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a tidy workspace is the sign of a deranged mind
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Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, Mass Effect Andromeda
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Post by nanotm on Dec 20, 2018 14:05:42 GMT
This recent breakup was with my first love and apparently he broke up with me because I don't have the traits he wants in a woman. He first said that it was because we were incompatible and when I pressed him on it he said that what he meant by that was that I don't have the traits he wanted in a romantic partner. He refused to tell me what those traits were. Hit me pretty hard since one of my fears is not being good enough. So thanks for the salt in the wound. He also told me that he just fell out of love, but if what he told me is true I don't think he actually loved me, I think he loved the idea of me and so I haven't been truly loved yet. Not for myself, which hurts because I struggle with the idea that no one wants me. My first ex didn't love me and just viewed me as a sex object, (we didn't have sex though, thank god), and I allowed it because I didn't think I could do better. I never loved him either. The next guy, I thought he loved me and I loved him. The more I thought about it, I loved him because we had similar issues and struggles that I saw each other as kindred spirits. I've been suffering from depression and alienation from a mutual group of friends ever since. I've spent days eating one meal a day and sleeping 3 hours. When I told my ex that I wasn't sleeping well, he told me to reduce the amount of soda I was ingestinging like that was the reason for my lack of sleep. Yeah my soda intake certainly dropped since I was only having a meal once a day. I don't think my ex wanted to take my suffering seriously to avoid feeling guilty about it. I don't even think he believes that I'm hurt or in much pain, but I am and this pain has been eating me away for over two months. He said he wanted to be friends, and even said I could still come and see him. We were in a long distance relationship and it would cost me at least 2 or 3 hundred dollars. Not that that's been the real issue, I honestly just don't want to ever see him again in person. I don't even ever want to video chat. Hell, I already deleted all of his pictures. I'm not been sure if I even want to be or could be friends with him. Sometimes I'm so angry at him that I outright hate him and other times I'm just afraid that being friends with him is just going to hurt me. I've suffered, am suffering, and will suffer. I don't need more reasons to suffer. a few things, long distance relationships dont work, transitioning to friends doesnt work after you were shagging, and dating within your group circle doesnt work when your not all in the same location, nobody is worth killing yourself over no matter how poorly things played out, your ex is likely isolating them from you so you dont find out he was cheating on you, and he probably doesnt want anything to do with you again people change love is not what most people think it is, a mutual level of "he/she is too good for me" is required love isnt big statements its little things, its making each other laugh, it involves a spot of dark humour and often requires some shared experiences to fully bloom, you should give each other strength in adversity getting over a breakup is difficult ive done my fair share of that over the teen years before I found my wife, the first thing you need to do is say "fuck it that piece of trash was never good enough for me anyway" start listening to some banging tunes and loose yourself in a book (fantasy always worked for me) then go out locally with someone (anyone you are friendly with, if you dont have any friends then just go to the local bar and hang out, dont get drunk though just have a few club soda's with maybe one beer for courage at the start of the night) you have to stop thinking about the guy you lost, start thinking about the future, what is your ideal partner, list out some stuff, dont even think about contacting anyone from your old friends circle and if your getting contact from any of them block their numbers, your not about to travel to see them so its pointless to waste time on any of it, if you do end up back there in the future (at least 6 months away) then you can chat with them face to face and be friendly, if people mail you then ignore it for a few months.. your suffering is mostly internal becasue it feels like the world fell out of your ass and left I giant void in your belly, stop thinking about him, put any pictures of him/them into a drawer so your not getting visual cues, they didnt die so dont treat them like they did, your a person so start acting like one, your body is a temple to be worshiped and needs looking after, look after it feed it properly (not with soda) do some exercise (you dont have to join a gym, just get one of those pilates/yoga videos - my wife does pi-yo to get a good workout- or if your into it then go running) drink plenty of water once your body is healthier your mind will start catching up, and remember if it doesnt kill you it makes you stronger, without pain there can be no gain, pain is the best teacher sicne you remember its lessons best, you dont need to become an athlete or show off for anyone else, just do regular excise and eat mostly healthier foods when at home (dont go crazy counting calories or anything like that, learn about what constitutes good food for the day to day and treat yourself whenever you feel like it safe in the knowledge that exercise will take care of it) you have the unenviable positions of not being able to rationalise due to emotion and its tearing you up so hopefully you will at least take in some of the things ive said,
