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Post by Sifr on Dec 20, 2016 20:21:57 GMT
If that question is open to everyone, my response would probably be; "And? I was born with an extra finger on each hand, which were later removed... would that bother you?" But why did you remove it? That sounds awesome. (Or I might just think it sounds awesome..) Unfortunately, both fingers lacked any bones connecting them to the rest of the hand, so I'd never have been able to move them. Pity, would have made me excellent at playing instruments and sports.
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Post by SofaJockey on Dec 20, 2016 20:45:26 GMT
I'm quite enjoying this thread, I'm actually rather proud of this community for having a meaningful conversation without burning the place down,
'way to go BSN'... Well, we are only 10 pages in. it is around 13-14 where people start repeat everything and people start to get tired that the "burn, maim, kill" mentality start to set in. Yep, we're getting to the repeating stage... Pretty much every position has been articulated at least once, some many many times. If we do reach page 20 I recommend we close this up, not out of any censorship but just out of exhaustion. Doesn't mean we can't re-open when we discover what the truth about trans characters in MEA actually is.
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Post by Treacherous J Slither on Dec 20, 2016 21:21:42 GMT
fialkaMy response to an earlier post of yours: I would rather these people seek help that doesn't contain irreversible surgery. Someone can meet a tragic end whether they go through with the surgery or not. Why are women treated differently in Tevinter? Why can't a woman progress in the military? I can't think of any legitimate sensible reason. I believe that someone simply wanted a transgender character in DA then cooked up some silly halfassed nonsense to give the character background. I remember reading a book many years ago about a powerful wizard named Elminster. Early in his magic career Mystra the goddess of magic turned him into a woman. I don't recall why. He lived and adventured as a woman named Eldara for years. Mystra turned him back into a man at some point but if i were to do a transgender character i would do it that way. Krem is a woman who thinks she's a man because she suffers from a mental condition that makes her feel uncomfortable as the sex that she is. Someone who is a natural born woman will remain a natural woman even unto death. A woman unable to bear children is still a woman. I don't believe that being a man or a woman feels any particular way. You're just you. If you happen to have a cock/pussy then so be it. If a girl wants to dress and behave like a stereotypical guy then she has my full support. Tomboys are my favorite type of girl. If a guy wants to dress and behave like a stereotypical girl then I'll laugh at him because i feel as if he's humiliating himself. > Corrective and cosmetic surgery for deformities is all well and good in my eyes. Cosmetic surgery to suit the personal views of someone suffering from a delusion brought on by a mental disorder is wrong in my eyes.
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Post by Treacherous J Slither on Dec 20, 2016 21:26:52 GMT
Simple. If a guy has a penis, if he was born as such, if he was that way, I consider it as his nature. His initial natural state. If he however does not feel like a guy in his mind, then he can believe whatever the hell he wants. it doesn't bother me. Using a scientific process to change your body, meaning going against a natural and physical state, will not change my opinion. That's exactly what I'm saying. It's easy to understand. Right, so in other words, absolutely no effort to recognize the science that refutes this very singular stance. Okay then. I'm done. Keep pretending that your view is objectively correct despite there being evidence otherwise. Just know that it's pretty clear that you actually aren't interested in being objective here. What science refutes this? Are you seriously telling me that a newborn baby might not actually be the sex associated with the genitalia that they naturally possess? Seriously? Prove it.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2016 21:47:14 GMT
What science refutes this? Are you seriously telling me that a newborn baby might not actually be the sex associated with the genitalia that they naturally possess? Seriously? Prove it. Here are just a selection. All from reputable sources -- most are from medical or research universities. There's way more than this out there as well. This is what I came up with in a simple google search for it. So, you might want to do this yourself. It takes about a minute to get some good results that you can use to shape your view on it. All of this (with the exception of one) comes from research done within the past 5 years. As with every other aspect of science, with increased technology, new information is learned about what we thought was "fact". The most common consensus on transgender identity is that it is a combination of biological (both neurological and structural) and psychological (cognitive) causes. With the ultimate take-away being that biology causes psychology, which we've always known. It's not necessarily a new finding. Interesting that there is evidence that the brains of transgender people more closely resemble the brains of the gender that they identify with. So it's actually morphological as well, according to some of the current research. And, likely, there are chemical causes from when a fetus is in development. This means that, yes, people are born transgender. These first few are from science journalism, but they all discuss actual medical and research studies from reputable universities: www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-there-something-unique-about-the-transgender-brain/ (University of Barcelona/VU University Medical Center) www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/02/150213112317.htm (Boston University Medical Center) www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/biology-gender-identity-children/ (University of Washington) And here are some peer reviewed articles suggesting the same thing: www.academia.edu/download/31032217/100.pdf (La Trobe University) vrosario.bol.ucla.edu/CV/BiologyofGender.pdf (UCLA) www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/19359705.2013.753393 (NYU) And, of course, almost all of these studies are careful to note that they are working with small samples and that there is still much to be learned about this. Basically, it demonstrates an uptick in recent medical and research studies that support a biological determination for transgender identity. Which is why all of the people who go, "Boys have penis and girls have vagina" (BONUS points if you id the quote) are using only ONE set of biological determinators and totally disregarding another. Or they are unaware, in which case they should probably do a little research first. Again, this just represents a few of the first ones that I grabbed. There are way more (and likely way better ones), but I didn't feel like spending my time proving this to people who could very well do the work themselves.
