You're So Punny (The Unapologetic Pun Appreciation Thread)

I've never really got into Ubisoft's assassin simulator. I've always thought it would work better as a waiter simulation game, called Assassins Feed. And when the main character eats all the food himself, it could be called Assassin's Greed. Or maybe a spin off, where you actually bake bread in the kitchen, Assassins Knead.

I bet working as a chef would be stressful, so Ezio would probably take drugs to feel better about himself, for example, some Assassin's Weed. However, taking the harder drugs may lead to depression and then maybe even self-harm: This would be terrible, as Assassins Bleed. After that, he would possibly get professional help, and start to get back in society. Maybe he will eventually get his life back on track, and, at his birthday, be able to hold an expensive party, but for that he would have to be dressed smartly. I suggest a jacket made from Assassin's Tweed.

You all must make more great puns in this thread in the future. I guess you could say this is my Assassin's Plead...