The Mass Effect PUNiverse (v2)

Did you know Legion is the most sacred character in ME2?...
It's the most holy thing seen on the Normandy.

What type of special sausage does Kaidan eat?...
Chor-eezo.

If Kai Leng used a regular gun, I think he would use a... sawed off shotgun.

Did you know that the Geth evolve when they fall in love and become a couple?...
They become primates.


Jacob decided to settle down and find a new job.
He was initially unsure whether to try detective work but all the potential priiiiies were too tempting.


Did you know that Quarians start to drink at an early age?...
From birth, they prefer to have some bubbly around them.

When Cerberus troops want a change of profession, they tend to become go-go-go dancers.

Samantha couldn't go into the nightclub because of... no traynors allowed policy.


What did Shepard say when Kelly asked him on a date?...
Yeo-man


Did you hear about the story of Jack chatting with vegetables?...
It's when Jack and the beans talked.


Why did Blasto become even more famous after visiting Helena in the US?...
He became Hanar Montana

Emily decided news reporting wasn't for her and she wanted to become an author instead.
To stand out of the crowd, she decided to clone herself.
This ended in failure though as every publisher said the same... that two Wongs don't make a writer.

What did Shepard say while firing frozen bullets at enemies swimming in the stream?...
Cryo me a river

Why am I not allowed to be funny on the Volus homeworld?...
Because Irune jokes!

Gabby asks her partner if he can fix something. How does he reply?...
"No Ken do"

What do you call a group of mechanical ganders?...
Lo-geese

Hey that robot is playing the music too quietly
Yes sir, it's the low key model.

What is the nickname for the luckiest Russian at Flux?...
Qua-czar

Who is Mordin's favourite trilogy character?...
I think it's the Salarian outside Flux because Mordin said that he wants to be around/see Schells.

Who are you likely to see at Grissom Academy at Xmas time?...
Kahlee Santas


Why is it important to wear armor at this time of the year?...
To get a elf boost at Xmas


Did you hear, Subject Zero decided to retire. She now grows and sells her own GM vegetables. What is her most popular brand?...
The Jacket potato


What liquor is the most popular on the planet where we first meet Liara?...
The - rum


What was the most popular wrestling match in the Mass Effect universe?...
Hulk Krogan vs The Elcor-ate Warrior


What is the most popular card game on Tuchanka?...
Bakara-t

What would you find in a Phantom Cerberus aquarium?...
A lot of sword-fishes

What is the favourite alcoholic drink at C-sec?...
Baileys

What happens when you try to take a photo of ME2 ammo?...
The picture... clips

Which Biblical book teaches you how to use the M-920?...
Cain and able

So I just need to get this out of my system 

I was thinking of ABBA and how some their songs would be interpreted in the Mass Effect setting. Here are a couple of songs that might work:

•  Dancing Qui'in
•  Chi-chatika    
  
•  Voulez-volus
•  Gethme, Gethme, Gethme (a man after midnight)

How do the Asari describe noughts and crosses?...
Biotic tac toe.

What happens if you play ME2 in French and you end up activating the geth?...
You end up joining the French Foreign Legion.

Did you hear... a Disney film was adapted for the Quarian homeworld and one of the admirals had a starring role. What was the film called?...
FroXen

I think Dr Coré is the best mercenary... eva.

What car manufacturer can be found on Thessia?...
Fornasari

How does a ring announcer introduce the champion of the Angaran ice planet?...
The heavyweight champion of the Voooeeeeld

Did you hear that the Angaran on the tempest is a good chef. What type of peppers does he use for his cooking?...
Jaalapenos

Where will you find the mysterious Andromeda race?...
I'm not sure but I think looking in a french garden might be a clue. You know... le Jardaan

How does Angaran enemies flee the scene of a crime?...
They use Kettaway drivers

What do you call a Palaven leader in charge of 100 men?
A centurian

What games console is the most popular in the Afterlife?...
The Omega Drive

What do you call a reaper that eats all the time in a short timespan?...
Harbinger Eater
(A reaper drinking a large amount of alcohol in a short timespan would be a Harbinger drinker)

What do you call a Shepard who uses the M7 rifle all the time?...
Lancerlot

I was going to make a pun about Al-Jilani...
but I can never think of the punch line.

Did you know that the Salarian director in Andromeda likes to go to the beach to practice his speech writing?...
He goes there to improve his Tann lines.
(Tann also doesn't like to walk, he likes Ja-run)

Did you hear that the Krogan engineer in Andromeda is not on the payroll.
Rumour has it that she avoid paying taxes by getting paid Kesh in hand.

What is the most popular deodorant among Krogan/Turian (especially after the Reapers invaded)?...
Brut

I think Tali was born between the 20th January and the 18th February because then she would be Aquarian.