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Post by hammerstorm on Dec 20, 2016 21:57:49 GMT
While I'm impressed by your logical and good posts, I don't know if it is worth the effort. But +1 to you. I just gave up after the latest posts.
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Post by dalinne on Dec 20, 2016 21:59:09 GMT
I'm just gonna take seat here and watch you awkwardly with my mighty mug....
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2016 22:00:10 GMT
While I'm impressed by your logical and good posts, I don't know if it is worth the effort. But +1 to you. I just gave up after the latest posts. Yeah, I kind of think it's probably not worth it either. But if there's a chance, I have to take it, right? Stupid Lawful Good nature.......
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Post by Natashina on Dec 20, 2016 22:46:25 GMT
@daveliam Leave it to you to do this well written and researched post and then drop a "Kindergarten Cop" reference near the end of it.
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Post by Treacherous J Slither on Dec 21, 2016 0:31:37 GMT
Good post. I appreciate your efforts.
I read up on similar stuff when I googled it myself.
I don't see it like you do though. I tried to though. I really did. But in my eyes a man with a brain resembling a womans is still a man. Like if a cat was discovered with a brain resembling a humans and it's really smart for a cat and can do all this amazing human stuff, people will still refer to it as a cat. This analogy is probably as terrible as my Batman analogy but ugh whateverrr
And yeah like Natashina said we're just running around in circles smh
Maybe ill see the light of truth one day though...
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Post by Syv on Dec 21, 2016 2:01:31 GMT
What science refutes this? Are you seriously telling me that a newborn baby might not actually be the sex associated with the genitalia that they naturally possess? Seriously? Prove it. snip Interesting. Though I'm taking all of this very carefully. That doesn't mean much. There are serious scientific researchs about creationism after all, with the support of books, university researchs too, etc. Yes supported by science, I do not lie. And all these researchs were done by biased folks as well, well at least I suppose most of them. And I'm not willing to give up the idea of human evolution as long as most scientifics do not tell me that everything was wrong with their previous researchs, that they were utterly wrong since the beginning. Which is not going to happen anytime soon I think. I still consider it as a fact. I read your scientific links,, and i tried to find something similar in my own language to understand better what was said. I find it weird that nothing ever talks about that if it was so much a big news. Maybe I suck with my researchs, but if it was so big, It should be easy for me to see a few articles in my language explaining the whole process. If it is not the case, then it can only mean these folks have showed nothing that could be considered as facts and true evidences to the whole world of scientifics. Also there are scientifics who criticize this way of doing bold hypothesis like this on a very small sample. i Tried finally to learn myself on this subject. You said consensus ? There is not. I found this report from 2016 that doesn't seem to agree. www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/lgbt-gay-transgender-study/2016/08/22/id/744644/ “In reviewing the scientific literature, we find that almost nothing is well understood when we seek biological explanations for what causes some individuals to state that their gender does not match their biological sex.”
