What did you do today in ME?

This Asari and Elcor show what happens when you forget to write down things.



Favorite Quote:

Asari: "Wait, did you hack your translator so you can control your kinetic language processing?"

Elcor: "With a sincerity such that skepticism would be deeply insulting: no."

Is that Shepard in Andromeda?

Nah, that's Horizon.

If she continues spinning like that, she'll arrive faster than the arks there.

Yeah. We can't even say that this conversation aboard the Normandy feature was being worked on for a DLC, since Leviathan already had done it. 

Come to think of it, Omega DLC seems a bit odd to me. You don't have that mistery that is Leviathan and the Reapers' origins or even the fun that Citadel DLC has. It has a failed terror part (Adjutant, that were just cannon fodder, even on Insanity), a part where you "turn" Aria to the good, spare Petrovsky and be more kind to Omega citizens, or the opposite, where those decisions aren't even worth to the main game (Apart from War Assets), because she returns to the CITADEL of all places after having her station reclaimed. Plus, the whole glitches where she keeps spinning, lack of a soundtrack, background sound/crowd noise during the speech or even proper-timed lines (as in long pauses between one sentence and other)

To me, the DLC feels incomplete as it was released, but Bioware had to maintain a deadline or something like that because it was already pushed to DLC portion instead of being part of the main game, which was sorta teased in the Invasion comic.

Soooo, here it comes more!



*Variations:

- Punching her for the first time here, Shepard will say he wanted to do that before.

- Shepard mentioning his background (in the case of the video, a Spacer) - Paragon - Council not saved.

- Al-Jilani pressing the matter if Paragon/Renegade options aren't chosen: "Will there be an investigation into your mistakes, Shepard? Justice for the lives you lost?"

- Mention of Virmire death. "I had to leave a friend and crewmate in a nuclear fireball on a planet you've never even heard of."

- Shepard remembers the lost: Shenyang, Emden, Jakarta, Cairo, Seoul, Cape Town, Warsaw and Madrid - Paragon - Council Saved.

I finally stopped procrastinating and started writing again, and this was the (really long) result. I still have more to write.


Barbara "Barbie" Shepard...


Barbie: (thinking out loud, because of course she is) So this is Anderson's apartment? Sweet! LET'S TRASH

IT! Ugh, where is that beeping coming from? Oh hey, a button next to a flashing light.

Anderson: Shepard, you made it!

Barbie: Mr. Andersmith! How are you doing?

Anderson: Surviving, mostly. How do you like the apartment?

Barbie: Great so far.

Anderson: You want it, it's yours. Take it off my hands.

Barbie: Oh wow, great!

Anderson: That's all. Anderson out. (logs out)

Barbie: Wait,... if this is my apartment, does that mean I can't trash it now?

Terminal: You have a new message.

Barbie: Already? (reads message) Oh I love sushi!

* * *

Joker: I was about to order some drinks. You want anything?

Barbie: Something with a lot of alcohol, caffeine, and sugar.

Joker: Has anyone ever told you that you're strange?

Barbie: No. Usually they just call me crazy, mad, insane,... you know.

Joker: Not really. Anyway, your message said you had something important?

Barbie: My message? I'm here because I got a message from you.

Joker: I didn't send a message.

Brooks: Commander!

Joker: I don't think that's the drink lady.

Barbie: You sure? She's wearing a uniform.

Brooks: Commander! I'm Staff Analyst Brooks, from the Alliance.

Barbie: Are you here to bring us drinks?

Brooks: What? No!

Barbie: (to Joker) She's not the drink lady.

Joker: I kind of figured that out.

Barbie: (to Brooks) Calm down, take a deep breath.

Brooks: (deep breath)

Barbie: Take another deep breath.

Brooks: (deep breath)

Barbie: Now hyperventilate!

Brooks: (short, shallow breaths) Oh god, now I'm feeling lightheaded.

Barbie: I know, right!? You should try it with helium sometime!

Brooks: Look, Commander, someone is trying to kill you.

Barbie: You mean the Reapers?

Brooks: No.

Barbie: Cerberus?

Brooks: No.

Barbie: The Geth?

Brooks: No.

Barbie: Blue Suns? Blood Pack? Elipse?

Brooks: No, no, and no.

Barbie: Some other merc band?

Brooks: No. Well maybe. Look, will you stop for a minute and let me explain?

CAT6 goon 1: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Tonight's entertainment is brought to you by Random Acts of

Violence!

Barbie: Oh I love that band!

... shots fired ...

CAT6 goon 1: I love showbiz! Spread out boys. Find me Shepard!

Barbie: Brooks, stay down!

CAT6 goon 2: (grabbing Brooks) Got one, sir!

CAT6 goon 1: Is it Shepard?

CAT6 goon 2: No.

CAT6 goon 1: I said find me Shepard, and you grab someone who isn't Shepard. Are you stupid, or just dense?

CAT6 goon 2: Is that a trick question?

Barbie: (to Joker) Quick, go find the crew.

Joker: Find the crew. Got it. (walks off)

Barbie: Look at that ass!

Joker: What?

CAT6 goon 3: (seeing Joker) Hey!

Barbie: (narrating her actions) Grab! Stab!

Joker: You used me as bait!

Barbie: (still narrating) Run! Cover! Grab! Stab!

