Post by regack on May 17, 2017 13:49:32 GMT
Let's write some crazy nonsense together!
Rules for the four-word story are pretty simple, I'll start off by saying four words to start telling a story and each post contributes four more words. Read what's been written and try to make something cohesive, or just add some nonsense, it'll be up to you to decide how you want to contribute. I'll probably summarize everything in a spoiler at some point.
The story so far in the spoiler tags: (with a few punctuation fixes and edits for dramatic effect here and there)...
Chapter 1:
Lightning crashed down upon Tom Hardy's gorgeous face leaving him beautifully scarred. Waiting for a nymph, from that moment on, he was an actor. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. The knocking grew louder as SAM reported a mail delivery via the Tempest email console. "Liar!" It was a sham, orchestrated by Peebee to make Pathfinder Ryder come on Vetra's back while the sea turtles watched.
Tom Hardy burst in yelling, "WHY ARE YOU CORRUPTING THESE SEA TURTLES!? THEY'RE ONLY FIFTEEN, BOSH'TETS! Won't somebody think of contacting the proper authorities to warn them about Suvi eating Heleus flora? That damn Scottish girl will kill herself this way, unless someone prevents it. Maybe Sara Ryder? But she's still in (a) coma after Meridian. Bad luck Sara. How about waking up already, Specialist?"
"Tom Hardy can wake next to me every 30 minutes or so." said Gil over the intercom as he dug into his fish and chips, but choked as he realized he's sleepy because he was watching Liam and Jaal spar over Vetra's sticky back. He almost threw up, but swallowed it back. It tasted of nutrient-paste and Kallo's tongue. He worshiped that damn Salarian and his kissing skills.
Salarians kiss just like Tom Hardy because he licks his own eyes. A professional, in that his tears were salty, so he licks them and lusts for @galaxyshimmers. She fucking approves greatly, (and) she approves fucking greatly, and stalks him daily, greatly approving of fucking. GalaxyShimmers and Tom (were) back on the floor, ripping their clothes off (when) suddenly Kallo showed up and undressed himself too.
"Fertilise my eggs Tom!" (Kallo pleaded.)
"WHAT THE FUCK KALLO!" (GalaxyShimmers exclaimed!)
"That I can do." (Tom approved.)
Galaxy Shimmers felt like watching Kallo and Tom put kilts on and lick Vetra's sticky back, but instead the two reenact a Scottish porno with Gil sucking haggis. Haggis, as everyone knows, enhances the male erection, especially (when) made by Suvi. But then, Galaxy Shimmers began stroking Tom's bulge. Now that Kallo left to film himself masturbating.
Chapter 2:
Suvi covered her eyes as Kallo began fondling Sara Ryder's unconscious body. He realized Scott was also unconscious... smiling, he heard Suvi yell "NO!" because she wanted Scott to stir her haggis. Kallo and Suvi mounted Vetra's sticky back and proceeded to do things like calibrating and polishing using reach and flexibility despite not being Turians. Weeks later, they emerged exhausted, their genitals broken but their spirits high. They thought on what had transpired by. The innocence of their love shrouded by their deviancy, faded away like the (/a) sun-bleached and weathered facade. But new hope sprung, Suvi was now pregnant.
Kallo was not ready to go to war. He forgot his pants and his sanity as he fumbled around the god damn Mako. Meanwhile, Vetra had cleaned the stains out of her sticky back grooves. The goo was sentient and bright green. Scott fucked and ate it like a true caveman. His feet were swollen, and lacked toes. The alien goo had caused pregnancy of Jacob's reincarnation. Miranda was jealous and searched for comfort from her large jiggly butt. Jack had her period and was the only one aboard Normandy with a bloody moon cup.
Back in the Andromeda (Galaxy) the team was contemplating where are the scumbags who came aboard yesterday and why is Cora naked all of a sudden and touching herself while it is breakfast time. She put the spoon in her coffee cup, and groaning with satisfaction, reached over the table and wondered, since Kallo smelled her finger?
Lexi bought herself a cute maid outfit for a night with Drack. Peebee got horny too, but she was surprised when her boy toy broke. Now she has to ride the Ryder on top of cheese-wheels without wine; The tragedy!
Moaning and drilling became disturbing for the rest especially our poor Otter, for Otter's pineapple pizza. From out of nowhere, the sea turtles returned. They were hungry from birthing Suvi's child and prepared to devour entire cryotubes full of wriggling nymphs. They took out their pants and smiled.
Chapter 3:
Seven dominant tacos became completely emasculated when a Mcdonalds made mcnuggets superior, flew into Vetra's face, and made out French style, with tongues.