In addition, studies comparing brain structures of transgender and cisgender individuals demonstrate "weak correlations between brain structure and cross-gender identification" and do not provide any evidence for a neurobiological basis for cross-gender identification
“The hypothesis that gender identity is an innate, fixed property of human beings that is independent of biological sex — that a person might be ‘a man trapped in a woman’s body’ or ‘a woman trapped in a man’s body’ — is not supported by scientific evidence.” . After reviewing studies of neurobiological differences in the brains of transgender persons, the report’s authors state that “all interpretations, usually in popular outlets,” suggesting that brain differences between transgender people and others are “the cause” of being transgendered are “unwarranted.”I am not saying who is right, who is wrong, I am just not willing to believe anyone just yet with so little. I tend to agree with " there is a lack of evidences so far " though. I am very sceptic when it comes to what a few might claim, as long as it is not considered as a solid fact by most. And so far, it is not a fact to me. Your studies could be totally mistaken as far as I am concerned. It already happened in the past with a lot of previous theories finally not certified. There are no evidences, they are still doing their research, they are still trying to figure out, they are giving their thoughts even if they are talking as scientifics, but I don't see where is the certainty, something nobody would object. Let's wait and see, it should take a few years before we rally know. But so far I would consider as careless jumping the gun and already believing these studies. Still, I always said it was up to debate and to each to decide what they believe. As far as I am concerned, these people are not sure and are still doing researchs, but interesting studies. I doubt that it will ever change my mind, as long as most scientifics do not agree over that, There would still a lot to explain to be enough for me to be satisfied since that would raise a few questions.
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Post by Treacherous J Slither on Dec 21, 2016 2:44:57 GMT
... People can call themselves whatever they want. I just find it severely irritating for someone to insist incessantly that something that obviously isn't true is actually true and that i should go along with it. I refuse to participate in such things. Like religion. Ohhh! #shotsfired > But trans people who went through with operation and everything, aren't obviously different from other members of their declared gender. And this could go deeper, questions like "Are we just bags of flesh or is there something more" or "Do we have a soul" spring to mind, you know, philosophical questions like that. In the end, it's all about whether you decide to accept the person or not. If you really like who they are before they decide to change their physical appearance but who they are mentally doesn't change, does it really matter what they look like? Or, let's do purely hypothetical scenario. You get to know person who already changed and you don't recognize they were born as different gender. You become friends and the topic of transgender never comes up so they don't know your views on this. And let's say they one day they decide they trust you and they tell you they were born as different gender. What would you do? I'm asking purely out of curiosity. We are just bags of flesh. There's no such thing as a soul. It matters to me a great deal if they're suffering from GID. I don't think I could bear to be around them after the transformation. Or maybe i could. The wife of the trans person on Orange Is The New Black struggled for a long time with her husband's transformation but in the end she accepted him. Maybe I could do that too. But maybe not. I don't know what i would do. Ask a ton of questions probably. After that I don't know. I truly don't. I've hung out with at least one trans person in a forum online chat room before and i referred to them as their desired sex. I still do. She was pretty cool. So apparently I have it in me. Can't believe I forgot about that smh
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2016 2:55:51 GMT
Good post. I appreciate your efforts. I read up on similar stuff when I googled it myself. I don't see it like you do though. I tried to though. I really did. But in my eyes a man with a brain resembling a womans is still a man. Like if a cat was discovered with a brain resembling a humans and it's really smart for a cat and can do all this amazing human stuff, people will still refer to it as a cat. This analogy is probably as terrible as my Batman analogy but ugh whateverrr And yeah like Natashina said we're just running around in circles smh Maybe ill see the light of truth one day though... Interesting. Though I'm taking all of this very carefully. That doesn't mean much. There are serious scientific researchs about creationism after all, with the support of books, university researchs too, etc. Yes supported by science, I do not lie. And all these researchs were done by biased folks as well, well at least I suppose most of them. And I'm not willing to give up the idea of human evolution as long as most scientifics do not tell me that everything was wrong with their previous researchs, that they were utterly wrong since the beginning. Which is not going to happen anytime soon I think. I still consider it as a fact. I read your scientific links,, and i tried to find something similar in my own language to understand better what was said. I find it weird that nothing ever talks about that if it was so much a big news. Maybe I suck with my researchs, but if it was so big, It should be easy for me to see a few articles in my language explaining the whole process. If it is not the case, then it can only mean these folks have showed nothing that could be considered as facts and true evidences to the whole world of scientifics. Also there are scientifics who criticize this way of doing bold hypothesis like this on a very small sample. i Tried finally to learn myself on this subject. You said consensus ? There is not. I found this report from 2016 that doesn't seem to agree. www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/lgbt-gay-transgender-study/2016/08/22/id/744644/ “In reviewing the scientific literature, we find that almost nothing is well understood when we seek biological explanations for what causes some individuals to state that their gender does not match their biological sex.”