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a tidy workspace is the sign of a deranged mind
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Post by nanotm on Dec 20, 2018 14:07:33 GMT
Also I question if his request for friendship is genuine or not. Because it wasn't like he was hanging out with me much so I feel like these might be hollow, empty words just to make himself feel like less of a bad guy. We'd be friends in name only and he wouldn't want to hang out with me unless I forced him to. uh I think its more that he's hoping to keep you as a booty call whenever your back home in case he doesnt have someone else around
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2018 21:57:19 GMT
This recent breakup was with my first love and apparently he broke up with me because I don't have the traits he wants in a woman. He first said that it was because we were incompatible and when I pressed him on it he said that what he meant by that was that I don't have the traits he wanted in a romantic partner. He refused to tell me what those traits were. Hit me pretty hard since one of my fears is not being good enough. So thanks for the salt in the wound. He also told me that he just fell out of love, but if what he told me is true I don't think he actually loved me, I think he loved the idea of me and so I haven't been truly loved yet. Not for myself, which hurts because I struggle with the idea that no one wants me. My first ex didn't love me and just viewed me as a sex object, (we didn't have sex though, thank god), and I allowed it because I didn't think I could do better. I never loved him either. The next guy, I thought he loved me and I loved him. The more I thought about it, I loved him because we had similar issues and struggles that I saw each other as kindred spirits. I've been suffering from depression and alienation from a mutual group of friends ever since. I've spent days eating one meal a day and sleeping 3 hours. When I told my ex that I wasn't sleeping well, he told me to reduce the amount of soda I was ingestinging like that was the reason for my lack of sleep. Yeah my soda intake certainly dropped since I was only having a meal once a day. I don't think my ex wanted to take my suffering seriously to avoid feeling guilty about it. I don't even think he believes that I'm hurt or in much pain, but I am and this pain has been eating me away for over two months. He said he wanted to be friends, and even said I could still come and see him. We were in a long distance relationship and it would cost me at least 2 or 3 hundred dollars. Not that that's been the real issue, I honestly just don't want to ever see him again in person. I don't even ever want to video chat. Hell, I already deleted all of his pictures. I'm not been sure if I even want to be or could be friends with him. Sometimes I'm so angry at him that I outright hate him and other times I'm just afraid that being friends with him is just going to hurt me. I've suffered, am suffering, and will suffer. I don't need more reasons to suffer. your ex is likely isolating them from you so you dont find out he was cheating on you, and he probably doesnt want anything to do with you again thif you do end up back there in the future (at least 6 months away) then you can chat with them face to face and be friendly, if people mail you then ignore it for a few months.. put any pictures of him/them into a drawer so your not getting visual cues, they didnt die so dont treat them like they did, your a person so start acting like one, your body is a temple to be worshiped and needs looking after, look after it feed it properly (not with soda) do some exercise (you dont have to join a gym, just get one of those pilates/yoga videos - my wife does pi-yo to get a good workout- or if your into it then go running) drink plenty of water once your body is healthier your mind will start catching up, you have the unenviable positions of not being able to rationalise due to emotion and its tearing you up so hopefully you will at least take in some of the things ive said,
No, it's actually because one of the friends has shown his true colors to me as being a the fresh, wet turd falling out of a pig's asshole who wants to exclude me. It actually isn't an intentional malicious act on my ex. Considering the guy has been doing nothing but playing League of Legends and other video games, I think he has been cheating on with one of the League of Legends girls.lol Guys is going to get a body pillow of one of them and marry it. The future my exs will have: Thankfully I will never be going back there again. I met this guy online. There is no reason for me to go to the city he lives outside of seeing him, which I'm not going to do because that is just going to hurt me. I have been exercising, going to counseling, and getting on antidepressants. I hate the taste of alcohol to go to bars. Oh I deleted all his pictures so I'm way ahead on that. I've been getting rid of all his shit that reminds me.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2018 21:58:30 GMT
Also I question if his request for friendship is genuine or not. Because it wasn't like he was hanging out with me much so I feel like these might be hollow, empty words just to make himself feel like less of a bad guy. We'd be friends in name only and he wouldn't want to hang out with me unless I forced him to. uh I think its more that he's hoping to keep you as a booty call whenever your back home in case he doesnt have someone else around We never had sex and we certainly never have sex now that we've broken up. He knows this.