Meanwhile, Batman had problems finding his kilt and sporran, so the caped crusader went to his local Wal-Mart and bought some pink undies and trousers to strip off for the Highland Games in (the) spank the monkey competition. Last year, Cora won one true Scotswoman's attention. Her name was Stephanie, and she liked hairy women to sit on her 'roadside' until early morning dancing to the moon. Two pale moons sone through the cloudy mists; Pale moons were buttocks.
"What a plot twist!", said George Takei, as Shater said, "Oh My!" And then Spock said, "I have special eyes!" as he looked around.
"Highly illogical." he said. "My penis is entirely made of jelly tots."
Sulu's eyes lit up at the sight of Spock's elongated gelatinous cock which was dripping with sugar on Sulu's chest. At that very moment the censors arrived with lawyers from Paramount Studios and Bones McCoy in a onesie. Screaming, he swore, "Dammit, Jim! I'm no longer sharing cocaine!" He sniffled nervously and his nostril fell off with blood gushing from every facial orifice. "Cocaine is a hell of a drug."
Chapter 4:
The computer started making weird noises while the censors (sensors?) began calibrating the cocaine toxicity. It was the purest sugar i came across. Frank Lucas would have the shadow spanked till she dropped the heroin and stopped wearing hats. While cutting the product her heavenly bosom blossomed, spilling out of her well organized fanny pack. National Geographic titties have never hung so low. You can tie them in a noose or around your lover's neck like a silk scarf or like saggy airbags. Either way, it's titties on Nanny's face.
He sucks on the areola biting lightly the nipple making the owner wince. Her nipple ring was hooked on Nanny's tongue, for it was also pierced. The piercings intertwined making it difficult for speaking his safeword as the titties started whipping his teeth making him wish he had flossed. Nanny began scratching his life sized Lincoln doll to bring him luck but instead, the doll punched him in the bathroom, and stole his pack of flavoured condoms.
Without Nanny's condoms Madonna decided to adopt another BSN orphan. His name was Nightman and he loves eating pizza with extra cheese and fresh tuna straight from the magical rivers of Narnia. Many Narnians died to protect those rivers from Cammy's horny turtle migration and the Kett hunters. @cammy sent the turtles to begin the invasion of the Kett Empire with their shells waxed, they marched to war bringing with them many dildos of (m)ass destruction that would rip Kett's posteriors a new one.
The turtles then began digging ejaculate filled trenches to keep their shells moisturised and looking fabulous and slick to prevent Hammerstorm's hairy Viking longboat from tarnishing when he sailed in Otter's watery domain. An envious perk for working at IKEA and staging full frontal impressions of Magic Mike as a distraction during salad tossing Saturday sessions and licking dressing off the naked buttocks of a highly energetic and dastardly muppet called Fumbles.
Meanwhile, the Kett were self immolating and fondling pineapples as he (they) gave Tom Cruise one last chance at spreading his Scientology bullshit to Regack and to all.
"Fuck you Tom!"
Regack grabbed Tom by the ears and swung him around using his body like A wrecking ball. She slammed him violently against a concrete wall repeatedly. Regack's cheering fans appeared to watch Tom turn into a battered, bloody, broken pile of flesh tossing him aside, after he became completely unrecognisable.
"'GackSAM, what is happening?"
"Temperatures are falling, Serza"
Chapter 5 : Finding the Temple of the Dog
RJ MacReady walked the antarctic camp in nothing but his longjohns and bunny slippers next to the camp, was an icy boulder with a face carved roughly into it. The boulder resembled an idol oddly shaped like a woman with eight breasts. Which was an odd tribute to fertility and the nourishment of life. MacReady touched the boulder and felt his arm tingle with passionate electricity. He pushed the boulder over with incredible ease. There was a secret to this idol. It (revealed a) passage lined with bio-luminescent Tom Hardy clones who could be heard eerily tuning up their violins. MacReady descended to the bottom of the passage. A faint, amethyst glow from Vetra's sticky back splashed the chamber with an iridescent radiance, revealing sparkling jewels that were embedded in the rocky surface. He plucked one only to find that there was a heartbeat throbbing in the rock.
Could this be the offspring of a golem?
"ROCKS FALL, EVERYONE DIES!" said the Tom Hardy (clones) "Activate pre-Massively thread release! There can be only one ring to rule!"
Tom Hardy and his ever growing collection of cleaning arab princesses were a gift fromthis Uncle Buck and Aunt Heloise from Michigan. Suddenly there was a scuffling and the heavens opened releasing a torrent of tanned ex baywatch stars with Jason Momoa landing on Pam`s silicon tits. He flopped around like a fish on dry (land) with some olive oil rubbed on his hairy, girly, and unmanly arms, and (his) noodle legs buckled and he fell. Something smelled strongly of cheese.