In addition, studies comparing brain structures of transgender and cisgender individuals demonstrate "weak correlations between brain structure and cross-gender identification" and do not provide any evidence for a neurobiological basis for cross-gender identification
“The hypothesis that gender identity is an innate, fixed property of human beings that is independent of biological sex — that a person might be ‘a man trapped in a woman’s body’ or ‘a woman trapped in a man’s body’ — is not supported by scientific evidence.” . After reviewing studies of neurobiological differences in the brains of transgender persons, the report’s authors state that “all interpretations, usually in popular outlets,” suggesting that brain differences between transgender people and others are “the cause” of being transgendered are “unwarranted.”I am not saying who is right, who is wrong, I am just not willing to believe anyone just yet with so little. I tend to agree with " there is a lack of evidences so far " though. I am very sceptic when it comes to what a few might claim, as long as it is not considered as a solid fact by most. And so far, it is not a fact to me. Your studies could be totally mistaken as far as I am concerned. It already happened in the past with a lot of previous theories finally not certified. There are no evidences, they are still doing their research, they are still trying to figure out, they are giving their thoughts even if they are talking as scientifics, but I don't see where is the certainty, something nobody would object. Let's wait and see, it should take a few years before we rally know. But so far I would consider as careless jumping the gun and already believing these studies. Still, I always said it was up to debate and to each to decide what they believe. As far as I am concerned, these people are not sure and are still doing researchs, but interesting studies. I doubt that it will ever change my mind, as long as most scientifics do not agree over that, There would still a lot to explain to be enough for me to be satisfied since that would raise a few questions. Well I'm glad that both of you guys weren't totally dismissive. To be clear, I'm not saying that it's a settled thing. Because it's not. But it's also not nearly as black and white as you were both indicating earlier. My goal was just to get you to see that your singular way of viewing it isn't the only way to see things. I'm not trying to get you to totally change your mind; just open your mind up to the idea that it's not nearly as simple as it seemed. I'm sure that, as researchers continue to do work in this area, we'll see more and more of the results and start to get an idea of the reality of the situation. But that's probably years off. After all, science takes a long time to make it's way into "lay people" terms.
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Post by Draining Dragon on Dec 21, 2016 3:14:30 GMT
Well, we are only 10 pages in. it is around 13-14 where people start repeat everything and people start to get tired that the "burn, maim, kill" mentality start to set in. Yep, we're getting to the repeating stage... Pretty much every position has been articulated at least once, some many many times. If we do reach page 20 I recommend we close this up, not out of any censorship but just out of exhaustion. Doesn't mean we can't re-open when we discover what the truth about trans characters in MEA actually is.
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Post by Vall on Dec 21, 2016 7:39:26 GMT
We are just bags of flesh. There's no such thing as a soul. It matters to me a great deal if they're suffering from GID. I don't think I could bear to be around them after the transformation. Or maybe i could. The wife of the trans person on Orange Is The New Black struggled for a long time with her husband's transformation but in the end she accepted him. Maybe I could do that too. But maybe not. I don't know what i would do. Ask a ton of questions probably. After that I don't know. I truly don't. I've hung out with at least one trans person in a forum online chat room before and i referred to them as their desired sex. I still do. She was pretty cool. So apparently I have it in me. Can't believe I forgot about that smh Interesting answer. And yeah, I know it's hard to answer scenarios like this until you're confronted with them in real life, but thanks for answering anyway Or, let's do purely hypothetical scenario. You get to know person who already changed and you don't recognize they were born as different gender. You become friends and the topic of transgender never comes up so they don't know your views on this. And let's say they one day they decide they trust you and they tell you they were born as different gender. What would you do? I'm asking purely out of curiosity. If that question is open to everyone, my response would probably be; "And? I was born with an extra finger on each hand, which were later removed... would that bother you?" Sure, it is open for everyone And noooooo, poor fingers ...though I guess if you wouldn't be able to move them there was no point in keeping them :/
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2016 8:40:09 GMT
shyla stylez made a great thread on this exact subject on the old BSN
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Post by Element Zero on Dec 21, 2016 13:36:35 GMT
shyla stylez made a great thread on this exact subject on the old BSN Grrraaaaagghhh!!! We know Gavorn's 10 million missing votes's tricks. We leave!