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mousestalker
Inactive Moderator
ღ The Untitled
Just here for the cosplay
Staff Mini-Profile Theme: Mousestalker
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, Jade Empire, Mass Effect Andromeda, SWTOR
Posts: 12,116 Likes: 30,348
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ღ The Untitled
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Jan 31, 2024 11:38:50 GMT
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Just here for the cosplay
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Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, Jade Empire, Mass Effect Andromeda, SWTOR
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Post by mousestalker on Dec 20, 2018 22:13:09 GMT
Best thing to do is to get back on the horse and move on.
Put yourself out there to meet other men. It doesn't have to go anywhere if you aren't ready for it, but we all know that having someone interested in you is a nice boost and balm for your soul. Do something to get out and get active. Take a dance or exercise class, volunteer for a charity (I met some very nice people working with Habitat for Humanity and the local food bank), join a church singles group, take an evening class in something you might be interested in, join a hobby group such as a walking club or a cooking club, or do all of them.
If you are angry with your ex, harness your anger and get revenge by moving upwards and onwards. If you're wounded by what happened, salve your wounds by making better friends.
The point is to meet and mingle with other people and to do so safely. I've done the sitting at home brooding thing and it does no good. After a while it becomes horribly counter-productive.
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Fortifying everything.
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Jan 11, 2017 14:17:27 GMT
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doomlolz
Dragon Age Inquisition
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Dec 20, 2018 22:16:40 GMT
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Post by Son of Dorn on Dec 20, 2018 22:16:40 GMT
Pffft, relationships, who needs them.
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Sifr
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sifr
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, Jade Empire
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Post by Sifr on Dec 20, 2018 22:24:57 GMT
Considering the guy has been doing nothing but playing League of Legends and other video games, I think he has been cheating on with one of the League of Legends girls.lol Guys is going to get a body pillow of one of them and marry it.
I love video games as much as the next guy, but that's a pretty naff reason to break up with someone.
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TEH EVUL CREEP
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0
Sept 27, 2021 23:28:25 GMT
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BamBam the Destroyer
I hunt, therefore I am
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August 2016
jockcranley
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age Inquisition, Mass Effect Andromeda
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Post by BamBam the Destroyer on Dec 20, 2018 22:57:29 GMT
your ex is likely isolating them from you so you dont find out he was cheating on you, and he probably doesnt want anything to do with you again thif you do end up back there in the future (at least 6 months away) then you can chat with them face to face and be friendly, if people mail you then ignore it for a few months.. put any pictures of him/them into a drawer so your not getting visual cues, they didnt die so dont treat them like they did, your a person so start acting like one, your body is a temple to be worshiped and needs looking after, look after it feed it properly (not with soda) do some exercise (you dont have to join a gym, just get one of those pilates/yoga videos - my wife does pi-yo to get a good workout- or if your into it then go running) drink plenty of water once your body is healthier your mind will start catching up, you have the unenviable positions of not being able to rationalise due to emotion and its tearing you up so hopefully you will at least take in some of the things ive said,
No, it's actually because one of the friends has shown his true colors to me as being a the fresh, wet turd falling out of a pig's asshole who wants to exclude me. It actually isn't an intentional malicious act on my ex. Considering the guy has been doing nothing but playing League of Legends and other video games, I think he has been cheating on with one of the League of Legends girls.lol Guys is going to get a body pillow of one of them and marry it. The future my exs will have: Thankfully I will never be going back there again. I met this guy online. There is no reason for me to go to the city he lives outside of seeing him, which I'm not going to do because that is just going to hurt me. I have been exercising, going to counseling, and getting on antidepressants. I hate the taste of alcohol to go to bars. Oh I deleted all his pictures so I'm way ahead on that. I've been getting rid of all his shit that reminds me. Ouch.