@vella was around and violently erupted like an exploding squeeze cheese can. The remains of vella became the sacred ashes that cured impotence. Now all men saluted when cheese was brought to the winter solstice sacrifice; Havarti...had by all. The celebration was a Gouda and Cheddar event. There was one special guest of honor that was Vetra's sticky back. She had flexibility but Tom's clone had reach. (The) Tempest smelled of cheese. The crew was delirious. Lexi got all tipsy from sniffing Stilton and sipping an expensive wine. She had a way to redeem her innocence and camouflage the stink that drove Drack insane, for the famous Krogan was a cheese addict.
"RAWR! I want Camembert!", he bellowed out, loudly, and swung his mighty axe onto the table.
The table split in half, the cheese had swung onto Vetra's spiky Mattock, not her back. Meanwhile, Kallo was consumed (with) a growing feeling of wanting to eat flies, and began searching the air for dragons but could only find a tiny salamander. Kallo stared at the tiny creature that that burst into flames.
"Oh god!" he screamed as Nightman emerged from under the table. He had escaped Madonna's dungeon.
Looking at Kallo he said, "your people used to be smaller. Where is Sten? He is tall, and wears a kilt which makes Suvi drooling because she wants Sara to make a sandwich wearing nothing but socks and a kilt. @meetyournanny was relieved to have found some new shades that shielded his eyes. The future was bright, from the atrocity that turned out to be abundant pineapple on pizza.
Chapter 6 :
A giant space amoeba at that exact moment decided to invade the domain of R'lyeh where Peter Dinklage was creating a vanilla Crème brûlée. Meanwhile kittens appeared from the Stargate, dressedlike ready to conquer Andromeda (and) curbstomp the Kett and (but) they found puppies instead.
(In that) instant cat fight ensued involving Cora and Peebee and it wasn't pretty. They started ripping their bra`s and undies while fur flew everywhere around Kralla's Song making it impossible to see. Singing was so loud that the neighbors complained to Otter about the drilling, but Otter wasn't moved. She cranked the heater. This was Otter's domain, she was ready to fight.
Ignoring complaints from neighbours who were really tired and smelly like cheese, Otter donned her armour, strapped on her sword, and jumped into (the) water - only to sink quickly. Luckily, Otters can swim. Besides, our Otter was really a powerpuff girl disguised as a furry, with a heart of an artichoke which she gained her superpowers from. Wonder Otter's costume was bones of enemies made into a mankini. Horrible sounds erupted from the horrifying psychedelic maelstrom that horrified the horrendous crew.
Suspicious of the nearing smurfs, Otter decided to cast a protection charm against those little blue bastards, only to realize that there was a surprise in store for Otter and her giant thumb. The smurfs prepared waffles with extra syrup, but there was a problem. The fucking ants swarmed all over the picnic basket and ate a sandwich, but not the pickles because of the lack of mayonnaise. The smurfs were infuriated and began dancing ritualistically.
Indiana Jones suddenly arrived and he blew another kiss to Steven Spielberg. Ironically, they both were carrying bull whips and their chest hair was all shaved off with rusty blades, leaving gaping wounds the exact shape of Spock's gelatinous cock. The cock crowed thrice, falied, and thrashed until Colonel Sanders arrived. Then he and John Wayne opened up a new restaurant where people can enjoy cock au vin.
Suddenly the Finns rampaged, enraged by french cuisine, they flung mustamakkara at the pompous French chefs. All they wanted was all they ever needed, Which allowed them to Enjoy The Silence.
(Silence)
In the distance a (Finn was) saying perkele and doing a devil's dance too music from (the) Leningrad cowboys, tortured everybody in the disco, (before) the BeeGees arrived. They were shot down by a turnip shaped dark figure. (A) Mystery man who turned out to be Alfred Hitchcock wearing nothing else but a silly, feathered, old hat, Kurwa, Lewandowski's
four goals, and an orange knot.
Chapter 7
Cold, crotchless feet always emerged from the grave. The zombie apocalypse began as it swept across The isle of Wight and the ottoman empire. Zombie Turkmen, 'twas inevitable. The Turkmen had Turkeys, who gobbled all night.
"Worf! I need you to go out to find some magnum-sized condoms. Ah fookit, go nekkid. " Said Picard as he poured himself some tea.
Earl grey, hot was not what he ordered.
"Engage, make it so that all will get", (he) said as he rips zombies to pieces and Continues on his way.