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Post by Destructive Deer on Dec 21, 2016 15:01:45 GMT
Syv: You do realize you can disagree with someone's ideas/opinions while using the pronouns they prefer, right? In a hypothetical situation, if someone were to politely ask me to use (for example) butter, butterfly and butterself pronouns, I would try my best to do so. Not because I agree with them (I personally don't consider 'butter' to be a gender), but because it's a matter of courtesy. It's such a miniscule effort to make someone else's day a little bit brighter, even if you disagree.
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Post by Ianamus on Dec 21, 2016 17:18:13 GMT
Syv : You do realize you can disagree with someone's ideas/opinions while using the pronouns they prefer, right? In a hypothetical situation, if someone were to politely ask me to use (for example) butter, butterfly and butterself pronouns, I would try my best to do so. Not because I agree with them (I personally don't consider 'butter' to be a gender), but because it's a matter of courtesy. It's such a miniscule effort to make someone else's day a little bit brighter, even if you disagree. I try to be supportive of the trans people I know in real life, and will use he/she/they if they ask me to, but I draw the line at made up pronouns. If a non trans person asked me to address them as "lord or lady" I would refuse because it comes across as them being pompous and self-important. And, although it may sound mean, I feel the same way about weird and obscure pronouns. Nobody should have to memorize your bizarre pronouns, that's just causing everyone you meet an unnecessary hassle. I had a friend at university who was a trans woman and she hated people who would request weird and obscure pronouns because she felt like they were trying to politicize their identity and gave other trans people a bad name. Telling people you identify as butter, however serious you are, cheapens and mocks people who legitimately suffer from gender dysphoria. It makes it much harder for the average person who doesn't really understand the topic to take trans people as a whole seriously.
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Post by fialka on Dec 21, 2016 17:18:26 GMT
Syv : You do realize you can disagree with someone's ideas/opinions while using the pronouns they prefer, right? In a hypothetical situation, if someone were to politely ask me to use (for example) butter, butterfly and butterself pronouns, I would try my best to do so. Not because I agree with them (I personally don't consider 'butter' to be a gender), but because it's a matter of courtesy. It's such a miniscule effort to make someone else's day a little bit brighter, even if you disagree. Exactly. I'm an atheist. But if someone who doesn't know that tells me 'god bless' or 'you'll be in my prayers' I smile and say 'thank you'. Because I understand they mean well, and it costs me nothing to simply give a polite response and move on. I could, of course, use it as an opportunity to explain my lack of religious beliefs, and argue the existence of God and tell them just what I think about their religion (something I actually did do when I was younger until I got better at the social niceties thing), but, I also have to recognize that I could come across as a bit of a jerk (as I surely did back then). So, no one is 'forcing' anyone to use a pronoun they don't agree with. But is it really worth 'standing up for your beliefs' in this particular case, where it causes that person actual hurt? To use a rather silly example, if some person you just met told you they think they're a cat, is it really your place to argue? Does it really cost you anything to just smile, nod, and move on? You're not their therapist, or their family, or even their friend in this case. Telling them 'no you're not, that's stupid, I don't believe you' just makes you look rude and insensitive. So, yeah. Go ahead and insist on calling that post-op transwoman "he" because you happened to find out she was born male, or that transman who's still in transition and doesn't quite pass yet "she" to make your beliefs known. No one is forcing you to do otherwise, nor should they - freedom of speech and thought and all that great stuff. But you should accept the fact that to that person, and a sizable portion of our society, you're going to look rude and insensitive (or ignorant, at best).
