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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2016 7:18:52 GMT
Ok, this is serious. My hubby and I had a talk today. I wanted to get a better internet connection, but he was against it and I quote "We are not getting a better connection just that you can play." And it gets worse, listen guys: I found out that he think's that "playing video games is not a hobby, it's just killing time". Like WTF! I'm getting a divorce! Update: Ok, problem solved and we're getting a faster connection. Divorce cancelled. SOMEWHAT relevant to the above post, more dating in general: The problem with long-term relationships is that of trust. People can, quite simply NOT BE TRUSTED. Polyamory is very likely the only possible evolution of human relationships; the only question is how many generations will it take for us to accept our natural inclination for deception/secrets/affairs? How long will we continue to lie to our children about the "soul-mate fallacy"?? Isn't it odd how during adolescence we abandon our beliefs in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy yet cling to this idiotic notion that we have a completely perfect, flawless person out there somewhere just waiting to meet us? We need to tear away this delusion and start giving young people realistic expectations regarding romantic relationships. /rant People can be trusted Some cant, but thats when you know you have found the right person... they can be trusted they are someone who you could put your life in the hands of, and know that they would do nothing but look after you True love isnt about flawlessness, and perfection isnt either... someone is perfect because of their flaws, not because they have none Love takes time, sacrifice and trust... but true love can take many forms Begin the Frozen references! In Frozen towards the start of the movie Anna gets what would basically be described as a classic Disney whirlwind/true love/soul-mate romance... that doesnt exist, period, and it doesnt in Frozen either True love exists for the people who are willing to find it but if you think it will be an easy, no-effort-all-gain thing, then youll be disappointed... the greatest acts of true love are the ones where you put the person you love before yourself, and finding a soul mate isnt an unrealistic thing... its perfectly achievable A soul mate can be anyone... friend, partner, sibling... it doesnt mean that youre perfectly synchronized, or that you finish each others sentences (or sandwiches)... its defined by the emotions involved, the strength of the relationship/friendship, and what you would do to make someone happy/safe... and if all those things are strong or you know a lot, in both people, thats what a soul mate is... thats when you know 2 people are perfect for each other
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Post by mybudgee on Dec 5, 2016 7:43:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2016 11:00:44 GMT
I don't normally get involved in these threads. But fuck it, I'm bored and feel like typing random nonsense nobody actually gives a toss about. Will provide a TL;DR tag and a Gif version of following text for my buddy Roy in case she comes across it. TL;DR Okay so my first and only proper relationship. Met her on Facebook (shame, I know) through "mutual friends". Got talking, as I more or less used that abomination to flirt with girls (eventually I moved onto BSN to do that, just ask one of my four BSN gfs ) Anyway, after talking on social media cesspool we exchanged numbers, things got heated, but we had a problem -- we lived very far apart. I'm talking 800+ kms. I had a full time job and was loaded with cash so one weekend I got us a hotel. I was also heavily into drugs, sick of my job, so we spent a glorious four days in the hotel and decided to shack up together at her place. I literally dropped everything and moved in with a woman I technically only had known for four days. As expected, the honeymoon phase was over as soon as we got to her place. To cut a long story short, it was a year of toxic misery and struggle not to wrap my hands around her throat. Eventually I left, went back to where I was before. I led her on into thinking we'd be back together just long enough to arrange to move my TV and PS3 out of there as I feared she either wouldnt give them back or would trash them. Never looked back. They often say you always love your first. I can't even say I hate her. That requires emotion, and in that regard, not giving a fuck is the best place to be. GIF version:
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Post by lynroy on Dec 5, 2016 11:18:59 GMT
I don't normally get involved in these threads. But fuck it, I'm bored and feel like typing random nonsense nobody actually gives a toss about. Will provide a TL;DR tag and a Gif version of following text for my buddy Roy in case she comes across it. /dead Appreciate it, mate. I understand what happened now.