(note: I have no idea what just happened there
)
Meanwhile, at the graveyard, aliens look for spare body parts to build a better version of huge spacde dildos and foosies. Soon enough they lacked enough super glue but had duct tape and zip ties, so they finished the job swiftly.
While in utter confusion due to the glue sniffing, the aliens looked (on) with glazy eyes. They had been smoking dried horseshit and drinking concentrated, chilled Husky urine from a champagne flute whilst snorting endless lines of wheat flour. Voluptuous chesticles were on display, (as) the talking moose arrived at Tom Hardy's villa.
"Where is Shimmers?" he whimepered resolutely in her (atrium).and
Her beautiful chin waggled with furious gossip and the heavens cried,
"Shut yer trap!" before all was said and left unsaid, no one understood what it meant.
So, Tom Hardy kissed his sister's boyfriend's dog. It was a Husky with pale blue eyes, cute, but not housebroken. So he grabbed a Doggie Depends from the glove compartment and stapled (it) to a nearby flag,and wrapped himself in otters, and screamed towrads the husky. Otter didn't find that very amusing because it reminded her of the drilling she got from her dad the evil dentist. Teeth were strewn haphazardly across the street from the mass effect field toothbrush set to Insanity setting.
Chapter 8 : Because why not?
A gravitic anomaly formed, allowing a time warp where Frank-n-Furter, himself, appeared. Dressed in black lingerie, and rose tinted glasses he cocked his eyebrow while eyeing a large opalescent figure in the window of a store. The figure suddenly moved. Could it really be Hans Gruber's fathers mum's dad's son - Wesley the ass eating swampdonkey, miniaturized and enslaved.
The Romulans decided to change environmental policy and scrapped their gravitic turbines and changed their warp engines to more environmental friendly fart powered gas turbines.
The Obsidian Order was confounded by its new huskie-related IT issues and sent in the Siberian Olympic sled team. An unforeseen problem arose, when the over excited Ex-boyfriend tried to bring his newest fancy to EA Play because he wanted a titan for his plan to crush all his exes. He failed and now he's biting the dust of failure.
The bitter tears watered the parched terrain beneath. A seedling emerged from the barren, scorched soil. It was a pineapple, just the right size for pizza. Nightman stumbled over the unexpected obstacle and fell face first into a pile of money
"Ptui!" (he spat, and got up, realizing he had fallen into) a movie set where cloppers used Vetra's back as a crowbar and opened the prop chest. Inside was a colony of angry ferrets and weasels. They sprung from the ventilation ducts to attack like alien aliens do and layed facehugger eggs which hatched due to extreme situations requiring extreme huntressing. For only huntresses would mercilessly destroy those with superior biotic implants, angry ferrets, and weasels.
Chapter 9
Meanwhile, back on Earth Tom Hardy's million dollar lawn mower was set to decapitate criminals exploting his unlocked back gate, which lead to his "secret garden." Proud owner of a corpse flower which only bloomed when his shirt was removed. The radiant chest hair exploded from between his cosplay PowerGirl outfit's window. His cosplay award ws growing too heavy for his tiny hands to keep hold of her in his tiny manpurse. It was unfortunate that just when he reached for the toilet paper, his bowels decided to have another massive contraction. Time has come to end this diarrhea attack! He clenched everything he could and swore this is his end. An explosion was avoided by careful colostomy performed by drunken @mod002 who thought that shitposting was bannable offense not worth dying for. @mod002 had an epiphany... StanryRoo had it right: laugh while lives suffer, internet laughs with you.
It's not over yet, there was one more victim of Bill Cosby: Petey D. (Peter Dinklage), god of the sexy fucking tripods. They were an odd species wrapped in shrouds of lace made from individual hairs plucked from the hairy arses of Peter Dinklage and tom cat strays from urban outfitters. What a store! Crazy prices on friday for such useless things: pay 10, get 0.001!!!
Chapter 10
Meanwhile in Mordor the one ring to rule was itching someone's finger driving them quite mad, and as the rash spread...
"Get the lanocane!" yelled Lana, Cain's loudmouthed girlfriend.
"Who are these people?" shouted Peter, "And what are you doing in a clown suit now? "IT" is not appropriate. I'm Peter 'fucking' Dinklage, look me in the gorgeous eyes I have and tell me that you don't find me handsomer than Tom Hardy."
Peter flashed a smile at the (sight of the) pizza delivery, for it contained pineapple and special 211 sauce, a mild, tangy topping that induced rage in Tom Hardy's new girlsfriend when she had to clean Nightman's vomit from when he was Madonna's husband and her master. In divorce he got half her jaded empire, which was uranium rich, and also her bra, which was bullet proof, and her knickers which he used for pants. A win-win situation, really.
