Mental Health

I did not know you had OCD Shadow, did you know our disorders are on the same spectrum? Compulsions, use of safety behaviours, beliefs about something negative happening if x happens. I think they use exposure therapy for OCD treatment too have you ever tried something like that?

I suffer from OCD and recently have been dealing with cumulative grief.

 Yes, depression and (to a lesser extent) anxiety.

For years, I had depression and was not even aware that I was suffering from it. I chalked up the symptoms to other things, but then they started getting alarmingly bad and I began to suspect it really was depression.

In truth, getting the diagnosis from a therapist and then resolving to proactively take my life back was a big first step in the right direction.

It's been a little over a decade-long battle for me now and there have been a couple relapses, but I am doing a lot better now than previously.

I am not currently taking meds, not because I'm anti-medication in any way and I may elect to take them in the future, but for now I have my reasons for not doing so. In truth, the issue for me may be situational more than pathological.

In the meantime I have been employing a variety of different coping methods and am putting together some bold new life plans that I hope will be the final step in truly conquering it.

I have a fake gluten-allergy

Clinical depression, only officially diagnosed a little over a year ago as it got worse and worse. Yesterday was an incredibly rough day with it.
Suicidal thoughts, and attempts in the past.
Autism Spectrum Disorder
Major social anxiety on top of the social issues I get from autism (yay...)
Anxiety over pretty much everything.
Pessimist, low self esteem, self hatred.
Having to tip toe around practically everyone in the current years of easily offended is making it harder and harder for me, as someone with autism, to go and talk to people. I always expect the worst case scenario and have rarely been wrong about it.
I get incredibly scary panic attacks if I get lost. I also rarely leave my house, only when I absolutely have to and never without music. Music and gaming has been my settlers, calming choice.
Long history of self harm - bashing my head against things to get relief from all the bottled up emotions. Physical pain for emotional and mental relief.

Almost all of my problems can neatly be bundled into that one I have no control over, but can somewhat manage. ASD. Medication helps a bit but is never a fix-it-all.

Every single day is a battle and a struggle through it all but even with depression being added in the past year I'm still in a much better place now than I was a decade ago. The past 2 days have been incredibly rough, my mood decided to choose this time to be full on -grumpy, half crying, leave me alone- and it's horrible, my kid doesn't deserve that on Christmas day and I wish I had an 'off' switch, seriously. This has made me spiral and crash land right into self hatred again which I need to focus on crawling out of today.

Whenever I talk about mine now is because I am not ashamed, not embarrassed, don't want attention just want to inform people "I'm gonna fuck up this conversation because of all this but I'm really going to try not to, please be patient and bear with me and let me know if I go over the line "

Don't believe everything you're told.

I'm not really sure what the optimism/pessimism talk refers to in this context, but I do feel compelled to say one thing:

I am decidedly not a believer in "positive thinking."

I'm not saying people for whom that approach works should stop doing it. Of course you should do what works for you, but as someone who is not naturally "upbeat" and knowing there are many others like me, I do not like it or the way that it's pushed as a one-size-fits-all solution.

Rather, tranquility and stoicism are virtues that I've found much more helpful to putting me on a better path. I am a lot happier of a person now by finding contentment in peace, quiet, solitude, etc. (things that I do very, very well) rather than the tiresome pursuit of "joy."

Recommended reading:
www.amazon.com/Antidote-Happiness-People-Positive-Thinking/dp/0865478015
It gets a bit long and repetitive, but I took away some useful stuff.

My sister is a psychologist. Several years back I took an online psych test and it said I was likely Asperger's. I told my sister and her comment was "No shit, Sherlock". I love my family but she is going in the special home when she grows old. Next to me.

Yeah I get that too. I also find when I am happiest, the drop to sadness hits faster and lasts longer. Lately I find it decreasing though and I hope that continues.

I'm mourning some losses right now, but my family and friends have helped me enjoy this Christmas for the first time in many years.

Sorry about your losses, it’s good though that you’ve got a support network to help you get through it. Did you get anything good for Christmas? I got socks, I think I must have pissed Santa off this year

Sorry about that, sorted it now. That’s what I get for posting on desktop mode with an iPhone.