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Post by OneWomanArmy on Dec 5, 2016 15:30:27 GMT
HOW TO AVOID A BREAKUP: Don't get involved with anyone... see? Problem solved 😉
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Post by Queen_Angel on Dec 5, 2016 15:43:04 GMT
My break ups were ok. It may have been hard at first but no bitter feelings and were actually still pretty cordial. However, there is one break up i had where the person just couldn't accept it. They had an issue with letting go of things in general. Basically a person that just doesn't know how to let go of anything once attached. It was kinda hard because i never faced anything like that before. Im used to break ups actually being break ups and not a person to actually fight it like that. Then i would make it no better because ide fall for the guilt trip everytime and end up right back. It takes drastic measures to break free from something like that, atleast for me.
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Post by HK90210 on Dec 5, 2016 16:29:07 GMT
The problem with long-term relationships is that of trust. People can, quite simply NOT BE TRUSTED. Polyamory is very likely the only possible evolution of human relationships; the only question is how many generations will it take for us to accept our natural inclination for deception/secrets/affairs? How long will we continue to lie to our children about the "soul-mate fallacy"?? Isn't it odd how during adolescence we abandon our beliefs in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy yet cling to this idiotic notion that we have a completely perfect, flawless person out there somewhere just waiting to meet us? We need to tear away this delusion and start giving young people realistic expectations regarding romantic relationships. /rant While this 'soul-mate' fallacy you refer to is indeed a fallacy(as described by you. I've heard other descriptions that are less fallacy-like), I would argue that polymory being the 'only possible evolution of human relationships' is one as well. Both ignore key elements of the human experience, and are built on flawed expectations of what human relationships are 'supposed' to be. The "soul-mate" fallacy ignores the fact that humans are intrinsically flawed things, and have the capacity for selfishness, deceit, distrust, jealousy and even cruelty. Their capacity for loyalty, selflessness and kindness does not override this fact. No person is 'flawless'. Every relationship, even the most trusting and the most loyal WILL have its rocky bits. This is true outside of romantic relationships as well. Even the closest siblings will have their rough patches. It's part of the experience. The idea that your relationship with your soul-mate would be free of these rough patches is very much a fallacy. But the "polymory is the future" fallacy also ignores the fact that humans are intrinsically flawed things, and have the capacity for selfishness, deceit, distrust, jealousy and even cruelty. And when you compound romantic relationships with the feelings of more and more people, the ability of relationships to self-destruct becomes exponentially higher. The ties are also collectively weaker, and more subject to break and wear with use. "A" may love both "B" and "C" equally, but "B" only likes "C", and "C" loves "B" more than "A". That kind of quagmire can get VERY messy once you take into account that each of the people involved will feel distrust, jealously and selfishness at some point. I would argue that polymorous relationships are inherently not as stable as monogamous relationships. The variety of someone different is not worth the extra turmoil in having to take another person's feelings into account when you decide who to spend thanksgiving with, IMO. /counter-aguement;
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Post by grallon on Dec 5, 2016 19:52:56 GMT
HOW TO AVOID A BREAKUP: Don't get involved with anyone... see? Problem solved 😉 Indeed. Last lover I had was 20 years ago and I ain't missing that circus that's for sure. Besides we're born alone and and meant to die alone. It cuts on the drama to spend what's between point A and Z alone.
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Post by Melra on Dec 6, 2016 9:14:21 GMT
Don't go into a relationship with the expectation that it is going to last forever, you'll make better use of your time and maybe make some memories worth keeping for years to come. Maybe you might even learn something new and improve yourself through the process. The problem only arises if you see all the time you spent, before the break up, as a waste or something you'd wish to forget after it is done.
Partners come and go in today's world anyway. Best to focus on earning yourself a nice trustworthy group of friends and less so on finding the partner of your dreams.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2018 7:00:33 GMT
My first relationship ended through Skype chat message while I was in the middle of class. They guy said he wanted a more physical focused relationship, which he thought I wouldn't be into and wanted to try dating around while he still could.As far as I know he hasn't really gotten what he wanted.
