. You're allergic to bunnies. Saren: The guy who always fails at accusing me and with his equally failsome student. Someone sticks their fingers into a socket and has a hallucination, which supposedly makes me evil. Council: Saren's version does sound legit. Shep: Did Nihlus and the other Spectres ever tease you as the Council Pet? Ander: I bet that's why he shot Nihlus. Council: We've had enough of this nonsense. Udina go stand in the naughty corner. Saren smirks: See ya suckers.
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