Brooks: Commander!

Barbie: Don't worry, I got ya!

... Another CAT6 goon drops in. Brooks pushes Barbie out of the way, gets shot by CAT6 goon. CAT6 goon

shoots the floor out from under Barbie ...

Barbie: (falling) Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (breath) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

(lands on floor hard) That's going to leave a bruise.

Brooks: Commander, are you all right?

Barbie: Yup feeling good! Brooks, you got shot.

Brooks: Yes, but I slapped some medi-gel on it. Well, all of it, actually. And now everything is a bit

bouncy.

Barbie: I know, right? It's a great feeling! I feel like that all the time!

Brooks: So where are you now? Do you see anything?

Barbie: I'm running across rooftops. I see a car lot across the street. Cision Motors.

Brooks: Let's check the map,... ah! Cision Motors!

Barbie: That's what I said!

Brooks: Dummysaywhat?

Barbie: What?

BrookS: You dummy!

Barbie: Oh I fell for that again!

Brooks: Remind me to get you to ask me about updog.

Barbie: What's updog?

Brooks: Not much. What's up with you? (giggles) Oh, I think that medi-gel is getting to my head. Anyway,

stay off the comms, I think that's how they're tracking you. Except for me of course.

Barbie: Got it!

CAT6 merc: Keep on the lookout for Shepard. She's supposed to be headed this way.

Barbie: (dropping down and shooting like a maniac) Stealth kill! Stealth kill! Stealth kill!

CAT6 merc: That's not how stealth works!

Barbie: Grab! Stab!

CAT6 sniper: Smoke bomb!

Barbie: Frag Grenade!

Liara: Shepard, what's going on over there?

Barbie: Get over here! You're missing all the fun!

Brooks: Get off the comms! You're putting Commander Shepard in danger!

Barbie: I love Danger!

Liara: Who is this?

Barbie: That's Staff Analyst Brooks. Brooks, that's Liara, my Asari!

Liara: (audible groan)

Barbie: Hey I just realized I can change your name to Staff Anal Is Brooks!

Brooks: How original. Where are you now?

Barbie: I'm at a door, but it's locked down.

Brooks: Right, because of the... lockdown. Can you override it?

Barbie: Already done!

CAT6 merc: Who's stupid idea was it to take a 'shortcut' over the walkway?

CAT6 moron: Shut up.

Barbie: Stealth kill! Stealth kill! Stealth kill!

Another CAT6 idiot: I can't believe Shepard got past the walkway. Those guys are idiots.

Barbie: Best sushi dinner ever! (kills the rest of the mercs)

Liara: Having a bad day, Shepard?

Barbie: No, this is fun! Send me more goons!

Liara: This way.

... CAT6 mercs show up in a C-Sec shuttle, start shooting ...

Barbie: Get down! (pushes Liara to safety)

Wrex: Cannonball! (drops down on shuttle, kills mercs)

Barbie: Aw, you stole my kills!

Wrex: Yeah, well, it was a cutscene. What are you going to do?

Barbie: You're fat.

... explosion, more CAT6 mercs pour in ...

Wrex: Finally, more fighting!

Barbie: Yay, more fighting!

Liara: Joker, get us out of here!

Joker: I'll be there soon. I'm just following the sounds of gunfire.

Barbie: Take your time!

Joker: I'm here. Get in the shuttle! (Barbie keeps fighting) Hurry up and get in the shuttle! (Barbie keeps

fighting) Shepard!

Barbie: But... more guys to shoot!

Joker: We don't have all day!

Barbie: You sure? They'll run out of men eventually.

Joker: This is an endless spawn wave. They'll never end.

Barbie: Let me try!

Joker: Just get in, before they destroy the shuttle.

Barbie: Okay fine.

Brooks: I think I'm going to be sick.

Barbie: Ooh! Aim it at Wrex!

Wrex: Don't you dare!

Brooks: (throws up)

Wrex: Ew!

Barbie: Bullseye!

* * *

Brooks: Who were those guys? They had guns, and those drone things! And I got shot! I specifically took a

desk job not to get shot!

Barbie: Who doesn't want to get shot?

Everyone else in the room: We don't!

Barbie: You're all weird.

Wrex: Never seen a pistol like that before. For such a tiny thing, it really packs a punch.

Barbie: It's heavy though. Liara, use it to find out who those guys were. I want to fight more of them.

Brooks: We're going to need help though.

Joker: I found help!

EDI: I just came to see the apartment.

Garrus: Same here.

Cortez: I flew the shuttle.

James: I'm hoping there's beer here. We're all out on the Normandy.

Javik: I grow tired of shooting Reapers. I want to shoot primitives.

Ashley: I was already in the shuttle and now I need to go to the bathroom.

Kaiden: (still dead on Virmire)

Ooh, this reminds me of something: Mordin was originally a Biotic and does have line of dialogue for that.

I believe that hidden audio/cut content was actually the inspiration for having Mordin say that in my little write-up.

I'm trying to catch up on the last Barbie Shepard mission, but I'm struggling. I'm hoping to get it done shortly so I can get back to actually playing the game.

It sounded so weird hearing Mordin saying that!!!! 

Never seen that particular glitch before, but I have had the game occasionally glitch out during specific segments that require a reload. They're rare, thankfully.