Meanwhile Regack was ninja'd by fish that had nunchakus and a katana and proceeded to bring a fierce dance battle. The shame nun appeared, and she was a mermaid with a stic tied between her shiny buttocks that revealed more than one would like. Then Jeramy Corbyn undid brexit, and Scotland finally became independent, causing @galaxyshimmers to move there. She was so happy. Life was kilty good, and she smiled non-stop.
From the highlands came a claymore wielding lad. His name was Gecko, a commando-kilted, claymore-wielding lad. He dined on haggis, to enhance his scotsman disguise. He wore no pants under his kilt, just balls,s winging expediently back against his tangy taint
continue right here...
Lightning crashed down upon
Rules for the four-word story are pretty simple, I'll start off by saying four words to start telling a story and each post contributes four more words. Read what's been written and try to make something cohesive, or just add some nonsense, it'll be up to you to decide how you want to contribute. I'll probably summarize everything in a spoiler at some point.
The story so far in the spoiler tags: (with a few punctuation fixes and edits for dramatic effect here and there)...
Chapter 1:
Lightning crashed down upon Tom Hardy's gorgeous face leaving him beautifully scarred. Waiting for a nymph, from that moment on, he was an actor. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. The knocking grew louder as SAM reported a mail delivery via the Tempest email console. "Liar!" It was a sham, orchestrated by Peebee to make Pathfinder Ryder come on Vetra's back while the sea turtles watched.
Tom Hardy burst in yelling, "WHY ARE YOU CORRUPTING THESE SEA TURTLES!? THEY'RE ONLY FIFTEEN, BOSH'TETS! Won't somebody think of contacting the proper authorities to warn them about Suvi eating Heleus flora? That damn Scottish girl will kill herself this way, unless someone prevents it. Maybe Sara Ryder? But she's still in (a) coma after Meridian. Bad luck Sara. How about waking up already, Specialist?"
"Tom Hardy can wake next to me every 30 minutes or so." said Gil over the intercom as he dug into his fish and chips, but choked as he realized he's sleepy because he was watching Liam and Jaal spar over Vetra's sticky back. He almost threw up, but swallowed it back. It tasted of nutrient-paste and Kallo's tongue. He worshiped that damn Salarian and his kissing skills.
Salarians kiss just like Tom Hardy because he licks his own eyes. A professional, in that his tears were salty, so he licks them and lusts for @galaxyshimmers. She fucking approves greatly, (and) she approves fucking greatly, and stalks him daily, greatly approving of fucking. GalaxyShimmers and Tom (were) back on the floor, ripping their clothes off (when) suddenly Kallo showed up and undressed himself too.
"Fertilise my eggs Tom!" (Kallo pleaded.)
"WHAT THE FUCK KALLO!" (GalaxyShimmers exclaimed!)
"That I can do." (Tom approved.)
Galaxy Shimmers felt like watching Kallo and Tom put kilts on and lick Vetra's sticky back, but instead the two reenact a Scottish porno with Gil sucking haggis. Haggis, as everyone knows, enhances the male erection, especially (when) made by Suvi. But then, Galaxy Shimmers began stroking Tom's bulge. Now that Kallo left to film himself masturbating.
Chapter 2:
Suvi covered her eyes as Kallo began fondling Sara Ryder's unconscious body. He realized Scott was also unconscious... smiling, he heard Suvi yell "NO!" because she wanted Scott to stir her haggis. Kallo and Suvi mounted Vetra's sticky back and proceeded to do things like calibrating and polishing using reach and flexibility despite not being Turians. Weeks later, they emerged exhausted, their genitals broken but their spirits high. They thought on what had transpired by. The innocence of their love shrouded by their deviancy, faded away like the (/a) sun-bleached and weathered facade. But new hope sprung, Suvi was now pregnant.
Kallo was not ready to go to war. He forgot his pants and his sanity as he fumbled around the god damn Mako. Meanwhile, Vetra had cleaned the stains out of her sticky back grooves. The goo was sentient and bright green. Scott fucked and ate it like a true caveman. His feet were swollen, and lacked toes. The alien goo had caused pregnancy of Jacob's reincarnation. Miranda was jealous and searched for comfort from her large jiggly butt. Jack had her period and was the only one aboard Normandy with a bloody moon cup.
Back in the Andromeda (Galaxy) the team was contemplating where are the scumbags who came aboard yesterday and why is Cora naked all of a sudden and touching herself while it is breakfast time. She put the spoon in her coffee cup, and groaning with satisfaction, reached over the table and wondered, since Kallo smelled her finger?