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2016 17:55:12 GMT
I try to be supportive of the trans people I know in real life, and will use he/she/they if they ask me to, but I draw the line at made up pronouns. If a non trans person asked me to address them as "lord or lady" I would refuse because it comes across as them being pompous and self-important. And, although it may sound mean, I feel the same way about weird and obscure pronouns. Nobody should have to memorize your bizarre pronouns, that's just causing everyone you meet an unnecessary hassle. I had a friend at university who was a trans woman and she hated people who would request weird and obscure pronouns because she felt like they were trying to politicize their identity and gave other trans people a bad name. Telling people you identify as butter, however serious you are, cheapens and mocks people who legitimately suffer from gender dysphoria. It makes it much harder to the average person who doesn't really understand the topic to take trans people as a whole seriously. Interestingly, despite my stance on this topic, I'm also a bit mixed on the gender neutral pronouns. It feels a bit self-indulgent. That being said, if I were ever asked to use one, I'd almost certainly use it because of all of the reasons that I've already stated. It costs me nothing and I think it's respectful to do. I also don't think it's very common at all. I mean, I work in NYC. I run a graduate program (and higher education tends to be a place where you see more dialogue on gender). And I have pretty substantial experience with the LGBT community through volunteer work and my social life. And I've never once had someone ask me to use a gender neutral pronoun with them.
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Post by Destructive Deer on Dec 21, 2016 18:05:34 GMT
Syv : You do realize you can disagree with someone's ideas/opinions while using the pronouns they prefer, right? In a hypothetical situation, if someone were to politely ask me to use (for example) butter, butterfly and butterself pronouns, I would try my best to do so. Not because I agree with them (I personally don't consider 'butter' to be a gender), but because it's a matter of courtesy. It's such a miniscule effort to make someone else's day a little bit brighter, even if you disagree. I try to be supportive of the trans people I know in real life, and will use he/she/they if they ask me to, but I draw the line at made up pronouns. If a non trans person asked me to address them as "lord or lady" I would refuse because it comes across as them being pompous and self-important. And, although it may sound mean, I feel the same way about weird and obscure pronouns. Nobody should have to memorize your bizarre pronouns, that's just causing everyone you meet an unnecessary hassle. I had a friend at university who was a trans woman and she hated people who would request weird and obscure pronouns because she felt like they were trying to politicize their identity and gave other trans people a bad name. Telling people you identify as butter, however serious you are, cheapens and mocks people who legitimately suffer from gender dysphoria. It makes it much harder to the average person who doesn't really understand the topic to take trans people as a whole seriously. There's a lot of things that I don't get/understand or simply disagree with, but I still do because otherwise I might hurt or offend others, whereas it would (admittedly) simply inconvenience me. There used to be a time where I didn't shake people's hands when greeting, didn't kiss family on the cheek when greeting, didn't look them in the eyes during conversations nor did I thank people for their gifts (yes, I was a major asshole). Some of them I understand now, but others I still don't, yet nowadays I politely shake hands, kiss family on the cheek, look people in the eyes and voice my gratitude for gifts, because not doing so would offend or hurt people, ranging from strangers to family. Eventually it became a matter of a trade-off: simply inconvenience myself or hurt others? As for the last point: I agree, the unusual pronouns does cheapen and mock those suffering from gender disphoria and you're welcome to bring up that discussion with whomever wants you to use those pronouns, but simply refusing to use someone's pronouns isn't going to change that or convince that person their pronouns are harmful, you'll just anger/hurt them at best.
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Ianamus
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Post by Ianamus on Dec 21, 2016 18:13:20 GMT
I try to be supportive of the trans people I know in real life, and will use he/she/they if they ask me to, but I draw the line at made up pronouns. If a non trans person asked me to address them as "lord or lady" I would refuse because it comes across as them being pompous and self-important. And, although it may sound mean, I feel the same way about weird and obscure pronouns. Nobody should have to memorize your bizarre pronouns, that's just causing everyone you meet an unnecessary hassle. I had a friend at university who was a trans woman and she hated people who would request weird and obscure pronouns because she felt like they were trying to politicize their identity and gave other trans people a bad name. Telling people you identify as butter, however serious you are, cheapens and mocks people who legitimately suffer from gender dysphoria. It makes it much harder to the average person who doesn't really understand the topic to take trans people as a whole seriously. Interestingly, despite my stance on this topic, I'm also a bit mixed on the gender neutral pronouns. It feels a bit self-indulgent. That being said, if I were ever asked to use one, I'd almost certainly use it because of all of the reasons that I've already stated. It costs me nothing and I think it's respectful to do. I also don't think it's very common at all. I mean, I work in NYC. I run a graduate program (and higher education tends to be a place where you see more dialogue on gender). And I have pretty substantial experience with the LGBT community through volunteer work and my social life. And I've never once had someone ask me to use a gender neutral pronoun with them. In practice i would probably end up using it anyway since I generally don't like upsetting people. I suppose when I say "draw the line" I mean the line at what I would actively encourage/support. I probably wouldn't use the pronoun when speaking about them to other people like I would with the more common ones. Honestly I don't expect it to happen. The people who identify as the gender-neutral stuff seem to be a minority of a minority who seldom exist outside of educational institutions. On an unrelated note, it's nice to see you again. I know that our interactions on the old forums were... strained, at times, but It's great to see some familiar faces here on the new BSN. Takes me back to the ol' pre-Inquisition days when I spent way too much time on the old boards!