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Coronavirus
N3
Prince Charmless
I will save BioWare
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Mass Effect Andromeda
Posts: 441 Likes: 642
inherit
Prince Charmless
10684
0
642
Coronavirus
I will save BioWare
441
Dec 16, 2018 18:47:15 GMT
December 2018
roguetrader
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Mass Effect Andromeda
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Post by Coronavirus on Dec 20, 2018 23:04:33 GMT
Pffft, relationships, who needs them. Apparently not half this forum. Never seen so many nihilists in all my life
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Jan 25, 2017 20:52:04 GMT
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a tidy workspace is the sign of a deranged mind
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Aug 20, 2016 19:53:16 GMT
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nanotm
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, Mass Effect Andromeda
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Post by nanotm on Dec 21, 2018 0:10:54 GMT
Pffft, relationships, who needs them. all relationships are good on some level, even the bad ones have there good points (like teaching you something you otherwise wouldn't have learnt...) but good relationships can be epic, things that would crush a single person are endurable due to having someone on the emotional rollercoaster with you... and then there are the quality phrases that somehow always ring true, a friend in need is a friend indeed... since its so hard to admit you need help and then ask for it... friendships (relationships) are about give and take, you cannot only do one... to me despite the trials that relationships can bring warmth and joy, and whilst you could protect yourself through isolation your missing out on all the good stuff besides how can you laugh at people being dumbasses if you hide away from it all
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Son of Dorn
Fortifying everything.
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Jan 11, 2017 14:17:27 GMT
January 2017
doomlolz
Dragon Age Inquisition
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Break Ups
Dec 21, 2018 0:14:56 GMT
via mobile
Post by Son of Dorn on Dec 21, 2018 0:14:56 GMT
Pffft, relationships, who needs them. all relationships are good on some level, even the bad ones have there good points (like teaching you something you otherwise wouldn't have learnt...) but good relationships can be epic, things that would crush a single person are endurable due to having someone on the emotional rollercoaster with you... and then there are the quality phrases that somehow always ring true, a friend in need is a friend indeed... since its so hard to admit you need help and then ask for it... friendships (relationships) are about give and take, you cannot only do one... to me despite the trials that relationships can bring warmth and joy, and whilst you could protect yourself through isolation your missing out on all the good stuff besides how can you laugh at people being dumbasses if you hide away from it all Oh, I've been in a relationship before. Did not much care for it then, don't care for it now.
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Red
I'm frozen to the bones, I am. A million miles from home, I'm walking away.
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Aug 26, 2016 16:33:03 GMT
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red
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Jade Empire
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Post by Red on Dec 21, 2018 1:06:39 GMT
Pffft, relationships, who needs them. I wish I could think like you.
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Fortifying everything.
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doomlolz
Dragon Age Inquisition
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Dec 21, 2018 1:14:34 GMT
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Post by Son of Dorn on Dec 21, 2018 1:14:34 GMT
Pffft, relationships, who needs them. I wish I could think like you. Well, it took quite a bit of mental pain to get that viewpoint across. Then again I was 18 when that sunk in (about 15 years ago).
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Dark Helmet
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mybudgee
Fear is your only God
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Sept 2, 2016 20:20:11 GMT
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mybudgee
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, KOTOR, Jade Empire
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Post by mybudgee on Dec 21, 2018 7:00:53 GMT
Pffft, relationships, who needs them. I wish I could think like you.It isn't all that difficult ... all you need to do is live by the Mantra "Expect the worst, but hope for the best" This means LIVE by, not just pose or pretend or claim to. Hoping for the best means simply not giving up on your very slim chance at finding a decent person who will stand by you and be loyal, at least for a while. This is the easy part. Expecting the worst is the real trick, because it stings initially. Badly. You must accept the fact that people are basically awful, selfish, lustful, shallow beasts. You must let go of all the naive bullshit you've been indoctrinated with since you could walk about "romance", chivalry, true love, monogamy, marriage, all of it. For 95% of the population, these concepts are simply not realistic, especially in this contemporary society. We are all too self-important & narcissistic for any good, valuable relationship to happen to us. The reason is simply two things; our self-perpetuating egos & our constant desire for instant gratification. These aspects of modern life counter the values on which a strong relationship can be built on, which is already a long shot. Wake up kids. The dream is over. Time to get ready to die alone Oh & Happy Holidays!!