Lexi bought herself a cute maid outfit for a night with Drack. Peebee got horny too, but she was surprised when her boy toy broke. Now she has to ride the Ryder on top of cheese-wheels without wine; The tragedy!
Moaning and drilling became disturbing for the rest especially our poor Otter, for Otter's pineapple pizza. From out of nowhere, the sea turtles returned. They were hungry from birthing Suvi's child and prepared to devour entire cryotubes full of wriggling nymphs. They took out their pants and smiled.
Chapter 3:
Seven dominant tacos became completely emasculated when a Mcdonalds made mcnuggets superior, flew into Vetra's face, and made out French style, with tongues.
Meanwhile, Batman had problems finding his kilt and sporran, so the caped crusader went to his local Wal-Mart and bought some pink undies and trousers to strip off for the Highland Games in (the) spank the monkey competition. Last year, Cora won one true Scotswoman's attention. Her name was Stephanie, and she liked hairy women to sit on her 'roadside' until early morning dancing to the moon. Two pale moons sone through the cloudy mists; Pale moons were buttocks.
"What a plot twist!", said George Takei, as Shater said, "Oh My!" And then Spock said, "I have special eyes!" as he looked around.
"Highly illogical." he said. "My penis is entirely made of jelly tots."
Sulu's eyes lit up at the sight of Spock's elongated gelatinous cock which was dripping with sugar on Sulu's chest. At that very moment the censors arrived with lawyers from Paramount Studios and Bones McCoy in a onesie. Screaming, he swore, "Dammit, Jim! I'm no longer sharing cocaine!" He sniffled nervously and his nostril fell off with blood gushing from every facial orifice. "Cocaine is a hell of a drug."
Chapter 4:
The computer started making weird noises while the censors (sensors?) began calibrating the cocaine toxicity. It was the purest sugar i came across. Frank Lucas would have the shadow spanked till she dropped the heroin and stopped wearing hats. While cutting the product her heavenly bosom blossomed, spilling out of her well organized fanny pack. National Geographic titties have never hung so low. You can tie them in a noose or around your lover's neck like a silk scarf or like saggy airbags. Either way, it's titties on Nanny's face.
He sucks on the areola biting lightly the nipple making the owner wince. Her nipple ring was hooked on Nanny's tongue, for it was also pierced. The piercings intertwined making it difficult for speaking his safeword as the titties started whipping his teeth making him wish he had flossed. Nanny began scratching his life sized Lincoln doll to bring him luck but instead, the doll punched him in the bathroom, and stole his pack of flavoured condoms.
Without Nanny's condoms Madonna decided to adopt another BSN orphan. His name was Nightman and he loves eating pizza with extra cheese and fresh tuna straight from the magical rivers of Narnia. Many Narnians died to protect those rivers from Cammy's horny turtle migration and the Kett hunters. @cammy sent the turtles to begin the invasion of the Kett Empire with their shells waxed, they marched to war bringing with them many dildos of (m)ass destruction that would rip Kett's posteriors a new one.
The turtles then began digging ejaculate filled trenches to keep their shells moisturised and looking fabulous and slick to prevent Hammerstorm's hairy Viking longboat from tarnishing when he sailed in Otter's watery domain. An envious perk for working at IKEA and staging full frontal impressions of Magic Mike as a distraction during salad tossing Saturday sessions and licking dressing off the naked buttocks of a highly energetic and dastardly muppet called Fumbles.
Meanwhile, the Kett were self immolating and fondling pineapples as he (they) gave Tom Cruise one last chance at spreading his Scientology bullshit to Regack and to all.
"Fuck you Tom!"
Regack grabbed Tom by the ears and swung him around using his body like A wrecking ball. She slammed him violently against a concrete wall repeatedly. Regack's cheering fans appeared to watch Tom turn into a battered, bloody, broken pile of flesh tossing him aside, after he became completely unrecognisable.
"'GackSAM, what is happening?"
"Temperatures are falling, Serza"
Chapter 5 : Finding the Temple of the Dog
RJ MacReady walked the antarctic camp in nothing but his longjohns and bunny slippers next to the camp, was an icy boulder with a face carved roughly into it. The boulder resembled an idol oddly shaped like a woman with eight breasts. Which was an odd tribute to fertility and the nourishment of life. MacReady touched the boulder and felt his arm tingle with passionate electricity. He pushed the boulder over with incredible ease. There was a secret to this idol. It (revealed a) passage lined with bio-luminescent Tom Hardy clones who could be heard eerily tuning up their violins. MacReady descended to the bottom of the passage. A faint, amethyst glow from Vetra's sticky back splashed the chamber with an iridescent radiance, revealing sparkling jewels that were embedded in the rocky surface. He plucked one only to find that there was a heartbeat throbbing in the rock.