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Post by fialka on Dec 21, 2016 18:40:25 GMT
There's a lot of things that I don't get/understand or simply disagree with, but I still do because otherwise I might hurt or offend others, whereas it would (admittedly) simply inconvenience me. There used to be a time where I didn't shake people's hands when greeting, didn't kiss family on the cheek when greeting, didn't look them in the eyes during conversations nor did I thank people for their gifts (yes, I was a major asshole). Some of them I understand now, but others I still don't, yet nowadays I politely shake hands, kiss family on the cheek, look people in the eyes and voice my gratitude for gifts, because not doing so would offend or hurt people, ranging from strangers to family. Eventually it became a matter of a trade-off: simply inconvenience myself or hurt others? As for the last point: I agree, the unusual pronouns does cheapen and mock those suffering from gender disphoria and you're welcome to bring up that discussion with whomever wants you to use those pronouns, but simply refusing to use someone's pronouns isn't going to change that or convince that person their pronouns are harmful, you'll just anger/hurt them at best. As someone who used to suck at basic manners, I personally can relate to this very much (though I draw the line at kissing family, but have at least learned not to violently jerk away when they do it... still working on the eye contact thing ). But yeah, there's plenty of etiquette stuff out there where I'm like 'what's the point?' or 'why do people need that?' but have come to recognize that not doing those things hurts people's feelings. And I don't like hurting people's feelings. So I do things that are inconvenient or a little weird to not add to the negativity in someone's day. Plenty of negative things in this world already, you know? Calling someone by a pronoun they prefer is not weird to me. But if it is to you... well, maybe you get over yourself just a little, yeah? It's not going to turn you into a different person, I promise. Unless you truly don't care about hurting people's feelings, or are willing to sacrifice absolutely nothing of yourself to avoid it. If that's the case, well, hate to break it to you - that makes you kind of an asshole, and you shouldn't be surprised when people call you out on it. And I do agree that the 'rare pronouns' thing just adds unnecessary complications to an already complex issue. Like when someone starts arguing semantics during a debate. But this is one of those things I hear anecdotally, but have never actually seen. I think it's pretty rare in reality.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2016 19:17:26 GMT
With gender neutral pronouns... I wouldnt use them in ordinary conversation but if its something someone asks me to use ill use it but I think it feels very... er... isolating, almost... if he or she is used then at least everyone should be able to empathize with them to some extent... gender neutral pronouns, to me at least, would probably create divides instead of fixing them... but if thats what people ask me to use id use them... their decision really The thing is, they arent really asking for something like completely ridiculous... theyre not asking to be called Lorenzo Von Matterhorn or something bizarre, theyre just asking to be called who they really are, or if you disagree with them, who they believe themselves to be... But if someone called you a racist or a sexist or a homophobic or a transphobic even though you know you werent, but someone else were convinced you were... you wouldnt be a happy person being called something youre not, especially not after you asked them to stop and they would just carry on... that wouldnt be nice, you wouldnt like it... I mean dude I wouldnt like it And plus like, if someone asks you to say he instead of she, and you say yes... this is what youre showing: I respect you Im tolerant of your beliefs, even if I disagree Im open minded and mature Other peoples beliefs are just as important as my own I care whether I upset you or not But if you say no: I dont respect you Im intolerant towards different people Im closed minded My beliefs are more important than everyone elses What I see as true is more important than what you know to be true My opinions about what you should be called take a higher priority over your opinions about what you want to be called I dont care how you feel To me at least, only one of those like... it sets a good example, it shows tolerance and understanding and compassion... even if you disagree with someone you can still be nice to them... disagreeing with someone isnt the most important thing in the world, what you do with that disagreement is much more if you disagree with someone and think its ok to insult and like generally not be nice to people then that isnt great, but disagreeing with someone but still being nice to them... thats fine
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