You're So Punny (The Unapologetic Pun Appreciation Thread)

I went out to buy some groceries but I realized I forgot my Chopin Liszt so I went Bach home to get it. I obviously can't Handel these difficult situations from being under so much Strauss, at times it just makes me feel Pathetique and I feel like Haydn away. I would go out for some Rainbow Schubert ice cream to make me feel better but I can't afford such luxuries, I'm baroque enough as it is.

Just needed to get that off my chest.

I once fell in love, but I got up again.
I don't play ball, though I smoke chain. If i ever do both call me crazy.

My cell is broken, it bytes. But I had sum bubble gum, now I am outta it. Back on cigarettes, have to dance around the elephant in the room. It was pink for sum time, guess Dumbo Me got shitfaced too often.

Have to stop writing before I sneeze red, and my green eyes turn blue.

+smile+

Christmas puns:

Did you hear about the shouting eunuch who pelted people as they went by?...
He was heard screaming: "I've got snowballs!"

What is the main problem with buying the Christmas tree from a drug dealer?...
You get too many needles everywhere.

Why does Father Christmas have to deliver presents every year?...
It's in his contract under the santa clause.

I like to play 'Crazy Crazy Nights' near the front door at Christmas because it encourages Kiss under the mistletoe. 

One of Santa's reindeer is a regular dancer when travelling the world. When they go back home, this reindeer turns into a pole dancer.

 

New Year is just around the corner and I heard it's a good day for a first date.

Most cities around the world have amazing firework displays but New York always drops the ball.

Remember to raise your left leg during the countdown because you want to start the new year on the right foot.

People looking ahead to the following year have 20/20 vision.

^^ Making bread puns is risky because they could go a rye. 

There must be some butter puns around, so I'll keep thinking. 

Gluten thing I at yeast get a rise out of this...

I've tried, once, to make some butter puns, but the Margarine for error is too big. 

Yogurt some good ideas there, but ... dairy I say it... it does seem that you may be milking it a bit by just churning out more and more.

You may think that makes seem cultured, but it actually sounds sour. You're sweet at the bottom but you really ought to mix it up more.

Makes one think whether the Punic Wars weren't really about bad wordplays.