Could this be the offspring of a golem?
"ROCKS FALL, EVERYONE DIES!" said the Tom Hardy (clones) "Activate pre-Massively thread release! There can be only one ring to rule!"
Tom Hardy and his ever growing collection of cleaning arab princesses were a gift from
@vella was around and violently erupted like an exploding squeeze cheese can. The remains of vella became the sacred ashes that cured impotence. Now all men saluted when cheese was brought to the winter solstice sacrifice; Havarti...had by all. The celebration was a Gouda and Cheddar event. There was one special guest of honor that was Vetra's sticky back. She had flexibility but Tom's clone had reach. (The) Tempest smelled of cheese. The crew was delirious. Lexi got all tipsy from sniffing Stilton and sipping an expensive wine. She had a way to redeem her innocence and camouflage the stink that drove Drack insane, for the famous Krogan was a cheese addict.
"RAWR! I want Camembert!", he bellowed out, loudly, and swung his mighty axe onto the table.
The table split in half, the cheese had swung onto Vetra's spiky Mattock, not her back. Meanwhile, Kallo was consumed (with) a growing feeling of wanting to eat flies, and began searching the air for dragons but could only find a tiny salamander. Kallo stared at the tiny creature that that burst into flames.
"Oh god!" he screamed as Nightman emerged from under the table. He had escaped Madonna's dungeon.
Looking at Kallo he said, "your people used to be smaller. Where is Sten? He is tall, and wears a kilt which makes Suvi drool
Chapter 6 :
A giant space amoeba at that exact moment decided to invade the domain of R'lyeh where Peter Dinklage was creating a vanilla Crème brûlée. Meanwhile kittens appeared from the Stargate, dressed
(In that) instant cat fight ensued involving Cora and Peebee and it wasn't pretty. They started ripping their bra`s and undies while fur flew everywhere around Kralla's Song making it impossible to see. Singing was so loud that the neighbors complained to Otter about the drilling, but Otter wasn't moved. She cranked the heater. This was Otter's domain, she was ready to fight.
Ignoring complaints from neighbours who were really tired and smelly like cheese, Otter donned her armour, strapped on her sword, and jumped into (the) water - only to sink quickly. Luckily, Otters can swim. Besides, our Otter was really a powerpuff girl disguised as a furry, with a heart of an artichoke which she gained her superpowers from. Wonder Otter's costume was bones of enemies made into a mankini. Horrible sounds erupted from the horrifying psychedelic maelstrom that horrified the horrendous crew.
Suspicious of the nearing smurfs, Otter decided to cast a protection charm against those little blue bastards, only to realize that there was a surprise in store for Otter and her giant thumb. The smurfs prepared waffles with extra syrup, but there was a problem. The fucking ants swarmed all over the picnic basket and ate a sandwich, but not the pickles because of the lack of mayonnaise. The smurfs were infuriated and began dancing ritualistically.
Indiana Jones suddenly arrived and he blew another kiss to Steven Spielberg. Ironically, they both were carrying bull whips and their chest hair was all shaved off with rusty blades, leaving gaping wounds the exact shape of Spock's gelatinous cock. The cock crowed thrice, falied, and thrashed until Colonel Sanders arrived. Then he and John Wayne opened up a new restaurant where people can enjoy cock au vin.
Suddenly the Finns rampaged, enraged by french cuisine, they flung mustamakkara at the pompous French chefs. All they wanted was all they ever needed, Which allowed them to Enjoy The Silence.
(Silence)
In the distance a (Finn was) saying perkele and doing a devil's dance to
four goals, and an orange knot.
Chapter 7
Cold, crotchless feet always emerged from the grave. The zombie apocalypse began as it swept across The isle of Wight and the ottoman empire. Zombie Turkmen, 'twas inevitable. The Turkmen had Turkeys, who gobbled all night.
"Worf! I need you to go out to find some magnum-sized condoms. Ah fookit, go nekkid. " Said Picard as he poured himself some tea.
Earl grey, hot was not what he ordered.
"Engage, make it so that all will get", (he) said as he rips zombies to pieces and Continues on his way.
(note: I have no idea what just happened there
)Meanwhile, at the graveyard, aliens look for spare body parts to build a better version of huge spacde dildos and foosies. Soon enough they lacked enough super glue but had duct tape and zip ties, so they finished the job swiftly.
While in utter confusion due to the glue sniffing, the aliens looked (on) with glazy eyes. They had been smoking dried horseshit and drinking concentrated, chilled Husky urine from a champagne flute whilst snorting endless lines of wheat flour. Voluptuous chesticles were on display, (as) the talking moose arrived at Tom Hardy's villa.