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Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Jade Empire, Mass Effect Andromeda
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Post by Lavochkin on Dec 21, 2018 11:07:52 GMT
My first ex didn't love me and just viewed me as a sex object, (we didn't have sex though, thank god), and I allowed it because I didn't think I could do better. I never loved him either. The next guy, I thought he loved me and I loved him. The more I thought about it, I loved him because we had similar issues and struggles that I saw each other as kindred spirits. So he viewed you as a sex object but you two didn't even have sex? Wait what? How does that work?
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Break Ups
Dec 21, 2018 11:36:05 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2018 11:36:05 GMT
My first ex didn't love me and just viewed me as a sex object, (we didn't have sex though, thank god), and I allowed it because I didn't think I could do better. I never loved him either. The next guy, I thought he loved me and I loved him. The more I thought about it, I loved him because we had similar issues and struggles that I saw each other as kindred spirits. So he viewed you as a sex object but you two didn't even have sex? Wait what? How does that work? Blow jobs. I couldn't have sex because I couldn't get pills and I swatted away any attempted he made just using a condom or putting it in my butt.
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Praise the Justicat!
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Post by Pounce de León on Dec 21, 2018 12:53:58 GMT
Pffft, relationships, who needs them. And I thought you like me!
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Son of Dorn
Fortifying everything.
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Jan 11, 2017 14:17:27 GMT
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doomlolz
Dragon Age Inquisition
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Break Ups
Dec 21, 2018 12:57:55 GMT
via mobile
Post by Son of Dorn on Dec 21, 2018 12:57:55 GMT
Pffft, relationships, who needs them. And I thought you like me! Only for the asari worshipers we steal from you! 😋 Speaking of which... *grabs two asari and drags them away to be eaten*
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Praise the Justicat!
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Post by Pounce de León on Dec 21, 2018 12:58:55 GMT
And I thought you like me! Only for the asari worshipers we steal from you! 😋 Speaking of which... *grabs two asari and drags them away to be eaten*
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Son of Dorn
Fortifying everything.
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Jan 11, 2017 14:17:27 GMT
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doomlolz
Dragon Age Inquisition
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Dec 21, 2018 13:00:54 GMT
via mobile
Post by Son of Dorn on Dec 21, 2018 13:00:54 GMT
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Champion of Kirkwall
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Aug 25, 2016 20:05:11 GMT
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Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquistion, KOTOR, Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights, Jade Empire
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Post by Sifr on Dec 21, 2018 13:03:50 GMT
Huh... did anyone else just wonder if a Reaperfied Vorcha would look like Venom?
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Praise the Justicat!
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Post by Pounce de León on Dec 21, 2018 13:04:37 GMT
Huh... did anyone else just wonder if a Reaperfied Vorcha would look like Venom? Ye, and it just shouted "WE LEAVE!"
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Fortifying everything.
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Jan 11, 2017 14:17:27 GMT
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doomlolz
Dragon Age Inquisition
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Post by Son of Dorn on Dec 21, 2018 13:05:35 GMT
Huh... did anyone else just wonder if a Reaperfied Vorcha would look like Venom? Damn, BioWare’s stealing our likeness. We will sue!
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Coronavirus
N3
Prince Charmless
I will save BioWare
Games: Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Mass Effect Andromeda
Posts: 441 Likes: 642
inherit
Prince Charmless
10684
0
642
Coronavirus
I will save BioWare
441
Dec 16, 2018 18:47:15 GMT
December 2018
roguetrader
Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age Inquisition, KOTOR, Mass Effect Andromeda
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Post by Coronavirus on Dec 21, 2018 13:12:39 GMT
I don’t really want to talk about this because it’s still raw but when Red left me for a twitch streamer called candy, it really upset me so much. Red was kind, tender, emotional and he loved to cry during movies like the Notebook. It was sooooo cute. But now he has chlamydia so swings and roundabouts.
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Mr. Rump
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Apr 24, 2024 10:22:15 GMT
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Mass Effect Trilogy, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Jade Empire, Mass Effect Andromeda
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Post by Lavochkin on Dec 21, 2018 14:00:55 GMT
So he viewed you as a sex object but you two didn't even have sex? Wait what? How does that work? Blow jobs. I couldn't have sex because I couldn't get pills and I swatted away any attempted he made just using a condom or putting it in my butt. That's... a more blunt answer than i was expecting, but i understand now .
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