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Post by BamBam the Destroyer on Apr 1, 2018 19:37:19 GMT
Dun dun dun dun...
Maybe he'll find a Southeast Asian woman.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2018 22:18:34 GMT
Dun dun dun dun... Maybe he'll find a Southeast Asian woman. Well the guy wanted a fat, black chick so he'd probably be going after them.
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Post by BamBam the Destroyer on Apr 1, 2018 23:25:31 GMT
Dun dun dun dun... Maybe he'll find a Southeast Asian woman. Well the guy wanted a fat, black chick so he'd probably be going after them. Does that make you jealous?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2018 23:58:48 GMT
Well the guy wanted a fat, black chick so he'd probably be going after them. Does that make you jealous? Nope. I'm honestly better off without him. He needs some growing up to do it.
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Post by The Biotic Trebuchet on Apr 2, 2018 0:28:16 GMT
Holy damn, this thread.
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Post by warden on Apr 2, 2018 13:26:46 GMT
Holy damn, this thread. A drama or a comedy? hard to say.
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Post by Sweet FA on Apr 25, 2018 5:00:58 GMT
They can f off, good riddance to bad rubbish at least they're not wasting my time now.....not that I'm bitter...
BTW has anybody ever been in a jukebox battle in a bar with a vindictive individual from your past who just walked in with their entourage were they hit you with their emotionally loaded selection of tracks and you strike back with your own barbed playlist.
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2018 6:44:34 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2018 6:49:10 GMT
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Post by Sifr on May 2, 2018 5:00:58 GMT
At least they had fun getting to bone themselves in the meantime.
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Post by Treacherous J Slither on May 2, 2018 20:28:10 GMT
My worst break up was when a girl I really liked dumped me over the phone. She was nice about it but I felt miserable for a good while afterwards.
Looking back though, I don't see what the big deal was. Sure, she was fun to drink with but we hadn't even been seeing each other that long.
My most recent break up I don't remember very well. I don't even remember who broke up with who. All I remember is her holding the door open, me walking out with my things unable to keep the grin off of my face, and marathon gaming all weekend with a deep feeling of relief.
I've got 5 beers in the fridge that i've been dreaming about all day long. Ice cold white ale in a tall frosted glass. Mmm...
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Post by nanotm on May 2, 2018 22:08:56 GMT
Ok, this is serious. My hubby and I had a talk today. I wanted to get a better internet connection, but he was against it and I quote "We are not getting a better connection just that you can play." And it gets worse, listen guys: I found out that he think's that "playing video games is not a hobby, it's just killing time". Like WTF! I'm getting a divorce! Update: Ok, problem solved and we're getting a faster connection. Divorce cancelled. lol in my house we had a similar convo, the threat was actually more severe (the 125 different way to have baked beans) but we havent looked back since we got unlimited data 80/20 fibre connection in 2012, funny thing is we got it at an ultra cheap price deal at the time and the ISP never increased it despite the contract running out, i'm not about to remind them were paying less than half the normal price either
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2018 3:57:04 GMT
This recent breakup was with my first love and apparently he broke up with me because I don't have the traits he wants in a woman. He first said that it was because we were incompatible and when I pressed him on it he said that what he meant by that was that I don't have the traits he wanted in a romantic partner. He refused to tell me what those traits were. Hit me pretty hard since one of my fears is not being good enough. So thanks for the salt in the wound. He also told me that he just fell out of love, but if what he told me is true I don't think he actually loved me, I think he loved the idea of me and so I haven't been truly loved yet. Not for myself, which hurts because I struggle with the idea that no one wants me.
My first ex didn't love me and just viewed me as a sex object, (we didn't have sex though, thank god), and I allowed it because I didn't think I could do better. I never loved him either. The next guy, I thought he loved me and I loved him. The more I thought about it, I loved him because we had similar issues and struggles that I saw each other as kindred spirits.