"Where is Shimmers?" he whimepered resolutely in her (atrium).
Her beautiful chin waggled with furious gossip and the heavens cried,
"Shut yer trap!" before all was said and left unsaid, no one understood what it meant.
So, Tom Hardy kissed his sister's boyfriend's dog. It was a Husky with pale blue eyes, cute, but not housebroken. So he grabbed a Doggie Depends from the glove compartment and stapled (it) to a nearby flag,
Chapter 8 : Because why not?
A gravitic anomaly formed, allowing a time warp where Frank-n-Furter, himself, appeared. Dressed in black lingerie, and rose tinted glasses he cocked his eyebrow while eyeing a large opalescent figure in the window of a store. The figure suddenly moved. Could it really be Hans Gruber's fathers mum's dad's son - Wesley the ass eating swampdonkey, miniaturized and enslaved.
The Romulans decided to change environmental policy and scrapped their gravitic turbines and changed their warp engines to more environmental friendly fart powered gas turbines.
The Obsidian Order was confounded by its new huskie-related IT issues and sent in the Siberian Olympic sled team. An unforeseen problem arose, when the over excited Ex-boyfriend tried to bring his newest fancy to EA Play because he wanted a titan for his plan to crush all his exes. He failed and now he's biting the dust of failure.
The bitter tears watered the parched terrain beneath. A seedling emerged from the barren, scorched soil. It was a pineapple, just the right size for pizza. Nightman stumbled over the unexpected obstacle and fell face first into a pile of money
"Ptui!" (he spat, and got up, realizing he had fallen into) a movie set where cloppers used Vetra's back as a crowbar and opened the prop chest. Inside was a colony of angry ferrets and weasels. They sprung from the ventilation ducts to attack like alien aliens do and layed facehugger eggs which hatched due to extreme situations requiring extreme huntressing. For only huntresses would mercilessly destroy those with superior biotic implants, angry ferrets, and weasels.
Chapter 9
Meanwhile, back on Earth Tom Hardy's million dollar lawn mower was set to decapitate criminals exploting his unlocked back gate, which lead to his "secret garden." Proud owner of a corpse flower which only bloomed when his shirt was removed. The radiant chest hair exploded from between his cosplay PowerGirl outfit's window. His cosplay award ws growing too heavy for his tiny hands to keep hold of her in his tiny manpurse. It was unfortunate that just when he reached for the toilet paper, his bowels decided to have another massive contraction. Time has come to end this diarrhea attack! He clenched everything he could and swore this is his end. An explosion was avoided by careful colostomy performed by drunken @mod002 who thought that shitposting was bannable offense not worth dying for. @mod002 had an epiphany... StanryRoo had it right: laugh while lives suffer, internet laughs with you.
It's not over yet, there was one more victim of Bill Cosby: Petey D. (Peter Dinklage), god of the sexy fucking tripods. They were an odd species wrapped in shrouds of lace made from individual hairs plucked from the hairy arses of Peter Dinklage and tom cat strays from urban outfitters. What a store! Crazy prices on friday for such useless things: pay 10, get 0.001!!!
Chapter 10
Meanwhile in Mordor the one ring to rule was itching someone's finger driving them quite mad, and as the rash spread...
"Get the lanocane!" yelled Lana, Cain's loudmouthed girlfriend.
"Who are these people?" shouted Peter, "And what are you doing in a clown suit now? "IT" is not appropriate. I'm Peter 'fucking' Dinklage, look me in the gorgeous eyes I have and tell me that you don't find me handsomer than Tom Hardy."
Peter flashed a smile at the (sight of the) pizza delivery, for it contained pineapple and special 211 sauce, a mild, tangy topping that induced rage in Tom Hardy's new girlsfriend when she had to clean Nightman's vomit from when he was Madonna's husband and her master. In divorce he got half her jaded empire, which was uranium rich, and also her bra, which was bullet proof, and her knickers which he used for pants. A win-win situation, really.
Meanwhile Regack was ninja'd by fish that had nunchakus and a katana and proceeded to bring a fierce dance battle. The shame nun appeared, and she was a mermaid with a stic tied between her shiny buttocks that revealed more than one would like. Then Jeramy Corbyn undid brexit, and Scotland finally became independent, causing @galaxyshimmers to move there. She was so happy. Life was kilty good, and she smiled non-stop.
From the highlands came a claymore wielding lad. His name was Gecko, a commando-kilted, claymore-wielding lad. He dined on haggis, to enhance his scotsman disguise. He wore no pants under his kilt, just balls,s winging expediently back against his tangy taint
continue right here...
Lightning crashed down upon