I've been suffering from depression and alienation from a mutual group of friends ever since. I've spent days eating one meal a day and sleeping 3 hours. When I told my ex that I wasn't sleeping well, he told me to reduce the amount of soda I was ingestinging like that was the reason for my lack of sleep. Yeah my soda intake certainly dropped since I was only having a meal once a day. I don't think my ex wanted to take my suffering seriously to avoid feeling guilty about it. I don't even think he believes that I'm hurt or in much pain, but I am and this pain has been eating me away for over two months.
He said he wanted to be friends, and even said I could still come and see him. We were in a long distance relationship and it would cost me at least 2 or 3 hundred dollars. Not that that's been the real issue, I honestly just don't want to ever see him again in person. I don't even ever want to video chat. Hell, I already deleted all of his pictures. I'm not been sure if I even want to be or could be friends with him. Sometimes I'm so angry at him that I outright hate him and other times I'm just afraid that being friends with him is just going to hurt me. I've suffered, am suffering, and will suffer. I don't need more reasons to suffer.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2018 4:10:28 GMT
Also I question if his request for friendship is genuine or not. Because it wasn't like he was hanging out with me much so I feel like these might be hollow, empty words just to make himself feel like less of a bad guy. We'd be friends in name only and he wouldn't want to hang out with me unless I forced him to.
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I will save BioWare
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Post by Coronavirus on Dec 20, 2018 12:59:35 GMT
This recent breakup was with my first love and apparently he broke up with me because I don't have the traits he wants in a woman. He first said that it was because we were incompatible and when I pressed him on it he said that what he meant by that was that I don't have the traits he wanted in a romantic partner. He refused to tell me what those traits were. Hit me pretty hard since one of my fears is not being good enough. So thanks for the salt in the wound. He also told me that he just fell out of love, but if what he told me is true I don't think he actually loved me, I think he loved the idea of me and so I haven't been truly loved yet. Not for myself, which hurts because I struggle with the idea that no one wants me. My first ex didn't love me and just viewed me as a sex object, (we didn't have sex though, thank god), and I allowed it because I didn't think I could do better. I never loved him either. The next guy, I thought he loved me and I loved him. The more I thought about it, I loved him because we had similar issues and struggles that I saw each other as kindred spirits. I've been suffering from depression and alienation from a mutual group of friends ever since. I've spent days eating one meal a day and sleeping 3 hours. When I told my ex that I wasn't sleeping well, he told me to reduce the amount of soda I was ingestinging like that was the reason for my lack of sleep. Yeah my soda intake certainly dropped since I was only having a meal once a day. I don't think my ex wanted to take my suffering seriously to avoid feeling guilty about it. I don't even think he believes that I'm hurt or in much pain, but I am and this pain has been eating me away for over two months. He said he wanted to be friends, and even said I could still come and see him. We were in a long distance relationship and it would cost me at least 2 or 3 hundred dollars. Not that that's been the real issue, I honestly just don't want to ever see him again in person. I don't even ever want to video chat. Hell, I already deleted all of his pictures. I'm not been sure if I even want to be or could be friends with him. Sometimes I'm so angry at him that I outright hate him and other times I'm just afraid that being friends with him is just going to hurt me. I've suffered, am suffering, and will suffer. I don't need more reasons to suffer. And in time those wounds will heal and you’ll become stronger for it. The real trouble is taking the hurt from before and projecting it onto whoever comes next, they need a clean slate because it wasn’t them that hurt you. By all means be wary, I think all people should. I think it’s fair to retain a bit of one’s self in your mind in case the relationship goes south, but we only live once and I think it’s sad when people who get hurt become cynical and jaded then completely shut off from ever letting anyone into their lives again. I think that with a mixture of time and an acceptance that sometimes things don’t work out, you will come back stronger than before Shadz.
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